Clapham Lights

Clapham Lights by Tom Canty Page A

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Authors: Tom Canty
Tags: Humour
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qualified any more.’
    ‘What do you mean I’m not qualified? I’ve got a better degree than you.’
    ‘We’ve got the same degree.’
    ‘I got a 2.1, remember?’
    ‘Yeah, but I’ve got finance qualifications now.’
    ‘Since when?’
    ‘I’ve got two.’
    ‘What are they then?’
    ‘Just things I’ve been doing through work. Online mainly… and a couple of exams.’
    ‘How comes I’ve not seen you studying?’
    ‘I either do it at work or when I get home. You’re always back from work so late it’s no surprise you’ve never seen me. I’ll show you the certificates if you don’t believe me,’ Mark says.
    ‘No, no, I believe you, it’s OK.’
    ‘Anyway you haven’t got any relevant experience either.’
    ‘Nor had you when you started.’
    ‘Well, yes, but…’ Mark tops up Craig’s glass. ‘Look I’ll tell you what, I’ll have a word with my boss and if anything comes up I’ll recommend you, OK? I can’t do any more than that.’
    ‘Thanks. That’s all I’m asking for.’
    ‘No problem.’
    Mark guzzles down the rest of his pint and burps quietly into his fist.‘I’m not sure how much longer I’ll be at the London office for anyway,’ he says.
    ‘How come?’
    ‘I’m thinking of going abroad.’
    ‘When?’
    ‘In a year or so, perhaps.’
    ‘Oh, OK. I thought you were going to tell me you were moving out.’
    ‘No, not for a while. Don’t worry; I’ll give you plenty of notice.’ Mark pours himself another full pint. ‘My plan is to stay in London for the next year or two and then get a transfer to one of the other MenDax offices abroad.’
    ‘Where were you thinking?’
    ‘Well, preferably New York or my second choice would be Sydney, to help set up the new office there. I don’t want to go to Europe or the Middle East.’
    ‘Why not?’
    ‘I want to go somewhere they can speak my language and where there’ll be loads of fit women I can marry.’
    ‘If you want to marry more than one woman you’ll have to go to the Middle East.’
    ‘You know what I mean. Australian girls are all fit because they go to the beach every day so they have to keep in shape, and everyone says women in New York will sleep with anyone with an English accent.’
    ‘I’m sure they’d make an exception for you.’
    ‘Yes, ha ha.’ Mark yawns and scratches his chin. ‘It might all change but that’s the plan anyway. I’ll see where I am at the end of this year, but as long I’m earning more than a hundred grand, I’m content to stay with MenDax. If not, I’ll have to assess my options.’
    ‘
A hundred grand?
’ Craig says, his mouth hanging open.
    ‘That’s not that much mate, it’s actually less than I’m worth. For someone like me, at this stage in my career, I’ve got to be earning over a certain salary, it’s as simple as that. In fact, let me have a little bet with you. If I’m not earning over a hundred thousand by the end of the year, I’ll pay your rent in January.’
    ‘I’m not interested in betting, Mark.’
    ‘You haven’t got to give me anything. And I will pay it you know.’
    ‘Mark, I don’t care.’
    ‘Fair enough. But I’m still going to do it. It’ll give me a bit of extra motivation. What’s wrong with you anyway? You’ve been very boring recently.’
    ‘I’ve just been tired, mate. I’ve not exactly had a lot of time to have fun.’
    The boys look on as a tall young man in an Imperial College Rowing Club hoody walks past.
    ‘Do you ever wish we were back at university?’ Craig asks.
    ‘No, definitely not. Do you?’
    ‘Umm, well, yes. When I’m at work I do.’
    ‘I don’t miss it
at all
.’
    ‘Not even being able to go and get smashed and get up whenever you want?’
    ‘I probably go out and get smashed more now. In fact I enjoy it more now because only the hardened drinkers stay out late.’
    ‘But don’t you miss being able to do pretty much whatever you wanted?’
    ‘I still do whatever I want.’
    ‘No you

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