Clarissa Harlowe or the History of a Young Lady - Volume 5 by Samuel Richardson Page A
Authors: Samuel Richardson
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foundation?
The dear creature, by her eyes, expressed her gratitude, before her lips could utter it. O Mr. Lovelace, said she--you have infinitely--And there she stopt.
The Captain run over in my praise. He was really affected.
O that I had not such a mixture of revenge and pride in my love, thought I!--But, (my old plea,) cannot I make her amends at any time? And is not her virtue now in the height of its probation?--Would she lay aside, like the friends of my uncontending Rosebud, all thoughts of defiance--Would she throw herself upon my mercy, and try me but one fortnight in the life of honour--What then?--I cannot say, What then--
Do not despise me, Jack, for my inconsistency--in no two letters perhaps agreeing with myself--Who expects consistency in men of our character?--But I am mad with love--fired by revenge--puzzled with my own devices--my invention is my curse--my pride my punishment--drawn five or six ways at once, can she possibly be so unhappy as I?--O why, why, was this woman so divinely excellent!--Yet how know I that she is? What have been her trials? Have I had the courage to make a single one upon her person, though a thousand upon her temper?--Enow, I hope, to make her afraid of ever more disobliging me more!--
***
I must banish reflection, or I am a lost man. For these two hours past have I hated myself for my own contrivances. And this not only from what I have related to thee; but for what I have further to relate. But I have now once more steeled my heart. My vengeance is uppermost; for I have been reperusing some of Miss Howe's virulence. The contempt they have both held me in I cannot bear.
The happiest breakfast-time, my beloved owned, that she had ever known since she had left her father's house. [She might have let this alone.] The Captain renewed all his protestations of service. He would write me word how his dear friend received the account he should give him of the happy situation of our affairs, and what he thought of the settlements, as soon as I should send him the draughts so kindly promised. And we parted with great professions of mutual esteem; my beloved putting up vows for the success of his generous mediation.
When I returned from attending the Captain down stairs, which I did to the outward door, my beloved met me as I entered the dining-room; complacency reigning in every lovely feature.
'You see me already,' said she, 'another creature. You know not, Mr. Lovelace, how near my heart this hoped-for reconciliation is. I am now willing to banish every disagreeable remembrance. You know not, Sir, how much you have obliged me. And O Mr. Lovelace, how happy I shall be, when my heart is lightened from the all-sinking weight of a father's curse! When my dear mamma--You don't know, Sir, half the excellencies of my dear mamma! and what a kind heart she has, when it is left to follow its own impulses--When this blessed mamma shall once more fold me to her indulgent bosom! When I shall again have uncles and aunts, and a brother and sister, all striving who shall show most kindness and favour to the poor outcast, then no more an outcast--And you, Mr. Lovelace, to behold all this, with welcome--What though a little cold at first? when they come to know you better, and to see you oftener, no fresh causes of disgust occurring, and you, as I hope, having entered upon a new course, all will be warmer and warmer love on both sides, till every one will perhaps wonder, how they came to set themselves against you.'
Then drying her tears with her handkerchief, after a few moments pausing, on a sudden, as if recollecting that she had been led by her joy to an expression of it which she had not intended I should see, she retired to her chamber with precipitation; leaving me almost as unable to stand it as herself.
In short, I was--I want words to say how I was--my nose had been made to tingle before; my eyes have before been made to glisten by this soul-moving beauty; but so very much affected, I
The dear creature, by her eyes, expressed her gratitude, before her lips could utter it. O Mr. Lovelace, said she--you have infinitely--And there she stopt.
The Captain run over in my praise. He was really affected.
O that I had not such a mixture of revenge and pride in my love, thought I!--But, (my old plea,) cannot I make her amends at any time? And is not her virtue now in the height of its probation?--Would she lay aside, like the friends of my uncontending Rosebud, all thoughts of defiance--Would she throw herself upon my mercy, and try me but one fortnight in the life of honour--What then?--I cannot say, What then--
Do not despise me, Jack, for my inconsistency--in no two letters perhaps agreeing with myself--Who expects consistency in men of our character?--But I am mad with love--fired by revenge--puzzled with my own devices--my invention is my curse--my pride my punishment--drawn five or six ways at once, can she possibly be so unhappy as I?--O why, why, was this woman so divinely excellent!--Yet how know I that she is? What have been her trials? Have I had the courage to make a single one upon her person, though a thousand upon her temper?--Enow, I hope, to make her afraid of ever more disobliging me more!--
***
I must banish reflection, or I am a lost man. For these two hours past have I hated myself for my own contrivances. And this not only from what I have related to thee; but for what I have further to relate. But I have now once more steeled my heart. My vengeance is uppermost; for I have been reperusing some of Miss Howe's virulence. The contempt they have both held me in I cannot bear.
The happiest breakfast-time, my beloved owned, that she had ever known since she had left her father's house. [She might have let this alone.] The Captain renewed all his protestations of service. He would write me word how his dear friend received the account he should give him of the happy situation of our affairs, and what he thought of the settlements, as soon as I should send him the draughts so kindly promised. And we parted with great professions of mutual esteem; my beloved putting up vows for the success of his generous mediation.
When I returned from attending the Captain down stairs, which I did to the outward door, my beloved met me as I entered the dining-room; complacency reigning in every lovely feature.
'You see me already,' said she, 'another creature. You know not, Mr. Lovelace, how near my heart this hoped-for reconciliation is. I am now willing to banish every disagreeable remembrance. You know not, Sir, how much you have obliged me. And O Mr. Lovelace, how happy I shall be, when my heart is lightened from the all-sinking weight of a father's curse! When my dear mamma--You don't know, Sir, half the excellencies of my dear mamma! and what a kind heart she has, when it is left to follow its own impulses--When this blessed mamma shall once more fold me to her indulgent bosom! When I shall again have uncles and aunts, and a brother and sister, all striving who shall show most kindness and favour to the poor outcast, then no more an outcast--And you, Mr. Lovelace, to behold all this, with welcome--What though a little cold at first? when they come to know you better, and to see you oftener, no fresh causes of disgust occurring, and you, as I hope, having entered upon a new course, all will be warmer and warmer love on both sides, till every one will perhaps wonder, how they came to set themselves against you.'
Then drying her tears with her handkerchief, after a few moments pausing, on a sudden, as if recollecting that she had been led by her joy to an expression of it which she had not intended I should see, she retired to her chamber with precipitation; leaving me almost as unable to stand it as herself.
In short, I was--I want words to say how I was--my nose had been made to tingle before; my eyes have before been made to glisten by this soul-moving beauty; but so very much affected, I
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