about was when he’d be able to see that rough, smiling face. He hadn’t felt this way about anyone, ever, whether or not they’d slept together. Johann was patient and kind, and his smile could undo kinks in Cornelius’s weary soul. Conny swallowed hard and shut his eyes, unable to face the possibility of Johann being so repulsed by having to feign playing lovers once more that he might insist on leaving.
Soft lips brushed Cornelius’s own and made him open his eyes.
Johann hovered over Cornelius’s mouth, staring back at him. He didn’t look upset. He didn’t look repulsed. He didn’t exactly look aroused, either. Only concerned.
That was the crux of the matter, Cornelius realized. He wanted Johann to want him too. Because yes, Cornelius wanted to kiss Johann. More every day. And though Valentin was right, he loved easily and often, there was something different about Johann. He wanted to kiss him, to make love to him, but he would rather have Johann as a friend and companion than a lover. If kissing Johann to pacify Valentin’s paranoia lost Cornelius their friendship, it would shatter him. He didn’t know why. He couldn’t explain how this had happened when he barely knew the man, when he couldn’t even be certain the man actually wanted him that way. He only knew he wanted.
With Johann’s kiss still burning his lips, Cornelius was ready to admit he very nearly needed.
Johann ran the gloved fingers of his artificial hand down Cornelius’s cheek. Then, gripping Cornelius firmly by the waist, he bent his head and kissed him.
Cornelius’s hands drifted, wrapped themselves around Johann’s neck, slid to his face. His heart fluttered at his throat, and desire tangled with the nerves in his belly. He was charmed, disarmed by the realization Johann didn’t know how to kiss. It was more than hesitation over kissing a man. He clearly hadn’t done much kissing of anyone.
He’s eighteen. Guilt threatened Cornelius, but then Johann’s lips parted and his tongue haltingly grazed Cornelius’s bottom lip.
Cornelius opened his mouth and invited Johann’s tongue to play.
He gasped as Johann did just that, and when Cornelius pressed his body against Johann’s and felt the evidence of his arousal, a thrill ran down his spine. True, any man got aroused by the right touch, but it was still Cornelius doing the touching, even if only for pretend, and he yearned enough for Johann that he didn’t care what it took.
Johann was a bit large in stature, and though that didn’t always excite him, it did in this case. Conny’s imagination helpfully outlined sexual scenarios where Johann’s strength could be an asset. How his clockwork could be made erotic. He forgot to guard himself, and he responded to the kiss as if it were real, as if they truly were lovers. In fact, he was in the process of shifting them to the edge of the table so he could sit on it and open his legs for Johann when a prim knock sounded on the door.
Johann pulled back, and Cornelius clung to him to steady himself, still lost in the kiss. When Valentin cleared his throat, Cornelius glanced at him blearily, surprised to find him there.
“Monsieur Stevens?” Louise knocked again. “A letter was delivered for you. Also, Master Félix is upset.”
Cornelius smoothed a hand nervously over his hair, a vain attempt to bring himself back to earth. “I’ll be right there,” he called weakly to Louise. He glanced at Johann, at Valentin, feeling he should say something, not knowing even remotely what that something should be.
A shout from downstairs made him give up. Biting his lip, he pushed off the table, knowing he had to see to Félix.
“You would like help?” Johann asked, calm, concerned—not in any way looking as rattled as Cornelius felt.
Perhaps he was pretending after all.
Pursing his lips, Cornelius frowned at Valentin. “Are you convinced? Or will you wait until I come back, so you can watch me suck him off?”
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