and moans.)
My life is over.
Stevie:
Your life is not over. It’s
one
part in one play.
Me:
The role of a lifetime!
Stevie:
There are other parts, Alex.
Me:
You’re right. Just no other parts I was
born
to play.
(Dramatically throws hand over eyes.)
So, let me have it. What part did I get?
Stevie:
(Shrugs.)
I don’t know, I — I mean, I’m not sure — um, Rosaline?
Me:
What do you mean you’re not sure? You saw the list.
Joey:
(Chimes in.)
She didn’t actually see the list.
Stevie:
That’s right. I didn’t actually see it. I mean, not with my own eyes.
Me:
Then, if you didn’t see it, maybe you made a mistake. That’s it! Maybe you heard wrong or something. This whole thing could be one big melodrama of mishaps, just like in
Romeo and Juliet.
Joey:
(
Blurts.)
Scott Towel told her!
Me:
(Springs to the edge of the bed.)
What! You talked to Scott? What did he say? Sit down. Tell me every single word. Start at the beginning.
Stevie:
Well, he came to my homeroom after school. As soon as he saw the Drama Club list and found out he’s Romeo —
Me:
He’s Romeo! I knew it. Just my luck. My life
is
over. Why didn’t you tell me?
Stevie:
I am telling you. He saw that your name wasn’t on the list —
Me:
At all? Or just that I’m not Juliet?
Stevie:
I don’t know. He just really wanted to find you, but he saw me and he was freaking out —
Me:
Whoa, whoa. Freaking out how?
Stevie:
I don’t know. Freaking out.
Joey:
Like insane? Foaming at the mouth? Eyes rolling in the back of his head?
Me:
Was it freaking out like he likes me and he wishes I got the part? Or freaking out like how is he going to learn all his lines if I’m not there to practice with him?
Stevie:
How should I know? All I know is —
Joey:
(Animatedly.)
Jayden Pffeffer got the part! Juliet. Jayden Pffeffer is Juliet.
(Evil eye from Stevie.)
Me:
A plague o’ both your houses! They have made worms’ meat of me.
Joey:
What does that actually mean?
(Whispers to frog.)
Sounds bad.
Me:
Jayden Pffeffer? That measle! That toad-spotted maggot! That artless elf-skinned hugger-mugger! I wish she’d shrivel up and turn into a mindless malt-worm.
(Waves Joey and Stevie out the door.)
A glooming peace this morning with it brings. The sun for sorrow will not show his head. Go hence and have more talk of these sad things.
Joey:
Huh?
(To Stevie.)
Do you think she wants us to leave?
Stevie:
(Shrugs.)
I guess.
Me:
“O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day! Most lamentable day. Most woeful day that ever, ever, I did yet behold! O day, O day, O day, O hateful day. Never was seen so black a day as this! O woeful day, O woeful day!”
Joey:
What’s “woeful”?
Stevie:
Let’s just put it this way. Not. Good.
Not long after hitting Alex with the bad news, Joey came upstairs and announced, “Mr. Cannon’s on the phone.” Alex nearly fell off the bed.
“See. I knew it,” she said, jabbing a pointed finger at me. “I knew it was all just a big fat mistake.”
“Hey, don’t look at me. Blame your boy friend,” I told her.
“He didn’t ask for you,” said Joey. “He asked to speak with Dad.”
“That’s weird,” Alex said.
I, for one, agreed. “Maybe . . . he wants to ask Dad to borrow some costumes or props, or about the set for Romeo and Juliet or something.”
“Maybe . . . he wants to ask Dad to direct this time or something,” Joey said.
“Yeah! Maybe he didn’t pick you for Juliet because Dad will be directing, and that might be weird or something.”
“Or maybe . . .” Alex said, holding out hope, “he wants to apologize for making the biggest, giantest mistake of his life. You know, tell Dad he’s sorry and ask Dad to tell me.”
Joey and I gave each other a look. An I-don’t-think-so look.
“Joey. Go downstairs and listen,” Alex urged.
“Me? Eavesdrop?” said Joey, faking innocence. Now who’s the actress in our family?
Not five minutes later, Joey came racing up the stairs, all out of breath. “The play . . . Romeo
My life is over.
Stevie:
Your life is not over. It’s
one
part in one play.
Me:
The role of a lifetime!
Stevie:
There are other parts, Alex.
Me:
You’re right. Just no other parts I was
born
to play.
(Dramatically throws hand over eyes.)
So, let me have it. What part did I get?
Stevie:
(Shrugs.)
I don’t know, I — I mean, I’m not sure — um, Rosaline?
Me:
What do you mean you’re not sure? You saw the list.
Joey:
(Chimes in.)
She didn’t actually see the list.
Stevie:
That’s right. I didn’t actually see it. I mean, not with my own eyes.
Me:
Then, if you didn’t see it, maybe you made a mistake. That’s it! Maybe you heard wrong or something. This whole thing could be one big melodrama of mishaps, just like in
Romeo and Juliet.
Joey:
(
Blurts.)
Scott Towel told her!
Me:
(Springs to the edge of the bed.)
What! You talked to Scott? What did he say? Sit down. Tell me every single word. Start at the beginning.
Stevie:
Well, he came to my homeroom after school. As soon as he saw the Drama Club list and found out he’s Romeo —
Me:
He’s Romeo! I knew it. Just my luck. My life
is
over. Why didn’t you tell me?
Stevie:
I am telling you. He saw that your name wasn’t on the list —
Me:
At all? Or just that I’m not Juliet?
Stevie:
I don’t know. He just really wanted to find you, but he saw me and he was freaking out —
Me:
Whoa, whoa. Freaking out how?
Stevie:
I don’t know. Freaking out.
Joey:
Like insane? Foaming at the mouth? Eyes rolling in the back of his head?
Me:
Was it freaking out like he likes me and he wishes I got the part? Or freaking out like how is he going to learn all his lines if I’m not there to practice with him?
Stevie:
How should I know? All I know is —
Joey:
(Animatedly.)
Jayden Pffeffer got the part! Juliet. Jayden Pffeffer is Juliet.
(Evil eye from Stevie.)
Me:
A plague o’ both your houses! They have made worms’ meat of me.
Joey:
What does that actually mean?
(Whispers to frog.)
Sounds bad.
Me:
Jayden Pffeffer? That measle! That toad-spotted maggot! That artless elf-skinned hugger-mugger! I wish she’d shrivel up and turn into a mindless malt-worm.
(Waves Joey and Stevie out the door.)
A glooming peace this morning with it brings. The sun for sorrow will not show his head. Go hence and have more talk of these sad things.
Joey:
Huh?
(To Stevie.)
Do you think she wants us to leave?
Stevie:
(Shrugs.)
I guess.
Me:
“O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day! Most lamentable day. Most woeful day that ever, ever, I did yet behold! O day, O day, O day, O hateful day. Never was seen so black a day as this! O woeful day, O woeful day!”
Joey:
What’s “woeful”?
Stevie:
Let’s just put it this way. Not. Good.
Not long after hitting Alex with the bad news, Joey came upstairs and announced, “Mr. Cannon’s on the phone.” Alex nearly fell off the bed.
“See. I knew it,” she said, jabbing a pointed finger at me. “I knew it was all just a big fat mistake.”
“Hey, don’t look at me. Blame your boy friend,” I told her.
“He didn’t ask for you,” said Joey. “He asked to speak with Dad.”
“That’s weird,” Alex said.
I, for one, agreed. “Maybe . . . he wants to ask Dad to borrow some costumes or props, or about the set for Romeo and Juliet or something.”
“Maybe . . . he wants to ask Dad to direct this time or something,” Joey said.
“Yeah! Maybe he didn’t pick you for Juliet because Dad will be directing, and that might be weird or something.”
“Or maybe . . .” Alex said, holding out hope, “he wants to apologize for making the biggest, giantest mistake of his life. You know, tell Dad he’s sorry and ask Dad to tell me.”
Joey and I gave each other a look. An I-don’t-think-so look.
“Joey. Go downstairs and listen,” Alex urged.
“Me? Eavesdrop?” said Joey, faking innocence. Now who’s the actress in our family?
Not five minutes later, Joey came racing up the stairs, all out of breath. “The play . . . Romeo
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