Coco Pinchard's Big Fat Tipsy Wedding: A Funny Feel-Good Romantic Comedy by Robert Bryndza Page B
Authors: Robert Bryndza
Tags: Humor, Gay, Contemporary Romance, Humour, Satire, England, British, ChickLit, London, Romantic Comedy, Prison, Women's Fiction, Relationships, Comedy, wedding, jail, Diary Format, love sex and marriage, British humour, publishing industry, funny books, laugh out loud, Big Fat Gypsy Wedding, British Humor
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nephew Rosencrantz and Tony’s family. I’ll be pulling out all of the stops. As we now share the same decor as The Queen, I’ve decided we’ll have the same Christmas! We’ll be having the same food, and following the same programme of events; although, I won’t be addressing the nation at 3pm. I leave that to her Majesty!
We wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and prosperous New Year
Meryl, Tony & Wilfred Watson.
The cheeky cow, to think all the years she came here for Christmas, ate my food, and pulled my crackers! I’m seething.
Thursday 9th December 10.45
TO: [email protected]
Marika phoned me from the staff room at work. I asked her what I should do about Meryl.
‘Remind me what the problem is?’ she said. ‘You haven’t been invited to spend Christmas with her?’
‘That’s right.’
‘Or Ethel, or Tony or your idiot ex-husband…’
‘Yep.’
‘And you’ve always said it was your dream to spend Christmas on your own?’
‘Yes…’ There was a silence. ‘Are you still there?’ I said.
‘Yeah, I’m just waiting to hear what the problem is?’
‘It’s the principle,’ I whined.
‘People who bang on about ‘the principle’ never get far in life,’ she said. ‘What’s Meryl’s number? I could phone and remind her of the principle involved and demand you be part of her Sandringham Christmas.’
‘Don’t you dare!’ I said.
‘Just leave it then Coco. It’s her problem, not yours. Buy her a really shit present, like stretch mark cream.’
‘Hey I could get Tony some Viagra off the internet too!’
‘Talking of Viagra. What’s going on with that hottie at the coffee shop?’
‘Who? Xavier? Nothing!’ I said.
‘How often have been to the cafe?’
‘Well, lots. I’ve been going in to get milk for Rocco, he’s very sweet and a bit flirty.’
‘Well, maybe you should do something. God woman, you’ll regret your timidity when you’re a pensioner. You make life far more difficult than it should be…’
I came off the phone and thought maybe I should do something. Shake things up a bit.
Monday 13th December 11.36
TO: [email protected]
Thank you for your chat the other day. Over the weekend I had a think and you’re right, I do make things too complicated. I’m going to stop thinking about Meryl and have the most wonderful selfish lazy Christmas, eating Sushi and a whole tin of Quality Street under the Christmas tree.
I also did something about Xavier. It did strike me that he might be gay (the hot ones usually are) so I dragged Chris out of bed to Insomnia Cafe.
'He’s straight,' said Chris the second we walked through the big glass door. Xavier hadn’t even turned round, he was bent over re-stocking the fridge.
'How do you know?' I whispered. Xavier was wearing his tight black Barista trousers, smart black shoes.
‘It’s his underwear, see, he’s wearing some grey boxers off the market. Any respecting gay guy with his body would most certainly be wearing designer undies.'
Sure enough Xavier had a big pair of grey briefs bunching up and spilling over his waistband.
'That’s great,' I grinned.
'For you,' he huffed. 'I’m going back to bed.'
'Don’t you want coffee? My treat.’
'No, I’ll use my machine at home… At least my machine won’t reject me like a hot straight guy,' and he stomped off in his snow boots.
Xavier made me a Latte as usual, and as he was warming the milk, I took a deep breath and invited him to come as my date to Angie’s Christmas party next week. He looked a bit surprised - but he said yes! How impressed are you?
P.s Can you babysit Rocco whilst I’m at the party?
Monday 13th December 13.12
TO: [email protected]
Marika just phoned me from the staff room.
‘Are you mad?’ she said. ‘What are you doing inviting some random guy from your local coffee shop to Angie’s Christmas party?’
‘He’s not random. He’s
We wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy and prosperous New Year
Meryl, Tony & Wilfred Watson.
The cheeky cow, to think all the years she came here for Christmas, ate my food, and pulled my crackers! I’m seething.
Thursday 9th December 10.45
TO: [email protected]
Marika phoned me from the staff room at work. I asked her what I should do about Meryl.
‘Remind me what the problem is?’ she said. ‘You haven’t been invited to spend Christmas with her?’
‘That’s right.’
‘Or Ethel, or Tony or your idiot ex-husband…’
‘Yep.’
‘And you’ve always said it was your dream to spend Christmas on your own?’
‘Yes…’ There was a silence. ‘Are you still there?’ I said.
‘Yeah, I’m just waiting to hear what the problem is?’
‘It’s the principle,’ I whined.
‘People who bang on about ‘the principle’ never get far in life,’ she said. ‘What’s Meryl’s number? I could phone and remind her of the principle involved and demand you be part of her Sandringham Christmas.’
‘Don’t you dare!’ I said.
‘Just leave it then Coco. It’s her problem, not yours. Buy her a really shit present, like stretch mark cream.’
‘Hey I could get Tony some Viagra off the internet too!’
‘Talking of Viagra. What’s going on with that hottie at the coffee shop?’
‘Who? Xavier? Nothing!’ I said.
‘How often have been to the cafe?’
‘Well, lots. I’ve been going in to get milk for Rocco, he’s very sweet and a bit flirty.’
‘Well, maybe you should do something. God woman, you’ll regret your timidity when you’re a pensioner. You make life far more difficult than it should be…’
I came off the phone and thought maybe I should do something. Shake things up a bit.
Monday 13th December 11.36
TO: [email protected]
Thank you for your chat the other day. Over the weekend I had a think and you’re right, I do make things too complicated. I’m going to stop thinking about Meryl and have the most wonderful selfish lazy Christmas, eating Sushi and a whole tin of Quality Street under the Christmas tree.
I also did something about Xavier. It did strike me that he might be gay (the hot ones usually are) so I dragged Chris out of bed to Insomnia Cafe.
'He’s straight,' said Chris the second we walked through the big glass door. Xavier hadn’t even turned round, he was bent over re-stocking the fridge.
'How do you know?' I whispered. Xavier was wearing his tight black Barista trousers, smart black shoes.
‘It’s his underwear, see, he’s wearing some grey boxers off the market. Any respecting gay guy with his body would most certainly be wearing designer undies.'
Sure enough Xavier had a big pair of grey briefs bunching up and spilling over his waistband.
'That’s great,' I grinned.
'For you,' he huffed. 'I’m going back to bed.'
'Don’t you want coffee? My treat.’
'No, I’ll use my machine at home… At least my machine won’t reject me like a hot straight guy,' and he stomped off in his snow boots.
Xavier made me a Latte as usual, and as he was warming the milk, I took a deep breath and invited him to come as my date to Angie’s Christmas party next week. He looked a bit surprised - but he said yes! How impressed are you?
P.s Can you babysit Rocco whilst I’m at the party?
Monday 13th December 13.12
TO: [email protected]
Marika just phoned me from the staff room.
‘Are you mad?’ she said. ‘What are you doing inviting some random guy from your local coffee shop to Angie’s Christmas party?’
‘He’s not random. He’s
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