Coconuts and Wonderbras by Lynda Renham Page A

petulantly, thumbing through the great tome.
    Jamie studies his reflection in the wall mirror. God, what a poof. I have nothing against gays but Jamie takes the biscuit. He strokes his eyebrows several times and finally turns to me.
        ‘You look fab, but I really don’t think you’re his type,’ I say flippantly.
    He laughs revealing his well-cared-for teeth.
        ‘Ah, but our next client most certainly is. What the hell was all that about your bloody vibrator by the way?’
    I pull a face.
        ‘My electricity bill was huge. I can’t think what has shot it up so much.’
        ‘It’s your heating darling. It’s like the bloody Sahara in your cottage.’
    He closes the folder and hands it to me.
        ‘Here is your homework. Everything you need to know about your favourite author. I know you don’t want to do it, but he is the biggest client we have ever taken on. He’s returning home to England, and we are lucky he wants us. The film will be huge. Just try for Christ’s sake. Every other woman is falling at his feet. He is a heart-throb for goodness sake. At least try and…’
        ‘He didn’t even say goodbye,’ I say crossly, picking up my bag. ‘Oh, can you give me an advance, just so I can pay the rent? I’ll bake you some rock cakes.’
    He shakes his head, and I feel my face crumple.
        ‘Oh, okay, don’t start bloody crying. Just do me one favour, please don’t walk around my office again like you’ve got a stick up your arse. He must think you spend all your time sitting on your bloody vibrator.’
        ‘I probably will now. Toby and I broke up last night, so Orlando Broom will be my best friend.’
        ‘I thought you got engaged?’
        ‘Well, I almost did; in fact, I probably would have done if it hadn’t been for that arse Alex Bryant.’
    Well, let’s face it, everything is his fault. If he hadn’t had caused such upset I wouldn’t have gone outside, and Toby would have stayed at the table with me. The whole Serena thing would not have happened. Damn Alex Bryant. I walk from the office. Jane looks longingly at the book in my hand, and I drop it carelessly onto her desk.
        ‘Here have it. It’s easier for me to watch Superman the Movie ,’ I say scornfully.
        ‘Don’t you think he is just great?’ she says flicking through the pages and licking her lips. ‘He is so manly and brave.’
        ‘He is just a journalist,’ I reply flatly.
        ‘Matt Rudlin, on his chat show, called him a modern day hero, a man to inspire ,’ she says dreamily.
    I take a step back and look at her.
        ‘Inspires you to do what? Fight grizzly bears? Anyway Matt Rudlin is gay. Come to think of it, gay men do seem to like Bryant. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if all that macho stuff is just a cover for his homosexuality,’ I say smugly.
        ‘Oh no, he has a girlfriend. She is lovely.’ Her eyes travel down my body before she adds spitefully, ‘And she is so slim. Really, she has a figure to die for.’
    Don’t you just hate women? They are so unbelievably bitchy.
        ‘Really,’ I say sharply and grab the book. ‘Maybe I will read this after all.’
    I ignore her gasp and march to my office deciding that waitressing is, in fact, a very good idea indeed.
     
     

 
     
     
    Chapter Five
     
        I remember twenty minutes before I am supposed to be there that I had promised to have dinner with my parents. Madam Zigana’s words have not had much of an impact because I’m obviously not looking at the clock enough, or my diary come to that. I had just laboured over a chopped salad and prized open a tin of tuna when I remembered. My mother is bound to have made some wonderful dessert, and she will, of course, expect a cake. I grab the ginger cake I had made for the milkman and jump in the car. I speed my way to my parents while my stomach rumbles at the thought of a roast dinner with crispy roast potatoes. I