the water turned a rich dark brown, poured a cup and brought it back to the living room, where he opened the front door, stuck out his hand and retrieved The New York Times. He scanned the pages as he sipped at his coffee, then threw the paper aside to read later and decided to dress and face the day. Leaving the bed unmade, the coffee cup unwashed, papers strewn on the floor, he dressed in a gray sweat suit and left the apartment. Where would he go? To Central Park? More than possible … Why not? Sunday mornings were the only time to get out into the fresh air after a long week in a stuffy office. The more she dwelled on it the more logical the fantasy became.
She got up quickly, leaving much of the toast and tea untouched, paid the check and proceeded toward the park.
Once inside the park she was deluged with a dozen overlapping thoughts—all negative. How in God’s name would she find him, if this was where he would be going? It was a good-sized park with plenty of trails and was it possible that she could accidentally bump into him? Stupid … STUPID … This is just a fantasy, she reminded herself, and you can’t manipulate reality. But there was an urge that compelled her on. Perhaps some unknown source had led her here, and him as well. There was such a thing as fate, or destiny. Don’t be ridiculous, Janet. Things happen spontaneously. This isn’t a movie, where you can change the script and make happy endings.
Abruptly a new thought occurred to her … maybe he could be at the skating rink. She walked quickly past the zoo and all but ran to the platform above the rink, where she had a perfect view of the skaters below. She scanned the panorama, carefully observing each face. The skaters pirouetted and twirled in pairs to the sound of a Chopin waltz coming over the loudspeaker. It was a romantic scene that made her sigh all the more deeply as she realized Bill wasn’t there. Slowly, she turned and walked away, the lovely music fading behind her.
By eleven that morning she’d given up, feeling like a female Walter Mitty. Slumping down on a park bench, she lectured herself, Well, you didn’t really think it would happen … In fact, you knew it wouldn’t. I’m sorry, Judy Garland, but you’re absolutely wrong. Wishing will not make it so. She sat looking out to the greenery beyond for a moment longer, then decided to go back to the hotel. Mission impossible not accomplished.
She sat on the edge of the bed, staring out of the window. God, how lonely Sundays were. Particularly this Sunday. Imagine, somewhere in this city was a man who had aroused feelings in her she’d never even been aware she had, brought out a kind of compulsive, irrational behavior … If this wasn’t love she couldn’t find a different or a better word for it. If her parents could see the state she was in and the reasons for it … Their words sounded in her ears … “Your father and I are not for your leaving college and going off to New York by yourself, but as much as we’re against it, we do give our consent … Janet, you’re very mature for nineteen and we know we can depend on you to do the right thing … you’re a very level-headed young woman, we’re very proud of you, and we know you won’t do anything to embarrass us or yourself …
Well, mother darling, you wouldn’t be so sure at this moment about that, not when I’m burning up and crazy in love with a man who doesn’t even know I exist. If I could, right now at this very minute, I would encourage him to seduce me. So there, mother, that’s your adorable little Janet, Girl Scout leader, pompom girl of the year, Miss Kansas Corn and runner-up for the Kansas Miss America. And, damn it, he didn’t even look at me. And you know something else, dear mother? The most shocking thing of all is I would never have guessed such passion was even a part of cool, calm and collected Janet Stevens. Cool? Some bad joke …
She got up, paced the floor. It was only
She got up quickly, leaving much of the toast and tea untouched, paid the check and proceeded toward the park.
Once inside the park she was deluged with a dozen overlapping thoughts—all negative. How in God’s name would she find him, if this was where he would be going? It was a good-sized park with plenty of trails and was it possible that she could accidentally bump into him? Stupid … STUPID … This is just a fantasy, she reminded herself, and you can’t manipulate reality. But there was an urge that compelled her on. Perhaps some unknown source had led her here, and him as well. There was such a thing as fate, or destiny. Don’t be ridiculous, Janet. Things happen spontaneously. This isn’t a movie, where you can change the script and make happy endings.
Abruptly a new thought occurred to her … maybe he could be at the skating rink. She walked quickly past the zoo and all but ran to the platform above the rink, where she had a perfect view of the skaters below. She scanned the panorama, carefully observing each face. The skaters pirouetted and twirled in pairs to the sound of a Chopin waltz coming over the loudspeaker. It was a romantic scene that made her sigh all the more deeply as she realized Bill wasn’t there. Slowly, she turned and walked away, the lovely music fading behind her.
By eleven that morning she’d given up, feeling like a female Walter Mitty. Slumping down on a park bench, she lectured herself, Well, you didn’t really think it would happen … In fact, you knew it wouldn’t. I’m sorry, Judy Garland, but you’re absolutely wrong. Wishing will not make it so. She sat looking out to the greenery beyond for a moment longer, then decided to go back to the hotel. Mission impossible not accomplished.
She sat on the edge of the bed, staring out of the window. God, how lonely Sundays were. Particularly this Sunday. Imagine, somewhere in this city was a man who had aroused feelings in her she’d never even been aware she had, brought out a kind of compulsive, irrational behavior … If this wasn’t love she couldn’t find a different or a better word for it. If her parents could see the state she was in and the reasons for it … Their words sounded in her ears … “Your father and I are not for your leaving college and going off to New York by yourself, but as much as we’re against it, we do give our consent … Janet, you’re very mature for nineteen and we know we can depend on you to do the right thing … you’re a very level-headed young woman, we’re very proud of you, and we know you won’t do anything to embarrass us or yourself …
Well, mother darling, you wouldn’t be so sure at this moment about that, not when I’m burning up and crazy in love with a man who doesn’t even know I exist. If I could, right now at this very minute, I would encourage him to seduce me. So there, mother, that’s your adorable little Janet, Girl Scout leader, pompom girl of the year, Miss Kansas Corn and runner-up for the Kansas Miss America. And, damn it, he didn’t even look at me. And you know something else, dear mother? The most shocking thing of all is I would never have guessed such passion was even a part of cool, calm and collected Janet Stevens. Cool? Some bad joke …
She got up, paced the floor. It was only
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