Control by M. S. Willis Page A

he
could remove it and he tossed it aside.   I rubbed my hands over his
broad chest and we looked at each other in the scant traces of light that came
in through the window to our right.  The man was beautiful.  There
was no other word to describe him.  Every part of him looked like it was
chiseled from stone but his naturally tan coloring softened him to the point
where you couldn’t help but want to run your hands over the smooth skin. 
    Alex
bent down and started placing kisses on my stomach.  I ran my hands over
his shoulders and down his back as he continued to kiss his way up to my
ribs.  His hand caressed my breast and he took it into his mouth.  I
arched into him from the feel of his warm mouth on me.  He teased the tip
of my breast with his tongue and the suction of his mouth caused the tip to
harden into a small pebble.  He turned his attention to the other breast
and a soft moan escaped my lips upon contact.
    I
pushed my hands though Alex’s hair and pulled him up to my mouth.  His
lips pressed into mine and his body shifted between my legs.   There
was no need to rush what was happening between us.   There was no
passionate force in this, no driving desire to totally and completely consume
the other.  What we had was perfect for me because I had the comforting
closeness of another soul, but my heart could remain protected in the walls I
constructed around it so long ago.  There were times when I felt selfish
for allowing this between us.  Although I knew I could walk away unbroken
when this eventually came to an end, I wasn’t sure the same could be said for
Alex.  He never voices an emotion that goes beyond the line I drew for him
years ago, but I often suspect he hopes that, someday, I can give him more.
    When we
had touched and tasted and driven each other to a point of desperation for more,
Alex slid his boxers down and his hands grazed my hips as he stripped me of my
underwear.  His fingers teased along my core and a low growl erupted from
within him when he discovered my readiness.  He pushed into me slowly and
paused before continuing the slow, lazy rhythm.  My head tilted back when
he filled me and a quiet moan escaped my lips.  We rocked into each other
and our hands continued their exploration of our bodies.   A slow
fire began to burn down below and my tension released further as he pushed
deeper and an explosion started to build within me. Alex’s rhythm became faster
and harder as we moved towards release together.  We locked eyes as our
bodies climaxed in unison and once the final tremors had finished tearing
through us both, Alex bent down and placed the gentlest of kisses on my
mouth.  I smiled a lazy and satisfied grin at him and he reached up with
his hand to caress my cheek.  The look on Alex’s face was one of adoration
and love and my guilt consumed me.  I wished so much that I could give
this beautiful man the parts of myself that he deserved, but no matter how
badly I wanted that, my heart would not respond.  I broke eye contact with
him and he moved to the side to let me up.   Alex learned a long time
ago that I’m not the type to cuddle after sex.  It was a means to end and
any emotion that came with it was uncomfortable for me.   
    I
pushed off of the bed, never making eye contact with him, and I walked into the
bathroom to clean up.  I returned to the bed and Alex was laying on his
back staring at the ceiling.  The look on his face was a mixture of
frustration and hurt and the guilt tore at me more when I realized I had caused
that pain.  I laid down beside him and started to hug my arms around him,
but he pushed himself up and walked to the bathroom.  He closed the door
behind him and I sighed.  I threw my arm over my eyes and considered
releasing Alex from what was between us.  I loved him too much to cause
him pain, but I was not in love with him and I wasn’t able to give him what he
needed most.  Alex opened the door after a few