again. Maybe I should buy some Depends while I'm out.
I drifted to the Sex-Ed DVD section. In between The Girl's Guide to Fellatio and The Girl's Guide to Kink was The Girl's Guide to Anal Sex . I picked it up and examined the cover.
It was produced by Tamara Tolson, the same girl who wrote a website I found about all things anal. I guess there are a lot of girls way into anal. Much more than I ever thought.
And Tamara Tolson is definitely into it. Three books, two DVD's, and a website. All about anal. Wow, really?
Okay, I said to myself. I can do this.
I just can't imagine coming from it. The only two times I had a cock in my ass were... well... unpleasant, to say the least.
Educational DVD in hand, I went past the harnesses, dildos, vibrators, and BDSM equipment to the butt plug section. What a selection!
Holy shit, how many different types of anal stimulation can you have? Apparently more than I can imagine.
I found the basic butt plugs and looked at the medium. Oh my God! No fucking way. There is no fucking way that is going in my ass!
And there's one even bigger than that? Holy fuck.
I took a small one off the rack, then the medium. I had to get myself prepped for this, right? I wasn't about to hurt myself.
I took my three naughty items up to the cash register past the fifty-ish guy, now in the All-Girl DVD section, who I again caught looking at me through the section signs.
I expected some remark or raised eyebrow from the guy at the cash register, but he just nonchalantly rang me up. Probably sees twenty women like me buying butt plugs every day, right?
"Do you need any lube?" he said.
Oh shit yeah! Can't forget the lube.
"Yes," I said. "Sorry, I'm new at this." That sounded stupid. "Where is it?"
"Right over here," he said, coming out from behind the counter and showing me a table decked out in a rainbow of colored lubes. Too many to choose from.
"I usually use plain old Astroglide with my vibrator, but for this..." I gestured at my purchases on the counter, "Can you recommend one?" I said.
"Oh honey no, avoid the Astroglide for anal. For those I would use something thicker and longer-lasting, silicone-based. Like this one here." He held up a squirt bottle of Bum Butter. The label had a graphic drawing of two butt cheeks on it. "I know, kinda cheesy, right? Or... this one here." The second one was called Liquid Sky. Purple with stars and clouds. Much better.
"I'll take that one," I said.
As he rang me up, I noticed little squirt tubes of Liquid Sky for 99 cents each.
"I'll take these too," I said.
Fifty dollars later and I was out on the street. I felt bad that I was planning to rob the guy that just helped me, but my mentor did say that the store would be reimbursed.
On the way home I stopped at CVS and bought one of those disposable enemas.
Once back in the safety of my apartment, I bolted the door, closed my blinds, and got naked. Shit, I really can't believe I'm doing this.
I opened a new bottle of Pinot Grigio, put the DVD in, and pressed Play.
There she was. Tamara Tolson, the Queen of Anal. I sipped some wine. She sat there talking to the camera surrounded by a group of porn stars who looked like they couldn't wait to get up each other's asses.
She went through everything... going slow, cleaning yourself out, teasing, going slow, working your way up, going slow, different types of toys, dental dams (Yeah, right! Does anyone really use those? No way!) , and going slow.
Going slow seemed to be the main theme. Got it, Tamara.
OK, Meghan, enough stalling. Turn off the DVD and get this show on the road!
I rinsed out the enema bottle according to the DVD's instructions. Something about the saline solution causing diarrhea. Don't need any of that, thanks.
I did the cleaning out deed and wondered how gay guys do this all the time. Or even anal girls.
Then I got out the small butt plug and washed it off. I opened the bottle of Liquid Sky and got a good gob of it on my right hand.
I went
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