pseudonym mainly for his Sherlock Holmes parodies,
of which (here's another It's-A-Fact) he wrote well over sixty, all—with their
pawky jokes, nimble puns, satirical stings—uniformly delightful. In 1975 the
Mysterious Press published a selection in The Adventures of Herlock Sholmes —highly recommended.
Here's one that's never made it between hard covers before. . .
C HRISTMAS tomorrow!' Herlock Sholmes remarked thoughtfully.
I started.
'My dear Sholmes!' I murmured.
Herlock Sholmes smiled.
'You are surprised, Jotson, to hear me make that statement with such positiveness,'
he remarked. 'Yet, I assure you that such is the case.'
'I acknowledge, Sholmes, that I ought no longer to be surprised at
anything you may say or do. But from what grounds do you infer—'
'Quite simple, my dear Jotson. Look from the window upon the slushy
streets and the hurrying crowds, all indicative of the approach of Christmas!'
'True! But why tomorrow precisely?'
'Ah, there we go a little deeper, Jotson. I deduce that Christmas occurs
tomorrow from a study of the calendar!'
'The calendar!' I exclaimed, in astonishment.
'Exactly!'
'As you know, Sholmes, I have endeavoured to study your methods, in my
humbler way, yet I confess that I do not see the connection—'
'Probably not, Jotson. But to the trained, professional mind it presents
no difficulties. Christmas, you are aware, falls upon the twenty-fifth day of
the month!'
'True!'
'Look at the calendar, Jotson!'
I obeyed.
'It tells you nothing?'
'Nothing!' I confessed.
Sholmes smiled again, a somewhat bored smile.
'My dear fellow, the calendar indicates that today is the twenty-fourth!'
'Quite so. But—’
'And as Christmas falls upon the twenty-fifth, it follows—to an acute mind
accustomed to rapid deductions—that tomorrow is Christmas!'
I could only gaze at my amazing friend in silent admiration.
'But there will be no holiday for us tomorrow, my dear Jotson,' resumed
Herlock Sholmes. 'I have received a wire from the Duke of Hookeywalker, who—
Ah, his Grace has arrived!'
Even as Sholmes spoke the Duke of Hookeywalker was shown into our
sitting-room.
Herlock Sholmes removed his feet from the mantelpiece with the graceful
courtesy so natural to him.
'Pray be seated,' said Sholmes. 'You may speak quite freely before my
friend, Dr Jotson!'
'Mr Sholmes, I have sustained a terrible loss!'
Sholmes smiled.
'Your Grace has lost the pawn ticket?' he inquired.
'Mr Sholmes, you must be a wizard! How did you guess?'
'I never guess,' said Herlock Sholmes quietly. 'My business is to deal
with facts. Pray let me have some details.'
'It is true, Mr Sholmes, that the pawn ticket is missing,' said the duke
in an agitated voice. 'You are aware that the house of Hookeywalker has a great
reputation for hospitality, which must be kept up even in these days of
stress. It was necessary for me to give a large Christmas party at Hookey
Castle, and, to obtain the necessary funds, the family jewels were pledged with
Mr Ikey Solomons, of Houndsditch. The ticket was in my own keeping—it never
left me. I kept it in my own card-case. The card-case never left my person. Yet
now, Mr Sholmes, the ticket is missing!'
'And the card-case?'
'Still in my pocket!'
'When were the Hookeywalker jewels placed with Mr Solomons?'
'Yesterday morning!'
'And the ticket was missing—'
'Last night,' faltered the duke. 'I looked in my card-case to make sure
that it was still safe, and it was gone. How it had been purloined, Mr Sholmes,
is a mystery—an unfathomable mystery!'
'No mystery is unfathomable to a trained mind' said Sholmes calmly. 'I
have every hope of recovering the missing pawn ticket.'
'Mr Sholmes, you give me new life. But how—’
Sholmes interrupted.
'After leaving Mr Solomons' establishment, where did your Grace go?'
'I had to make a call at the Chinwag Department of the War Office, and
from there I returned to Hookey Castle.'
'You made no other
of which (here's another It's-A-Fact) he wrote well over sixty, all—with their
pawky jokes, nimble puns, satirical stings—uniformly delightful. In 1975 the
Mysterious Press published a selection in The Adventures of Herlock Sholmes —highly recommended.
Here's one that's never made it between hard covers before. . .
C HRISTMAS tomorrow!' Herlock Sholmes remarked thoughtfully.
I started.
'My dear Sholmes!' I murmured.
Herlock Sholmes smiled.
'You are surprised, Jotson, to hear me make that statement with such positiveness,'
he remarked. 'Yet, I assure you that such is the case.'
'I acknowledge, Sholmes, that I ought no longer to be surprised at
anything you may say or do. But from what grounds do you infer—'
'Quite simple, my dear Jotson. Look from the window upon the slushy
streets and the hurrying crowds, all indicative of the approach of Christmas!'
'True! But why tomorrow precisely?'
'Ah, there we go a little deeper, Jotson. I deduce that Christmas occurs
tomorrow from a study of the calendar!'
'The calendar!' I exclaimed, in astonishment.
'Exactly!'
'As you know, Sholmes, I have endeavoured to study your methods, in my
humbler way, yet I confess that I do not see the connection—'
'Probably not, Jotson. But to the trained, professional mind it presents
no difficulties. Christmas, you are aware, falls upon the twenty-fifth day of
the month!'
'True!'
'Look at the calendar, Jotson!'
I obeyed.
'It tells you nothing?'
'Nothing!' I confessed.
Sholmes smiled again, a somewhat bored smile.
'My dear fellow, the calendar indicates that today is the twenty-fourth!'
'Quite so. But—’
'And as Christmas falls upon the twenty-fifth, it follows—to an acute mind
accustomed to rapid deductions—that tomorrow is Christmas!'
I could only gaze at my amazing friend in silent admiration.
'But there will be no holiday for us tomorrow, my dear Jotson,' resumed
Herlock Sholmes. 'I have received a wire from the Duke of Hookeywalker, who—
Ah, his Grace has arrived!'
Even as Sholmes spoke the Duke of Hookeywalker was shown into our
sitting-room.
Herlock Sholmes removed his feet from the mantelpiece with the graceful
courtesy so natural to him.
'Pray be seated,' said Sholmes. 'You may speak quite freely before my
friend, Dr Jotson!'
'Mr Sholmes, I have sustained a terrible loss!'
Sholmes smiled.
'Your Grace has lost the pawn ticket?' he inquired.
'Mr Sholmes, you must be a wizard! How did you guess?'
'I never guess,' said Herlock Sholmes quietly. 'My business is to deal
with facts. Pray let me have some details.'
'It is true, Mr Sholmes, that the pawn ticket is missing,' said the duke
in an agitated voice. 'You are aware that the house of Hookeywalker has a great
reputation for hospitality, which must be kept up even in these days of
stress. It was necessary for me to give a large Christmas party at Hookey
Castle, and, to obtain the necessary funds, the family jewels were pledged with
Mr Ikey Solomons, of Houndsditch. The ticket was in my own keeping—it never
left me. I kept it in my own card-case. The card-case never left my person. Yet
now, Mr Sholmes, the ticket is missing!'
'And the card-case?'
'Still in my pocket!'
'When were the Hookeywalker jewels placed with Mr Solomons?'
'Yesterday morning!'
'And the ticket was missing—'
'Last night,' faltered the duke. 'I looked in my card-case to make sure
that it was still safe, and it was gone. How it had been purloined, Mr Sholmes,
is a mystery—an unfathomable mystery!'
'No mystery is unfathomable to a trained mind' said Sholmes calmly. 'I
have every hope of recovering the missing pawn ticket.'
'Mr Sholmes, you give me new life. But how—’
Sholmes interrupted.
'After leaving Mr Solomons' establishment, where did your Grace go?'
'I had to make a call at the Chinwag Department of the War Office, and
from there I returned to Hookey Castle.'
'You made no other
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