Cyrus by Mj Fields Page B

stepped in and it felt so good. I’m sure
it had a lot to do with the fact that I still felt tingly all over,
I mean I was a bit sore but the way he made me feel was worth a
hundred times this slight burn. I felt like I did after dancing,
not at the club, but for me.
    I was in there for a long time soaking and
scrubbing, it felt really, really good. I remember as a child
taking baths. We played with these crayons that I could write on
the walls, math-- always math.
    I heard him outside in the hall. He was
arguing and I was sure I recognized the other voice.
    “Are you fucking stupid Cyrus!” he was
angry, really angry.
    Cyrus , I felt really bad but I think
that was the first time I had heard his name. It suited him well--
dark and overpowering.
    “I don’t need this shit right now,
Jase!”
    “You need a fucking wake-up call man, you’ve
got …three fucking rides, well you just fucked that all to hell,
now didn’t you?!”
    “She fucking gets it!”
    “Look at your God damn bed, Cyrus!”
    “Get out!”
    “You’re smarter than this!”
    “I’m done with this shit. You wanna talk
about something else I’m all ears, but this isn’t your fucking
problem it’s mine! I got this: go home.”
    I covered my ears, I didn’t like the
fighting and I didn’t like that it was about me. I have gotten
through the past fifteen years without it, blending.
    I sank lower in the tub so the water covered
everything except my nose and lips. I could hear myself think like
this. “One blanket, two sheets, three pillows, four pants? Oh damn
it.”
    I was breathing, feeling the anxiety
building up, scared, a little not a lot. I felt a vibration and
opened my eyes and sat up.
    He was looking at me different, he was going
to tell me I had to leave, which I know is going to happen, expect
it to happen.
    “Cyrus,” it came out in a whisper, it was
the first time I had said his name.
    He didn’t say a word he just dropped his
boxers . I closed my eyes and felt him step into the tub.
    “Birdie you got your period?”
    “No,” I opened my eyes and he was sitting
with his knees bent, resting his elbows on them looking at me.
    “You’re bleeding,” he looked a little
upset.
    “I didn’t know.”
    “You wanna tell me this crazy shit going
through my head is wrong Birdie or are you gonna sit there and make
me fucking wonder if I just …Fuck!”
    I looked down and tried not to get
upset.
    “So that shit in the internet was real?
You’ve never…”
    I shook my head no.
    “Can I ask why you didn’t bother to mention
that shit?”
    “You didn’t ask.”
    “I just assumed, that a stripper who gave
fucking blow jobs on the mother fucking internet…”
    I stood up, “I’m going to take your shirt
and find some shorts and I’m going to leave now. I’m sorry for any
problems I’ve…”
    He pulled me down hard and water splashed
everywhere.
    “Tell me why God damn it!”
    “Why what?” I was a little afraid now, maybe
more embarrassed.
    “Tara!”
    “He can’t have it,” I had to whisper because
I know it sounded really bad, “and he won’t come after me.”
    His jaw dropped, “So you used me?”
    His voice actually squeaked and I looked up
at him and tried not to smile and shook my head yes.
    “And you think it’s funny Tara? I don’t fuck
virgins! I don’t fucking do shit like that!”
    “I want to warn you again that you don’t
scare me. I also know you won’t hurt me, so I may actually argue
with you.” This was the first time I felt I could say what I
wanted, “Besides, it had to happen sooner than later, right?”
    “How old are you?”
    “How old do you think I am?”
    “No games Tara…”
    “Fifteen.”
    After the shock wore off he started to stand
and I grabbed him just like he had me but I sat on his lap.
    “You need to …I’m so sorry Tara, Christ I’m
going to burn in hell…please get off of me.” I hugged him,
“Fuck!”
    I couldn’t do that to him anymore because as
comfortable