Dance While You Can by Susan Lewis Page B

tea Mr Billings was offering, and in a daze I let him take my arm and pull me inside the room. When the door was closed he turned to look at me, lifting his hand and pulling the scarf away from his mouth.
    ‘Merry Christmas,’ he said quietly.
    My voice seemed to come from somewhere far away inside me. It shook as I said, ‘How did you know . . .? What are you doing . . .?’ He put his hand on my face and I moved into the circle of his arms, and his mouth, still cold from the wind, was against mine, and his arms were holding me tight. He let me go and my eyes flew open.
    ‘Alexander . . .’
    ‘Just tell me you love me, Elizabeth. Please.’
    Cupping my face with his hands, he kissed my eyes and my nose and my cheeks, and then my mouth again. ‘I couldn’t think, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I had to come. Tell me it’s been the same for you too. Tell me you love me as much as I love you.’
    ‘I love you,’ I whispered, my voice breaking as I tried not to cry.
    He took off his coat and put it on the chair. I looked away, but he put his fingers under my chin and turned me back again.
    I tried to smile. ‘I don’t want to wait any longer,’ I whispered.
    He kissed me slowly, and his fingers were shaking as he started to unbutton my dress. After a while he lifted my hands and nodded for me to undress myself while he took off his own clothes. Most of the time I kept my eyes on the wall opposite because I was afraid to look at him, and afraid he might be disappointed in me. And then he was standing next to me, running his hands over my arms and I buried my face in his neck.
    He undid the catch at the back of my bra, then gently pushed me away from him. As he pulled the straps down over my arms and my breasts fell free, I heard the breath catch in his throat. I tried to cover myself, embarrassed by the way my nipples were standing out. He took my hands away and drew them to him. ‘Look at me, Elizabeth,’ he whispered. ‘Look at me here.
    I looked down, mesmerised by the way my hands were moving over him, and then as he took my nipples between his fingers, my hand tightened around him. I looked up as the sound came from the back of his throat, as if he were choking. And then my hand and my arm were suddenly wet.
    ‘Oh my God!’ His voice was thick with fury and disgust. He turned away, burying his face in his hands.
    I stood there, not knowing what to do, and then he pushed past me and escaped into the bathroom.
    He was standing in front of the washbasin when I went in, one hand on each side, staring down into the sink. ‘Alexander,’ I whispered.
    ‘Don’t,’ he growled. ‘I don’t want your pity.’
    I walked over and leaned my head on his shoulder. ‘I love you,’ I said. ‘Don’t be angry. Sometimes these things happen the first time.’
    ‘How do you know?’ he snapped.
    I slipped my arms around him and started to kiss his shoulder. He turned round and crushed me hard in his arms. ‘I just couldn’t stop it,’ he whispered.
    ‘I understand,’ I said.
    Picking up a towel he wrapped it round his waist, then sat down on the edge of the bath. I cradled his head in my arms, running my fingers through his hair. He had tried to be so brave for both of us, and now I knew that it was my turn.
    ‘Will you come back in now?’ I said, eventually. He nodded, so I took his hand and led him to the bed, where we lay down together.
    ‘Elizabeth,’ he whispered into the silence. ‘What you said just now, that these things sometimes happen the first time . . .’ He lifted himself on to one elbow and looked down into my face. ‘I wish I could find the words to tell you how much you mean to me.’ I closed my eyes and pulled him down to kiss me. After a while I pushed my tongue into his mouth, and it wasn’t long before I could feel the passion rising in him.
    His voice was gruff as he spoke. ‘Do you think we could try again?’
    I nodded, then found I had to swallow hard as he lowered his