cheap.”
“But … I … I was drunk!” she shouted.
He didn’t care that the two college guys and Roxy had given them their undivided attention. “Even back in Roxy’s office? You were drunk just now?”
Roxy coughed a little too loudly, but he ignored her. “You’re telling me that you had no idea what you were doing back there with me?” He’d lowered his voice to a whisper and wished it hadn’t sounded so desperate.
Hannah wrung her hands and glanced at Roxy before closing her eyes. “I just wanted to be with you like that again, Chris. ‘Cause you’re right. It is great. But it was no big deal.”
“It was a big deal to me. I can’t do this, Hannah. I love you, but you’re obviously not on the same page as me or just unwilling to get there. Either way, I’m done. It’s over. We’re done.” He choked on the last two words. “I’ve got to go.”
Hannah’s hand brushed his arm as he passed by, but he didn’t stop. If he had, she would have seen the tears streaming down his face. His heart broke with each step he took away from the woman he loved, and there was nothing he could do to change a damn thing.
Chapter Five
Hannah threw her keys onto the countertop just inside her apartment door before collapsing on the creaky futon. What the hell had she done?
She loved Chris. There was no question about it. She knew, it. Apparently even he knew it, too.
Yet she couldn’t give him what he wanted. Better yet, she couldn’t believe what he wanted. He wanted a relationship with her. He said he loved her. He wanted to be with her.
Why wouldn’t her heart let her accept that and dive in head first?
Tears stung her eyes, and she bit her upper lip. She knew why she pushed him away.
Her heart defined messed up. She feared rejection, pain, betrayal, and a hundred other things most people seemed to be able to manage in their own life. There was a reason her parents would tell her no one would want her. She was fucked up beyond all reason.
Why couldn’t she just let him have her heart? She wanted to give it to him. It wasn’t like she would ever consider giving it to anyone else. Chris was her rock. She loved him. Why did she want to sabotage the chance to have him?
She pounded her fist into the cushion. Everyone else around her had been able to find someone special to trust and give their hearts to even if it was for just a little while. Hell, she’d given Chris her heart until he said he actually wanted it.
That’s where it got risky. She could give it to him when she was in control. That’s why last night had seemed like a great plan. She’d been drunk; therefore she wasn’t responsible. Then she’d gone and messed it up tonight.
She couldn’t resist him. He’d gotten close, getting her to let go enough to experience passion and pleasure again. She’d been a goner.
Both times with Chris lit up parts of her she’d kept dormant for years. Sex with him was amazing. The thought of loving him with all of her heart felt even better. But if she knowingly gave her heart to Chris, he would be the one calling the shots. He could hurt her.
No. He could destroy her.
She shouldn’t have had the whiskey. The wonderfully warm liquid had blurred the line between fantasy and reality. It had given her permission to entertain ideas she never would have without it.
Too bad she couldn’t be buzzed all of the time. Then she’d have the courage to take what she wanted, and she wanted Chris.
Her head plopped on the back of the futon, and she stared at the ceiling. She wondered if she’d see Chris at the bar tomorrow night. What if he didn’t show up? What if he never came into the bar again? What if he really meant things were done with them?
She sat upright with her face twisted, tears streaming down her cheeks. The thought of never seeing Chris again hadn’t occurred to her before his parting words. She didn’t want to believe it might actually happen.
Could it really be the end?
“But … I … I was drunk!” she shouted.
He didn’t care that the two college guys and Roxy had given them their undivided attention. “Even back in Roxy’s office? You were drunk just now?”
Roxy coughed a little too loudly, but he ignored her. “You’re telling me that you had no idea what you were doing back there with me?” He’d lowered his voice to a whisper and wished it hadn’t sounded so desperate.
Hannah wrung her hands and glanced at Roxy before closing her eyes. “I just wanted to be with you like that again, Chris. ‘Cause you’re right. It is great. But it was no big deal.”
“It was a big deal to me. I can’t do this, Hannah. I love you, but you’re obviously not on the same page as me or just unwilling to get there. Either way, I’m done. It’s over. We’re done.” He choked on the last two words. “I’ve got to go.”
Hannah’s hand brushed his arm as he passed by, but he didn’t stop. If he had, she would have seen the tears streaming down his face. His heart broke with each step he took away from the woman he loved, and there was nothing he could do to change a damn thing.
Chapter Five
Hannah threw her keys onto the countertop just inside her apartment door before collapsing on the creaky futon. What the hell had she done?
She loved Chris. There was no question about it. She knew, it. Apparently even he knew it, too.
Yet she couldn’t give him what he wanted. Better yet, she couldn’t believe what he wanted. He wanted a relationship with her. He said he loved her. He wanted to be with her.
Why wouldn’t her heart let her accept that and dive in head first?
Tears stung her eyes, and she bit her upper lip. She knew why she pushed him away.
Her heart defined messed up. She feared rejection, pain, betrayal, and a hundred other things most people seemed to be able to manage in their own life. There was a reason her parents would tell her no one would want her. She was fucked up beyond all reason.
Why couldn’t she just let him have her heart? She wanted to give it to him. It wasn’t like she would ever consider giving it to anyone else. Chris was her rock. She loved him. Why did she want to sabotage the chance to have him?
She pounded her fist into the cushion. Everyone else around her had been able to find someone special to trust and give their hearts to even if it was for just a little while. Hell, she’d given Chris her heart until he said he actually wanted it.
That’s where it got risky. She could give it to him when she was in control. That’s why last night had seemed like a great plan. She’d been drunk; therefore she wasn’t responsible. Then she’d gone and messed it up tonight.
She couldn’t resist him. He’d gotten close, getting her to let go enough to experience passion and pleasure again. She’d been a goner.
Both times with Chris lit up parts of her she’d kept dormant for years. Sex with him was amazing. The thought of loving him with all of her heart felt even better. But if she knowingly gave her heart to Chris, he would be the one calling the shots. He could hurt her.
No. He could destroy her.
She shouldn’t have had the whiskey. The wonderfully warm liquid had blurred the line between fantasy and reality. It had given her permission to entertain ideas she never would have without it.
Too bad she couldn’t be buzzed all of the time. Then she’d have the courage to take what she wanted, and she wanted Chris.
Her head plopped on the back of the futon, and she stared at the ceiling. She wondered if she’d see Chris at the bar tomorrow night. What if he didn’t show up? What if he never came into the bar again? What if he really meant things were done with them?
She sat upright with her face twisted, tears streaming down her cheeks. The thought of never seeing Chris again hadn’t occurred to her before his parting words. She didn’t want to believe it might actually happen.
Could it really be the end?
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