my heart runs so fucking deep. He chose her, I have to remind myself that he’s no longer mine.
“Give us a minute.”
Angel and Ace get out of the car. I watch them greet Jagger, and they all hug and slap backs. They talk for a moment, and then Jagger’s gaze swings to the car, I watch him lift his sun glasses and squint. I take a deep breath and then I get out of the car. Jagger stares at me for a long moment when our eyes meet. So many things pass between us, so many unspoken words. His blue eyes crush my heart in ways that are so unimaginably painful.
“You came.” I say simply.
He nods. “Is he here?”
I nod. I open the car door and Jagger hesitates a moment. I lean in and unclip Cody from the car seat.
“It’s now or never little man.”
He goo’s and smiles at me. I force a smile back, and then I lift him out of the car. When I have him out, I turn and face Jagger. His eyes widen and his body flinches, it’s almost like a harsh jerk. He begins panting and his fists clench. I can see the fresh bruises on his cheek and some stitches in his lip from last night’s fight. He steps forward and Cody turns to look at him. He smiles and drool runs down his chin.
“Oh…fuck.” Jagger breathes.
It’s silent for a long moment after that. Then Cody reaches out and grips Jagger’s necklace, and that’s it for me. I look away, swallowing back my tears. Come on Willow, get it together. You have to be strong for your son. When I look up, Jagger is staring at me. Cody has a hand wrapped around one of Jagger’s fingers and it breaks my heart. It just tears it right out.
“Do you want to hold him?” I whisper.
Jagger nods, and I pass Cody over. When Jagger takes him in his arms, a tear stumbles down his cheek. Well fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I meet Ace’s eyes and the damn man is tearing up too. Fuck it Ace, where’s my back up here? Angel nods at me, but he’s swallowing. Tough men my ass. Cody touches Jagger’s face, I wonder if he knows that somehow he’s important. Jagger makes a strangled sound as Cody continues to pull and stroke his face. I turn away.
“Can we just discuss what needs to happen?” I whisper.
Jagger looks up at me, but I refuse to meet his eyes. I can’t let him see how much he affects me. I can’t. He is fucking Sharleen, I can’t ever forgive him for that.
“Bro, the choice is yours. You want our help or not?” Ace asks.
Jagger pulls his eyes from my face and stares over at the two men.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Good, we need to discuss it in private. How long have you got?”
“Two days. I have two days off. I always disappear during that time.”
Two days. Two days with him. I have to do it. Cody needs it. Cody. Cody.
“Right, Willow can he come back with us?”
I stare at Jagger, and his eyes meet mine again. “I don’t get a choice , do I? So can we just go?”
I reach for Cody and Jagger turns slightly. “Can I hold him a minute longer?”
I close my eyes and swallow. “Ok.”
“You want to take your car?” Angel asks.
“Nah, leave it here. No one will see it. I don’t want it followed.”
“Right, let’s go then.”
We all get into the car. Jagger hands Cody back to me, and once again I avoid that gaze. He knows it’s affecting me, he knows it and he’s still doing it anyway. I strap Cody in and sit beside him. When Jagger slides in beside me, I stiffen. Shit, bad move. I should have rode shotgun.
“Don’t tense like that, fuck Willow.”
“Please,” I whisper. “Just don’t touch me.”
Jagger stares painfully at me, then turns and stares out the window. He talks to Angel and Ace as we drive home. When we pull up, he stares at the beach house and emotion flickers across his expression.
“You live here?”
“Yes.” I say simply.
He nods and slides out of the car. I slide out after him and then go around to unbuckle Cody. I take him my arms and walk inside, not looking back at Jagger. I can’t. I feel like I’m going to be sick.
“Give us a minute.”
Angel and Ace get out of the car. I watch them greet Jagger, and they all hug and slap backs. They talk for a moment, and then Jagger’s gaze swings to the car, I watch him lift his sun glasses and squint. I take a deep breath and then I get out of the car. Jagger stares at me for a long moment when our eyes meet. So many things pass between us, so many unspoken words. His blue eyes crush my heart in ways that are so unimaginably painful.
“You came.” I say simply.
He nods. “Is he here?”
I nod. I open the car door and Jagger hesitates a moment. I lean in and unclip Cody from the car seat.
“It’s now or never little man.”
He goo’s and smiles at me. I force a smile back, and then I lift him out of the car. When I have him out, I turn and face Jagger. His eyes widen and his body flinches, it’s almost like a harsh jerk. He begins panting and his fists clench. I can see the fresh bruises on his cheek and some stitches in his lip from last night’s fight. He steps forward and Cody turns to look at him. He smiles and drool runs down his chin.
“Oh…fuck.” Jagger breathes.
It’s silent for a long moment after that. Then Cody reaches out and grips Jagger’s necklace, and that’s it for me. I look away, swallowing back my tears. Come on Willow, get it together. You have to be strong for your son. When I look up, Jagger is staring at me. Cody has a hand wrapped around one of Jagger’s fingers and it breaks my heart. It just tears it right out.
“Do you want to hold him?” I whisper.
Jagger nods, and I pass Cody over. When Jagger takes him in his arms, a tear stumbles down his cheek. Well fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I meet Ace’s eyes and the damn man is tearing up too. Fuck it Ace, where’s my back up here? Angel nods at me, but he’s swallowing. Tough men my ass. Cody touches Jagger’s face, I wonder if he knows that somehow he’s important. Jagger makes a strangled sound as Cody continues to pull and stroke his face. I turn away.
“Can we just discuss what needs to happen?” I whisper.
Jagger looks up at me, but I refuse to meet his eyes. I can’t let him see how much he affects me. I can’t. He is fucking Sharleen, I can’t ever forgive him for that.
“Bro, the choice is yours. You want our help or not?” Ace asks.
Jagger pulls his eyes from my face and stares over at the two men.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Good, we need to discuss it in private. How long have you got?”
“Two days. I have two days off. I always disappear during that time.”
Two days. Two days with him. I have to do it. Cody needs it. Cody. Cody.
“Right, Willow can he come back with us?”
I stare at Jagger, and his eyes meet mine again. “I don’t get a choice , do I? So can we just go?”
I reach for Cody and Jagger turns slightly. “Can I hold him a minute longer?”
I close my eyes and swallow. “Ok.”
“You want to take your car?” Angel asks.
“Nah, leave it here. No one will see it. I don’t want it followed.”
“Right, let’s go then.”
We all get into the car. Jagger hands Cody back to me, and once again I avoid that gaze. He knows it’s affecting me, he knows it and he’s still doing it anyway. I strap Cody in and sit beside him. When Jagger slides in beside me, I stiffen. Shit, bad move. I should have rode shotgun.
“Don’t tense like that, fuck Willow.”
“Please,” I whisper. “Just don’t touch me.”
Jagger stares painfully at me, then turns and stares out the window. He talks to Angel and Ace as we drive home. When we pull up, he stares at the beach house and emotion flickers across his expression.
“You live here?”
“Yes.” I say simply.
He nods and slides out of the car. I slide out after him and then go around to unbuckle Cody. I take him my arms and walk inside, not looking back at Jagger. I can’t. I feel like I’m going to be sick.
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