Days of Winter by Cynthia Freeman Page B

inside, she closed the door behind her and sat on the bed. How would she ever fit into this world? It was simply much too much. She ran into the bathroom and threw up. Then she reached into the medicine cabinet, took down the bottle of headache tablets, unscrewed the cap and popped two aspirins into her mouth, washing them down with a little water. God, but her head was pounding.
    “Rubin, you mustn’t be cross.” Solange was grateful for Magda’s absence. “She’s swimming in a big sea, and she must feel as though she’s drowning.”
    “I know. There are times I think she’s happy, and just as suddenly it’s as though a … well, a sort of cloud comes over her.”
    “Oh, dear boy, men are so foolish—”
    “And women so wise?”
    Solange smiled. “She’s magnificent, Rubin, and she will grow. We will become good friends, so put your mind at rest. She’s rebelling, not at you but at herself. Every woman needs the security of that one special man, and you’ll be leaving her stranded. I do believe she loves you, Rubin. But when she gets frightened, she gets angry, and has to lash out.”
    “You’re right, but what can I do? You know about my obligations … I can’t just abandon my family and—”
    “Then perhaps it would have been better if you had left her where she was. It might have been kinder.”
    “I couldn’t. If I can’t marry her, at least I can take care of her needs …”
    “Rubin, I’ve often wondered what would have become of my life if I’d had the courage to—oh, well, that’s long over … but if you love this girl as you seem to, why don’t you marry her?”
    “Do you think I haven’t thought of that? …Maybe I’m a coward, too, but I can’t hurt my family, go back on my word to a lovely girl … and I hardly need tell you, Solange, no matter what, Magda would never be welcome or even accepted. Do I have the right to subject her to that? And I repeat, I am engaged to a most lovely young woman—”
    “But you don’t love her …”
    Rubin sat staring blankly for a moment. “Not in the way I love Magda … no one will be like that again for me, but Jocelyn is so decent—”
    “ I’m speaking about love.”
    “I love Jocelyn, too, but in a different way. Please , Solange, don’t make it worse than it is—”
    “You need to be honest with yourself, Rubin … did you ever truly love this other girl?”
    “Yes, I think so … but Magda coming into my life has, to put it mildly, confused my feelings. I do still love Jocelyn but …”
    “Rubin, I’ve no right to press you. No need to explain further. Whatever you do, you do and I am your friend … and I would suggest, with your permission, that I also try to be Magda’s. Which at the moment means getting her to trust me.”
    Rubin nodded gratefully.
    Solange left the room, crossed the hall and knocked on the bedroom door.
    “Come in.”
    Magda was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling.
    “May I sit down?” Solange asked in a soft voice.
    “If you like,” Magda answered.
    “Magda,” Solange began, “if two people are to become friends, they must be completely honest with each other. I know you do not like me. In fact, you resent me. Is that not so?”
    “Yes.”
    “I appreciate your frankness. Have you asked yourself why?”
    “Yes.”
    “Tell me. My feelings are not fragile.”
    “You make me feel so … inferior.”
    “You mustn’t feel that way, because you aren’t. You are actually superior in many ways. You are also extraordinarily lovely. I want to be your friend. If you will accept my hand in friendship, you will find that I can be a very good friend indeed. Just remember one thing: You need not fear me, and you need not fear yourself.” She took Magda’s hand. “Now I’ll go back to Rubin. Please believe what I have told you.”
    Magda looked around the silent room. You’re a fool, Magda … a ridiculous, stupid fool. Here’s a man who loves you. No matter how hard you try to twist it