Death in Disguise by Caroline Graham Page A

Suhami had to remember very hard the Master’s maxim that all she needed to sustain her was not out there in the ether, or residing in another person’s psyche, but right in her own heart. This struck her as a tough and lonely dictum and she’d been alone enough already. As she pondered, footsteps disturbed the gravel outside and Suhami’s fingers trembled against the wooden stool.
    Christopher leaned over the stable door and said, ‘How’s my girl?’
    â€˜She’s been eating apples again.’
    As always Suhami was both exhilarated and perturbed by the sight of him. By the soft black hair and pale skin and glowing, slightly tilted grey-green eyes. She waited to hear him say, ‘And how’s my other girl?’ for this was a well worn bit of cross-talk. But he simply pushed open the stable door and crossed over to Calypso, taking hold of her collar saying, ‘C’mon old fat and hairy.’ He had hardly smiled and in a moment they would both be gone.
    Suhami said: ‘Aren’t you going to wish me happy birthday?’
    â€˜I’m sorry. Of course I am, love.’ He wound the chain about his wrist. ‘Happy birthday.’
    â€˜And you haven’t declared your undying passion for nearly a week. It’s not good enough.’
    Struggling to keep her voice light, to make a joke of it, Suhami heard the echo of a hundred similar questions in a hundred other scenes. Won’t you come in for a minute? Shall I see you again? Would you like to stay the night? Will you give me a call? Must you go already? Do you love me…do you love me… do you love me ? And she thought: Oh God—I haven’t changed at all. And I must. I must. I can’t go on like this.
    â€˜I know you only do it in fun…’ She heard the pleading note and loathed the sound.
    â€˜It was never in fun.’ His voice was harsh as he tugged at Calypso’s chain. ‘I said come on …’
    â€˜Not…’ Suhami stood up, dizzy and weightless. She stared at him in disbelief. ‘Not in fun? What then?’
    â€˜Does it matter?’
    â€˜Christopher.’ She ran towards him shaking with emotion, putting herself directly in his path. ‘What do you mean? You must tell me what you mean.’
    â€˜There’s no point.’
    â€˜The things you said…’ Almost exalted, she took hold of his chin and wrenched his face around, forcing him to meet her gaze. ‘They were true ?’
    â€˜You should have told me who you were.’
    â€˜But this is who I am.’ She held out begging arms. ‘The same person I was yesterday…’
    â€˜You don’t understand. I fell in love with someone and now I find she’s someone else. I’m not blaming you Suze—Sylvie—’
    â€˜Don’t call me that!’
    â€˜But I feel completely thrown. You know my situation. I’ve nothing. Well, nothing compared to the Gamelins—’
    â€˜Oh God…’ Suhami cried out, jerking back her head as if from a blow. ‘Am I going to have this all my life? Gamelin Gamelin Gamelin … I hate the word. I’d carve it out of myself with a knife if I could—I’d burn it out. Do you know what it means to me? Coldness, rejection, lack of love. You’ve never met my parents but I tell you they are hateful. All they care about is money. Making it, spending it. They eat and breathe and dream and live money. Their house is disgusting. My father is a monstrous man, my mother an overdressed dummy kept going by pills and drink. Yes! my name is Sylvia Gamelin and it’ll be the bloody death of me…’ And she burst into a torrent of abandoned weeping.
    Christopher seemed for a moment unable to speak. Then he stepped forward and folded her into his arms. After a long while he dried her tears, saying: ‘You must never, ever cry like that again.’

Chapter Two

    G uy and Felicity Gamelin