cousins cry, but I don’t cry.
We
bury Mommie out there on the knob where Grandpa Wallace and all the other
Starrs from way back are buried, with their names scratched on the moldy
stones. Mommie’s parents died when she was a girl, but her sisters and
brothers and cousins have come from Stormy Ridge. They stand apart from
us and whisper to each other. I have not seen them many times. I
barely know their names.
I
stand with my arm around Samuel as the dirt is shoveled into the hole. I
gaze out at the place where the sky touches a distant mountain top, and try to
remember a time when Mommie hugged and kissed me. Maybe she did it when I
was a little baby, but I don’t recall. She never had time for me.
You
are always in my way.
It
begins to rain. The preacher rattles on, and I want to tell him to shut
up.
As
we are leaving the graveyard I see Trula standing down the hill holding her
little baby in her arms. I start to run to her, but Roxie and Samuel grab
me.
“No,
Lorie.”
“Dad
won’t stand for it.”
So
we have to pretend she is not there. And my body has to go with the rest
of the family back to the house while my heart goes with Trula and Ford in the
rain down to the holler where I hope Mack is waiting for them.
November, 1921
Roxie
takes charge of baby Clint, just as she has already done with Daniel. I
can see that it’s hard on her. She is fourteen, and I am reminded of
Trula at that age when she took care of us. It’s no wonder she was glad
to get away at the first chance. Being Mack’s part time woman is better
than what she had here.
I
walk home from school as fast as I can to help Roxie. Poor little Jewel
struggles to keep up, and I threaten to leave her behind. Then I remember
another day when I was the little one unable to walk as fast as the
others. I slow down and take Jewel’s hand.
On
the way up Gospel Road we see some of our classmates playing in their yards or
in somebody else’s yard. I tell Jewel and Charles that we will do that
one day after school. We will stop and play with our friends and
cousins. Jewel wants to know when can we do that? But I can’t say
when.
********************
Dad
gets up on a cold clear Saturday morning and tells us he has business down the
mountain, and he will be back in one week. Luther is to be in charge and
we have to mind him or else. He dusts off his old black overcoat and
Sunday hat, and puts them on. About the only time he ever goes off the
mountain is to church now and then, or to sell his precious calves at the
livestock auctions. We have never known him to stay gone overnight.
Now here he is all gussied up and telling us he will be gone for a week, and he
won’t say where he’s going to. We are so puzzled, we just look at each
other.
“Well,
all right then,” Luther says to Dad. “I’ll take care of things here.”
That
almost makes me laugh out loud. Luther is sixteen now, and has a
sweetheart in Deep Bottom. Her name is Sally Watkins. I know very
well he will be down at her place more than he will be at home while Dad is
gone.
So
Charles, Jewel and I go to school while Roxie looks after Daniel and Clint, and
we don’t even miss Dad and Luther. In one week Dad comes home like he
said he would. And hanging onto his arm is a short red-headed fat
woman grinning to beat all.
“I
want y’all to meet Beatrice,” Dad says to us. “She’s my little woman,
your new mommie. You can call her Bea. We tied the knot
today.”
“I
been dyin to meet y’all,” Bea says. “Your daddy told me all about you.”
“What’s
for supper?” Dad says. “Something good I hope?”
Roxie
just nods her head and burps Clint on her shoulder, all the while staring at
Bea.
“Ain’t
my sweet Rox the prettiest thang you ever seen?” Dad says to his little woman
as he nudges Roxie forward.
“She’s
a doll,” Bea says and pinches Roxie’s cheek. Then she turns
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