before we go.’
‘I’ll wait for you in the car,’ I said.
Mr Fanning insisted on shaking my hand again and telling me what a great guy I was. The atmosphere inside the house was stifling and I had to get out. I wanted Alex’s car for all the right reasons, but I was deceiving these people. I thanked him one last time and walked over to the Capri.
The blast of afternoon wind cleared the nausea that had been building. I sucked in the cool air. It cleansed me of my guilt.
I got behind the wheel. The car was cold and uninviting. I gunned the engine and turned on the heater. It was a couple of minutes before the warmth spilled over me. I released a relieved breath.
Alison stepped from the house a few minutes later. She wiped at her eyes with a tissue as she climbed into the car. She kept her gaze dead ahead.
‘Which station?’
‘London Road.’
I pulled onto the street and accelerated away. Alison looked back over her shoulder at the Fanning’s house. When I turned onto the next street, she turned around and sighed.
I felt for Alison. She was trapped in an awkward situation. She was a final connection to the Fanning’s son, but the connection that made them family no longer existed. Alex was the glue that had tied them together. Without him, there was no bond.
‘Do you think you’ll stay in touch with the Fannings?’
‘For now, yes. We need each other. Who knows in the future? It depends on how we heal. You know better than all of us. Do you ever get over something like this?’
‘No. Not really. Alex will always be a part of you. You’ll always be reminded of something he said or did. You’ll wish he was around when something great or terrible happens. It won’t stop you from living your life, but you’ll never let him go.’
We said nothing after that. I drove, threading my way through the streets of Guildford over to the London Road railway station. As I stopped the car, a train slowed as it headed into the station.
‘That’s my train,’ she said.
‘OK,’ I said. ‘Have a safe journey home.’
The station announcer’s voice drifted across the air. ‘The three-twenty service for Waterloo is now approaching.’
I waited for Alison to move, but she remained seated.
‘You’re going to miss your train.’
She said nothing.
We watched the people climb aboard the train. It paused for a moment for that one final passenger and when that person didn’t arrive, its diesel engine growled and it pulled out of the station.
She waited until the last carriage passed the end of the platform before speaking. ‘Why are you going to all this trouble?’
She fixed me with an expression that wasn’t hostile, but was certainly demanding.
‘I guess I understand loss,’ I said, sticking to my cover story.
Her expression tightened, squeezing the softness from her face. ‘I get that, but it seems a little excessive.’
‘Alex was a friend.’
She nodded, but her tension failed to leave her. ‘Funny, I don’t remember Alex ever mentioning you. What were you, pen pals?’
There was no point in deceiving her anymore. ‘You’re right, Alex and I weren’t really friends. From what I knew of him, he was a nice guy and for that, I liked him. I talked to him just before the race. It might sound stupid, but we shared a guy moment. He told me about getting married to you and his plans. Two hours later he was dead. One moment Alex had a future, the next he didn’t. It affected me. I had to do something.’
I left out the part about Alex retiring from racing as a wedding gift to her. She was putting on a tough act to get me to talk, but her façade was eggshell thin. It would shatter in a second if she knew. I didn’t know anyone who could handle the news that a loved one was killed an hour from walking away from the thing that killed them. To tell her would be a cruel punishment.
What I said seemed to work. She sank into her seat and the softness returned to her face. She looked like herself
‘I’ll wait for you in the car,’ I said.
Mr Fanning insisted on shaking my hand again and telling me what a great guy I was. The atmosphere inside the house was stifling and I had to get out. I wanted Alex’s car for all the right reasons, but I was deceiving these people. I thanked him one last time and walked over to the Capri.
The blast of afternoon wind cleared the nausea that had been building. I sucked in the cool air. It cleansed me of my guilt.
I got behind the wheel. The car was cold and uninviting. I gunned the engine and turned on the heater. It was a couple of minutes before the warmth spilled over me. I released a relieved breath.
Alison stepped from the house a few minutes later. She wiped at her eyes with a tissue as she climbed into the car. She kept her gaze dead ahead.
‘Which station?’
‘London Road.’
I pulled onto the street and accelerated away. Alison looked back over her shoulder at the Fanning’s house. When I turned onto the next street, she turned around and sighed.
I felt for Alison. She was trapped in an awkward situation. She was a final connection to the Fanning’s son, but the connection that made them family no longer existed. Alex was the glue that had tied them together. Without him, there was no bond.
‘Do you think you’ll stay in touch with the Fannings?’
‘For now, yes. We need each other. Who knows in the future? It depends on how we heal. You know better than all of us. Do you ever get over something like this?’
‘No. Not really. Alex will always be a part of you. You’ll always be reminded of something he said or did. You’ll wish he was around when something great or terrible happens. It won’t stop you from living your life, but you’ll never let him go.’
We said nothing after that. I drove, threading my way through the streets of Guildford over to the London Road railway station. As I stopped the car, a train slowed as it headed into the station.
‘That’s my train,’ she said.
‘OK,’ I said. ‘Have a safe journey home.’
The station announcer’s voice drifted across the air. ‘The three-twenty service for Waterloo is now approaching.’
I waited for Alison to move, but she remained seated.
‘You’re going to miss your train.’
She said nothing.
We watched the people climb aboard the train. It paused for a moment for that one final passenger and when that person didn’t arrive, its diesel engine growled and it pulled out of the station.
She waited until the last carriage passed the end of the platform before speaking. ‘Why are you going to all this trouble?’
She fixed me with an expression that wasn’t hostile, but was certainly demanding.
‘I guess I understand loss,’ I said, sticking to my cover story.
Her expression tightened, squeezing the softness from her face. ‘I get that, but it seems a little excessive.’
‘Alex was a friend.’
She nodded, but her tension failed to leave her. ‘Funny, I don’t remember Alex ever mentioning you. What were you, pen pals?’
There was no point in deceiving her anymore. ‘You’re right, Alex and I weren’t really friends. From what I knew of him, he was a nice guy and for that, I liked him. I talked to him just before the race. It might sound stupid, but we shared a guy moment. He told me about getting married to you and his plans. Two hours later he was dead. One moment Alex had a future, the next he didn’t. It affected me. I had to do something.’
I left out the part about Alex retiring from racing as a wedding gift to her. She was putting on a tough act to get me to talk, but her façade was eggshell thin. It would shatter in a second if she knew. I didn’t know anyone who could handle the news that a loved one was killed an hour from walking away from the thing that killed them. To tell her would be a cruel punishment.
What I said seemed to work. She sank into her seat and the softness returned to her face. She looked like herself
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