you for that. ”
A few moments of silence lapsed between us. I hoped my words were sinking in. I hoped she knew I was telling the truth. I wouldn’t admit that I’d left because she had me so worked up I was ready to burst, but I would not let her believe it had been her fault. If I could control myself, none of it would have happened.
She shifted uneasily; I assumed it was in anticipation of her next words, “The blonde… Is she your girlfriend?”
“Aly? No. She’s not.” I shook my head and took a deep breath. I did not want to elaborate on the state of my love life to this dazzling girl that seemed so innocent and pure, but I knew that the magnetism I felt toward her was not entirely one-sided, and she needed to know the truth.
“So you’re like… friends with benefits?”
“No. She’s not my friend, either. It’s just sex. And she isn’t... there are others. Not just her.” I had never, before that moment, been embarrassed by my sex life. But in Charlotte’s presence, I felt completely mortified. I didn’t deserve to be so near to her, let alone to be the object of any desire from her. My actions tonight made me too dirty to be sitting on her soft bedding, to touch her satin skin.
“I don’t want to be an ass, or anything, but that’s the reality of it. You deserve to know that now, before you get any false ideas about an ‘us’ that should not exist.” I took a deep breath. “You are so brilliant, and sweet, and mind-blowingly gorgeous, and you deserve someone that can treat you like the treasure that you are. I want nothing more than to be close to you, to be your friend, if you’ll let me. But I don’t want you to think for a minute that I could be worthy of you. It’s just not true.”
There it was, all on the table for her. She was too smart to ignore the warning when I gave it to her myself. As badly as I already wanted her, I knew that this was for the best. She didn’t need me in her life that way.
“I’m sorry, about everything. But you needed to know. I’ll get out of your way and let you relax.” I stood, and her wide eyes followed me. “I had a great night, Charlotte. Thank you for the dance. You should get some sleep; it’s been a long day.” I couldn’t control myself; I reached down to her hand that lay atop the sheet at her. I placed a feather-light kiss on the back of it, a sign that I wanted to treat her with proper respect. To do that, I had to walk away. “Goodnight, Charlotte.”
Come dawn, all I really wanted was to go running. A morning run had become habitual for me over the last couple of years. It started while I was an undergraduate. I had taken to morning walks along Lake Michigan to clear my head when I was stressed. The walks became a daily occurrence, and on one particularly bad morning, I decided I needed more intense activity to really let loose. I found that the exertion gave me time to escape my troubles and just sweat to the music. Sitting in my room after my long and tumultuous night with Logan, all I wanted was to escape. I did not know Seattle well enough yet to go running alone. I was not sure where there was a descent park nearby, and if I just ran in the neighborhood, I wasn’t confident that I would be able to find my way back.
I settled on an hour of sunrise yoga instead. It never relaxed me quite as much as hitting the pavement for a few miles did, but it was better than sitting restlessly in bed. Since it was a nice morning, I decided to do it on the balcony. It surprised me how pliant my muscles were after a long night of drinking and dancing in heels, but the positions came easily enough.
An hour was all it took to make each breath come easier into my lungs. With my center back in place, I realized just how much anxiety and stress had built up. My head was still a little hazy, but alcohol will do that to you. I felt far more prepared to face Logan again, at least.
Or so I thought.
Perhaps it was the surprise of how soon
A few moments of silence lapsed between us. I hoped my words were sinking in. I hoped she knew I was telling the truth. I wouldn’t admit that I’d left because she had me so worked up I was ready to burst, but I would not let her believe it had been her fault. If I could control myself, none of it would have happened.
She shifted uneasily; I assumed it was in anticipation of her next words, “The blonde… Is she your girlfriend?”
“Aly? No. She’s not.” I shook my head and took a deep breath. I did not want to elaborate on the state of my love life to this dazzling girl that seemed so innocent and pure, but I knew that the magnetism I felt toward her was not entirely one-sided, and she needed to know the truth.
“So you’re like… friends with benefits?”
“No. She’s not my friend, either. It’s just sex. And she isn’t... there are others. Not just her.” I had never, before that moment, been embarrassed by my sex life. But in Charlotte’s presence, I felt completely mortified. I didn’t deserve to be so near to her, let alone to be the object of any desire from her. My actions tonight made me too dirty to be sitting on her soft bedding, to touch her satin skin.
“I don’t want to be an ass, or anything, but that’s the reality of it. You deserve to know that now, before you get any false ideas about an ‘us’ that should not exist.” I took a deep breath. “You are so brilliant, and sweet, and mind-blowingly gorgeous, and you deserve someone that can treat you like the treasure that you are. I want nothing more than to be close to you, to be your friend, if you’ll let me. But I don’t want you to think for a minute that I could be worthy of you. It’s just not true.”
There it was, all on the table for her. She was too smart to ignore the warning when I gave it to her myself. As badly as I already wanted her, I knew that this was for the best. She didn’t need me in her life that way.
“I’m sorry, about everything. But you needed to know. I’ll get out of your way and let you relax.” I stood, and her wide eyes followed me. “I had a great night, Charlotte. Thank you for the dance. You should get some sleep; it’s been a long day.” I couldn’t control myself; I reached down to her hand that lay atop the sheet at her. I placed a feather-light kiss on the back of it, a sign that I wanted to treat her with proper respect. To do that, I had to walk away. “Goodnight, Charlotte.”
Come dawn, all I really wanted was to go running. A morning run had become habitual for me over the last couple of years. It started while I was an undergraduate. I had taken to morning walks along Lake Michigan to clear my head when I was stressed. The walks became a daily occurrence, and on one particularly bad morning, I decided I needed more intense activity to really let loose. I found that the exertion gave me time to escape my troubles and just sweat to the music. Sitting in my room after my long and tumultuous night with Logan, all I wanted was to escape. I did not know Seattle well enough yet to go running alone. I was not sure where there was a descent park nearby, and if I just ran in the neighborhood, I wasn’t confident that I would be able to find my way back.
I settled on an hour of sunrise yoga instead. It never relaxed me quite as much as hitting the pavement for a few miles did, but it was better than sitting restlessly in bed. Since it was a nice morning, I decided to do it on the balcony. It surprised me how pliant my muscles were after a long night of drinking and dancing in heels, but the positions came easily enough.
An hour was all it took to make each breath come easier into my lungs. With my center back in place, I realized just how much anxiety and stress had built up. My head was still a little hazy, but alcohol will do that to you. I felt far more prepared to face Logan again, at least.
Or so I thought.
Perhaps it was the surprise of how soon
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