to pay.
On the way home, I easily identify the reason for my tears: the fact that I won’t be present at my sister’s wedding really makes me sad. It’s hard not to share important moments like this with your family.
To deflect the sadness I start philosophizing about marriage and divorce. For an Egyptian Muslim girl like my sister Layla, getting married will not be the end of her journey but, rather, the start. The tests never stop. You have to get ready for other challenges, of which the absolutely most important is: never get divorced! The divorced woman carries the burden of failure her whole life. She is condemned to death and executed countless times. Every look is an accusation, every judgment a death sentence. What? Death sentence? Yes, it really is. Social death is crueler than physical death. Where can a woman without a husband, and without her virginity, go? Nowhere. If she’s widowed the situation is different, because it’s not her fault. It’s a question of
maktùb
. In the case of divorce, on the other hand, you don’t disturb Signor
Maktùb
. There’s no use looking for a scapegoat. The divorced woman is the only offender. The perfect offender.
It’s hard to explain to people here that for us when a woman marries she changes guardians: she moves from her father’s jurisdiction to her husband’s. It’s like a shop that changes owners. At first there is plenty of hope and, especially, enthusiasm. But after a while you realize that the situation hasn’t changed; in fact, in certain ways it’s worse. “We were better off when we were worse off,” as Grandfather Giovanni says. (I’ll have occasion to talk about him later, he’s very entertaining.)
Anyway, the important thing is for the bride to emerge safe and sound from the market of unmarried women. It’s not a small thing. The market of divorced women, on the other hand, is utterly the worst, full of predators, profiteers, and every sort of gawker. It’s better to be an old maid than divorced. I have no doubts about that.
The wedding is only the first test, I was saying. I, for example, thank God, passed the test of virginity with no problems, after a very embarrassing night. We were both virgins, even though with us it seems that virginity is a feminine monopoly. Men who have never done it are simply “inexperienced.” My husband is a practicing believer, before me he had never gone to bed with a woman. This is quite an advantage. I’m sure he won’t betray me. Not because he loves me, but out of fear of God. Conjugal faithfulness is assured. You Italian women, don’t go saying “Lucky you.” It’s no bed of roses. Marrying a fervent Muslim has advantages and disadvantages. My friend, if you marry a man like that you have to expect some inconveniences; for example, polygamy. Oh yes. It’s part of the package, take it or leave it. Let’s see how you manage to compete not with one but with three women! You want a scene from a soap opera that introduces the subject of polygamy?
“I’ve decided to take another wife, dear.”
“Why?”
“Because I have the right to have four wives. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten.”
“What have I done to deserve such a punishment?”
“
C’est la vie, ma chère
. I’m a man and I can do as I like.”
“It’s not right.”
“That’s what you say, my dear! Hahaha. I follow the teachings of the Koran.”
“The Koran isn’t very clear about polygamy.”
“That’s what you say, my dear! Hahaha. I’m only following the example of the Prophet.”
Polygamy in Islam: what confusion. And so? So what. I should explain. I would agree that the Koran is the word of God, but it always requires an interpretation. Here is the root of the problem: a woman’s interpretation of the Koran still doesn’t exist. Not one. It’s a male monopoly. Women are excluded from so many things. For example, there’s no verse, or
hadith
, that prohibits a woman from being an imam. In spite of that,
On the way home, I easily identify the reason for my tears: the fact that I won’t be present at my sister’s wedding really makes me sad. It’s hard not to share important moments like this with your family.
To deflect the sadness I start philosophizing about marriage and divorce. For an Egyptian Muslim girl like my sister Layla, getting married will not be the end of her journey but, rather, the start. The tests never stop. You have to get ready for other challenges, of which the absolutely most important is: never get divorced! The divorced woman carries the burden of failure her whole life. She is condemned to death and executed countless times. Every look is an accusation, every judgment a death sentence. What? Death sentence? Yes, it really is. Social death is crueler than physical death. Where can a woman without a husband, and without her virginity, go? Nowhere. If she’s widowed the situation is different, because it’s not her fault. It’s a question of
maktùb
. In the case of divorce, on the other hand, you don’t disturb Signor
Maktùb
. There’s no use looking for a scapegoat. The divorced woman is the only offender. The perfect offender.
It’s hard to explain to people here that for us when a woman marries she changes guardians: she moves from her father’s jurisdiction to her husband’s. It’s like a shop that changes owners. At first there is plenty of hope and, especially, enthusiasm. But after a while you realize that the situation hasn’t changed; in fact, in certain ways it’s worse. “We were better off when we were worse off,” as Grandfather Giovanni says. (I’ll have occasion to talk about him later, he’s very entertaining.)
Anyway, the important thing is for the bride to emerge safe and sound from the market of unmarried women. It’s not a small thing. The market of divorced women, on the other hand, is utterly the worst, full of predators, profiteers, and every sort of gawker. It’s better to be an old maid than divorced. I have no doubts about that.
The wedding is only the first test, I was saying. I, for example, thank God, passed the test of virginity with no problems, after a very embarrassing night. We were both virgins, even though with us it seems that virginity is a feminine monopoly. Men who have never done it are simply “inexperienced.” My husband is a practicing believer, before me he had never gone to bed with a woman. This is quite an advantage. I’m sure he won’t betray me. Not because he loves me, but out of fear of God. Conjugal faithfulness is assured. You Italian women, don’t go saying “Lucky you.” It’s no bed of roses. Marrying a fervent Muslim has advantages and disadvantages. My friend, if you marry a man like that you have to expect some inconveniences; for example, polygamy. Oh yes. It’s part of the package, take it or leave it. Let’s see how you manage to compete not with one but with three women! You want a scene from a soap opera that introduces the subject of polygamy?
“I’ve decided to take another wife, dear.”
“Why?”
“Because I have the right to have four wives. Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten.”
“What have I done to deserve such a punishment?”
“
C’est la vie, ma chère
. I’m a man and I can do as I like.”
“It’s not right.”
“That’s what you say, my dear! Hahaha. I follow the teachings of the Koran.”
“The Koran isn’t very clear about polygamy.”
“That’s what you say, my dear! Hahaha. I’m only following the example of the Prophet.”
Polygamy in Islam: what confusion. And so? So what. I should explain. I would agree that the Koran is the word of God, but it always requires an interpretation. Here is the root of the problem: a woman’s interpretation of the Koran still doesn’t exist. Not one. It’s a male monopoly. Women are excluded from so many things. For example, there’s no verse, or
hadith
, that prohibits a woman from being an imam. In spite of that,
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