and tell Dad I’m going to check out the Internet room the guesthouse owner told us he had downstairs and that I’ll meet him near the front door before we head across the street.
I hesitate at the top of the stairs, then take a few steps back down the hallway, pastthe room I share with Dad, to knock on Georg’s door. He doesn’t answer. I listen for a second, hear water running, and decide to head downstairs without him.
Knowing him, he’ll probably take a nap after he’s done showering, anyway. If I get lucky, maybe The Fraulein will take a nap, too. And oversleep.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: You, Idiot
Hallo, Val Pal,
Notice the subject line? I couldn’t decide whether to make it “You, Idiot” or “You Idiot.”
Note the difference in meaning without the comma.
Note that I opted for the more polite meaning, which is rare for me. But I still want you to take this seriously.
Yes, I think you’re being an idiot. Christie and I went to the movies last night (new Orlando Bloom flick) and Christie mentioned that you haven’t told Prince Georg about David yet. Are you beyond STUPID? Didsomething happen to your brain’s oxygen levels from all that time in airplanes?
What’s he going to think when he finds out??
And you know he’s going to find out.
Take my advice: Come dean, Make it dear that you are NOT interested in David, but that you felt it would be dishonest not to say something. And don’t get all “I’m so sorry” about it, either. Be sorry that you hurt Georg’s feelings (if it turns out that his feelings really are hurt), but don’t tell him you’re sorry for going out with David, like you committed a crime or something, because you didn’t. Act like the thing with David wasn’t a big thing at all, and simply say you wouldn’t have done it if you didn’t think you guys were cooling it or whatever it was you were doing. Does that make sense?
Remember: I still know where you live. And my combat boots still work just fine for kicking your ass if you need a good kicking in order to fess up.
I say all this in love, you know. And because you are one of my dearest friendsand I don’t want you to get yourself in trouble. Again.
Don’t screw this up.
Jules
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: RE: You, Idiot
Jules,
1—I asked Christie to steal your boots when I was home for vacation, so forget about kicking my butt. Besides, violence is never the answer to the world’s ills.
2—I’m thinking of the right way to tell Georg. I realize you have my best interests at heart (most of the time), but I’ve only been home a week, okay?
3—Why was Christie out with you on a Friday night? She said Jeremy’s been busy training for a marathon (so don’t call me the idiot . . . I think Jeremy’s the idiot), but they always go out on Friday nights. What gives?
4—My dad has informed me that he has a girlfriend. Or a “something.” He says it’s casual but I’m so not buying it. And get this: Her last name is Putzkammer. Go ahead. Start the wisecracks now. Isimply think of her as The Fraulein. I’m afraid if I even think the name “Putzkammer” while I’m talking to her I’ll start laughing out loud.
5—I’m in Austria skiing this weekend—with Georg, Dad, and her—but will be home tomorrow night.
Trying not to flip out over any of items 1-5, as listed above,
Val Pal
To: [email protected]
Cc: [email protected] ;
[email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Who the hell is JOHN?
Hey Val,
I’m still grounded for getting my tongue pierced—I swear, it sucks sometimes having a dad who’s a dentist and is obsessed with oral health—but I did get my computer privileges back today (whoo-hoo!) so write to me, okay?
Anyway—I had the most bizarre thing happen this afternoon, which is why I’m cc’ing Jules and Christie on this one.
So I’m at the grocery store with Mom,
I hesitate at the top of the stairs, then take a few steps back down the hallway, pastthe room I share with Dad, to knock on Georg’s door. He doesn’t answer. I listen for a second, hear water running, and decide to head downstairs without him.
Knowing him, he’ll probably take a nap after he’s done showering, anyway. If I get lucky, maybe The Fraulein will take a nap, too. And oversleep.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: You, Idiot
Hallo, Val Pal,
Notice the subject line? I couldn’t decide whether to make it “You, Idiot” or “You Idiot.”
Note the difference in meaning without the comma.
Note that I opted for the more polite meaning, which is rare for me. But I still want you to take this seriously.
Yes, I think you’re being an idiot. Christie and I went to the movies last night (new Orlando Bloom flick) and Christie mentioned that you haven’t told Prince Georg about David yet. Are you beyond STUPID? Didsomething happen to your brain’s oxygen levels from all that time in airplanes?
What’s he going to think when he finds out??
And you know he’s going to find out.
Take my advice: Come dean, Make it dear that you are NOT interested in David, but that you felt it would be dishonest not to say something. And don’t get all “I’m so sorry” about it, either. Be sorry that you hurt Georg’s feelings (if it turns out that his feelings really are hurt), but don’t tell him you’re sorry for going out with David, like you committed a crime or something, because you didn’t. Act like the thing with David wasn’t a big thing at all, and simply say you wouldn’t have done it if you didn’t think you guys were cooling it or whatever it was you were doing. Does that make sense?
Remember: I still know where you live. And my combat boots still work just fine for kicking your ass if you need a good kicking in order to fess up.
I say all this in love, you know. And because you are one of my dearest friendsand I don’t want you to get yourself in trouble. Again.
Don’t screw this up.
Jules
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: RE: You, Idiot
Jules,
1—I asked Christie to steal your boots when I was home for vacation, so forget about kicking my butt. Besides, violence is never the answer to the world’s ills.
2—I’m thinking of the right way to tell Georg. I realize you have my best interests at heart (most of the time), but I’ve only been home a week, okay?
3—Why was Christie out with you on a Friday night? She said Jeremy’s been busy training for a marathon (so don’t call me the idiot . . . I think Jeremy’s the idiot), but they always go out on Friday nights. What gives?
4—My dad has informed me that he has a girlfriend. Or a “something.” He says it’s casual but I’m so not buying it. And get this: Her last name is Putzkammer. Go ahead. Start the wisecracks now. Isimply think of her as The Fraulein. I’m afraid if I even think the name “Putzkammer” while I’m talking to her I’ll start laughing out loud.
5—I’m in Austria skiing this weekend—with Georg, Dad, and her—but will be home tomorrow night.
Trying not to flip out over any of items 1-5, as listed above,
Val Pal
To: [email protected]
Cc: [email protected] ;
[email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Who the hell is JOHN?
Hey Val,
I’m still grounded for getting my tongue pierced—I swear, it sucks sometimes having a dad who’s a dentist and is obsessed with oral health—but I did get my computer privileges back today (whoo-hoo!) so write to me, okay?
Anyway—I had the most bizarre thing happen this afternoon, which is why I’m cc’ing Jules and Christie on this one.
So I’m at the grocery store with Mom,
Similar Books
