no longer knew each other. The other part of the problem was that I was missing Nina and taking it out on Shelly every chance I got.
I couldn’t stop thinking about the coffee date Nina and I had after running into each other in the rain. During which she had admitted that she still loved me.
“But sometimes love isn’t enough,” she’d said. I’d listened to all her reasons why she could never take me back and why it would never work between us. Amani has been through too much already. Nina’s family would never forgive her for breaking up Shelly’s marriage. Finally she broke down and told me the most serious of all her reasons. “Cory,” she had said, staring into my eyes, “you hurt me like I have never been hurt. You have destroyed my faith in love. Loving you like I did was supposed to be enough and yet it somehow wasn’t. The one thing I’ll always remember about you is the pain that I felt when you walked away with her. When you married her.”
When she said those words I finally realized how bad I had hurt her. I tried to assure her that I was sorry for the hurt that she’d suffered at my hands. I told her that I would do anything to erase her pain. “There’s no way you can do that, Cory.”
“I can try.”
“Try what? Try to rewrite the past, undo the deeds.” She laughed. When she got up to leave I knew that there was no making it up. I felt so hopeless and desperate that I was afraid to even try to change her mind. I simply walked out with her and watched as she hailed a cab. In parting, she said something that stayed on my mind from that day until this moment. “Cory, have you figured out your biggest mistake?” She continued without giving me a chance to respond. Instead she took the blank look on my face as an indication that I had not. “You chose the sister who loved the idea of Cory Dandridge after being with the sister who loved the man.”
I rolled over to look at the clock and saw that it was already ten minutes to six. Shelly would be getting up for work soon. Before she left she would make breakfast for Amani and lay her uniform out. When I got up I would only have to see her to the door. Like clockwork, Mrs. Lamar would knock at seven thirty and pick Amani up and walk the three blocks to school with her. She would be there to pick her up at three thirty as well, along with all the other day-care providers. Needing to feel close to Amani, I felt compelled to walk her to school. We headed out the door together and up the block, hand in hand.
“Cory, why are you taking me to school today?” she asked.
“I thought I asked you to call me Daddy or Papi.”
“Oh yeah. You know I keep forgetting stuff all the time,” she answered.
“Okay, but try.”
“So why?” she asked again.
“I just wanted to. I want to spend more time with you.”
“Why?”
I should have known what I was getting myself into. “Well, because you are my daughter and it’s important that you and I always have a bond. No matter what.”
I was thinking about my father saying the exact same words to me as a child. He had passed many years back and although I missed him, I liked to think that he had shown me that a father’s job was to nurture as well as protect.
“Okay,” she said.
“You understand that?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she said.
“Good.”
We crossed the street and headed into the courtyard in front of her school. The East Manhattan Primary Academy cost fourteen thousand dollars a year to send a six-year-old. There was a diverse mix of students who attended and the students had some of the highest scores in the nation on standardized tests. Amani had been introduced to French, Italian, and Japanese and could subtract and tell time with the best of them. Reading was an afterthought; she was already a grade ahead when we moved to New York, but the accelerated program at the school was pushing her even farther along.
I kissed Amani on the forehead and watched her take off
I couldn’t stop thinking about the coffee date Nina and I had after running into each other in the rain. During which she had admitted that she still loved me.
“But sometimes love isn’t enough,” she’d said. I’d listened to all her reasons why she could never take me back and why it would never work between us. Amani has been through too much already. Nina’s family would never forgive her for breaking up Shelly’s marriage. Finally she broke down and told me the most serious of all her reasons. “Cory,” she had said, staring into my eyes, “you hurt me like I have never been hurt. You have destroyed my faith in love. Loving you like I did was supposed to be enough and yet it somehow wasn’t. The one thing I’ll always remember about you is the pain that I felt when you walked away with her. When you married her.”
When she said those words I finally realized how bad I had hurt her. I tried to assure her that I was sorry for the hurt that she’d suffered at my hands. I told her that I would do anything to erase her pain. “There’s no way you can do that, Cory.”
“I can try.”
“Try what? Try to rewrite the past, undo the deeds.” She laughed. When she got up to leave I knew that there was no making it up. I felt so hopeless and desperate that I was afraid to even try to change her mind. I simply walked out with her and watched as she hailed a cab. In parting, she said something that stayed on my mind from that day until this moment. “Cory, have you figured out your biggest mistake?” She continued without giving me a chance to respond. Instead she took the blank look on my face as an indication that I had not. “You chose the sister who loved the idea of Cory Dandridge after being with the sister who loved the man.”
I rolled over to look at the clock and saw that it was already ten minutes to six. Shelly would be getting up for work soon. Before she left she would make breakfast for Amani and lay her uniform out. When I got up I would only have to see her to the door. Like clockwork, Mrs. Lamar would knock at seven thirty and pick Amani up and walk the three blocks to school with her. She would be there to pick her up at three thirty as well, along with all the other day-care providers. Needing to feel close to Amani, I felt compelled to walk her to school. We headed out the door together and up the block, hand in hand.
“Cory, why are you taking me to school today?” she asked.
“I thought I asked you to call me Daddy or Papi.”
“Oh yeah. You know I keep forgetting stuff all the time,” she answered.
“Okay, but try.”
“So why?” she asked again.
“I just wanted to. I want to spend more time with you.”
“Why?”
I should have known what I was getting myself into. “Well, because you are my daughter and it’s important that you and I always have a bond. No matter what.”
I was thinking about my father saying the exact same words to me as a child. He had passed many years back and although I missed him, I liked to think that he had shown me that a father’s job was to nurture as well as protect.
“Okay,” she said.
“You understand that?” I asked.
“Yeah,” she said.
“Good.”
We crossed the street and headed into the courtyard in front of her school. The East Manhattan Primary Academy cost fourteen thousand dollars a year to send a six-year-old. There was a diverse mix of students who attended and the students had some of the highest scores in the nation on standardized tests. Amani had been introduced to French, Italian, and Japanese and could subtract and tell time with the best of them. Reading was an afterthought; she was already a grade ahead when we moved to New York, but the accelerated program at the school was pushing her even farther along.
I kissed Amani on the forehead and watched her take off
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