Don't Go by Lisa Scottoline Page B

was protecting him.
    “Tell me, Sara. I can handle it. She lived it, so the least I can do is hear about it.”
    “But it’ll just make you feel bad.”
    “It doesn’t matter how bad I feel, I want to understand. Tell me the truth.”
    “You know it’s not your fault at all, you had to go, but I think it was hard on her, and it kind of caught her by surprise.” Sara’s face fell, her characteristic smile gone. “In the beginning, people dropped over from school, seeing the baby, saying hi, helping out, but then winter came on, and everybody got busy, and she was on her own. She worried about you all the time, watched TV news and checked online for the latest coverage of the war.”
    “She never told me she worried.” Mike thought back to Chloe’s emails, which he practically had memorized. “Her emails are all upbeat and happy, about the baby.”
    “She didn’t want to worry you.” Sara cocked her head. “I bet you did the same. You didn’t tell her when you were down or in danger, did you?”
    “No, of course not.” Mike remembered editing his emails and Skype calls, because he couldn’t tell Chloe the truth. “I didn’t want to worry her, either.”
    “That’s loving, really. She was trying to be brave, and I know she felt surprised at how hard it was, with a new baby. It’s like labor. If we knew how hard it was in advance, nobody would do it.” Sara smiled, sadly. “And just so you know, I was there a lot, checking on her and Emily. I only wish I’d been there that day, you know, the day she…”
    “It’s okay, really.” Mike didn’t make her finish the sentence, and Sara swallowed hard, shaking her head slowly, with the bewilderment of grief.
    “I know she felt alone, every new mother does, but she was so happy being an at-home mom.” Sara sniffled. “She told me, all the time. I saw it, and she was a born mother. Why do you ask?”
    Mike couldn’t tell her, so he said the next thing that came to his mind. “I wonder if I can be as good a father.”
    “Of course you can.”
    “Can a father be as good as a mother?”
    “Yes, Don is. He’s great with the boys.” Sara smiled, warmly. “It depends on the father. I hate to say it, but my father would not have been a good mother, but times were different back then. It was the generation when the father was happy to be the second-string, like an understudy.”
    Mike had felt that way, with Chloe. She had been so good with Emily that he was happy being her second banana, like the general practitioner to her specialist.
    “I know that your dad left when you were little, right?”
    “Yes, I was ten.” Mike hated to go there. “I barely remember him.”
    “But your mom was great.”
    “Absolutely, the best.” Mike still missed her, though she’d been gone fifteen years. She died of breast cancer, and her bravery inspired him every day, even in Afghanistan. She would have been so proud to see him graduate from podiatry school and go on to serve.
    “And you loved her, and you turned out great, so there’s proof. It’s not about gender, it’s all about love.” Sara touched his arm. “You can be a great father and you will be.”
    Mike wished he were that sure. “If Emily were a boy, I’d have a better shot.”
    “That doesn’t matter, either. Your mother was a woman who raised a great man. You’ll be a man who raises a great woman. You’ll see, it’ll come naturally, it did for Chloe. She was also the most nurturing person on the planet. Didn’t you think so? Didn’t she take great care of things? The kids at school? Her art, all of us?” Tears filmed Sara’s large, round eyes, again. “She made us all feel so loved, didn’t she?”
    Mike swallowed, remembering. He felt bathed in Chloe. She had brought him love, light, and colors. And now, pain. “Sara, let me ask your opinion about something. Danielle offered to take care of Emily, until I come back.”
    “I know. She already asked me what I thought about the