I’d allowed myself to get so sidetracked. I hated that all we planned for was ripped away because I was too stupid to recognize the signs.”
She couldn’t believe she was even having this conversation. But she was. And whether she believed in it or not, it had happened.
This was no dream at all. She’d just spent an amazingly glorious day and night with her dead husband.
51
Jaci Burton
Chapter Eight
They stayed curled together for the longest time, neither of them saying a word. Kate held tight, afraid to move or say anything that would cause him to vanish from her life again. Somehow she knew what was coming and wasn’t ready to face it yet. Not yet, not when she’d just gotten him back.
“I can’t stay, Katie.”
She sat up and looked at him, nodding. She’d known that from the first. How, she had no idea. She’d just known that whatever this was, whatever had happened, was only temporary. If she thought she had to be strong five years ago, she was wrong. Now she needed that inner strength more than ever, because she knew that no matter what she wanted, she’d have to let him go. She’d been given a gift, and she was damn lucky to have gotten this much. “I know.”
He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing every knuckle and every finger. “I wish I could. God, I wish I could. You have to believe me. Funny how we never seem to appreciate what we love the most until we don’t have it anymore. Why is that?”
Which was why she’d held onto the feelings of betrayal and anger for so long. They’d protected her from hurt, from her own guilt at not insisting that he slow down, see a doctor more often, anything that could have prevented his death. She laid her palm against his cheek, loving the feel of stubble against her hand. “I should have taken better care of you.”
One corner of his lips curled into a half smile. “Like I would have let you. I was stubborn, arrogant, full of bravado and the feeling of immortality. I ignored every single warning sign until it was too late. I never told you how I felt. If I had…oh, hell, Kate. I don’t know anymore.”
52
Dream On
She brushed his hair away from his forehead, realizing how much both the boys had grown to resemble their father. “We both screwed up, Jack. We didn’t take enough time to love each other. Instead, we spent our lives letting anything and everything come between us.”
And then one day, he was gone. The tears flowed freely now, but she didn’t care. Jack swiped at a tear across her cheek. “I’ve been watching you ever since I left. This…I don’t know what you want to call it…heaven, maybe? It’s hard to explain, but I’ve been able to see you. My heart hurt watching you, baby. You had so much to live for, so much left to do with your life, and you’ve done nothing but wander through the city house and out here, angry at me because I left and angry at yourself because you couldn’t stop it. What happened to me wasn’t your fault at all. It was mine and mine alone. You need to start living again, Kate. You need to find…”
“Don’t say it!” She pushed away from him. “Don’t you dare tell me to find someone else! There is no one else but you. There never has been and there never will be! When you…died, my heart died too. When I married you and promised to love you forever, I goddamn well meant forever . ‘Til death do us part doesn’t mean shit to me, Jack. You are my heart, my soul, not just in this life, but in the next! So if you dare to suggest I fall in love with someone else then you don’t know me at all, Jack McKay!”
He sat up and pulled her against him, stroking her hair as she finally let out all that she’d held in since the day he died. Anger fled, replaced by an abject sorrow at all they’d been denied. She sobbed, exorcising the pain that she’d forced deep inside herself for years. And through it all, Jack held her, whispering words of comfort, telling her how
She couldn’t believe she was even having this conversation. But she was. And whether she believed in it or not, it had happened.
This was no dream at all. She’d just spent an amazingly glorious day and night with her dead husband.
51
Jaci Burton
Chapter Eight
They stayed curled together for the longest time, neither of them saying a word. Kate held tight, afraid to move or say anything that would cause him to vanish from her life again. Somehow she knew what was coming and wasn’t ready to face it yet. Not yet, not when she’d just gotten him back.
“I can’t stay, Katie.”
She sat up and looked at him, nodding. She’d known that from the first. How, she had no idea. She’d just known that whatever this was, whatever had happened, was only temporary. If she thought she had to be strong five years ago, she was wrong. Now she needed that inner strength more than ever, because she knew that no matter what she wanted, she’d have to let him go. She’d been given a gift, and she was damn lucky to have gotten this much. “I know.”
He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing every knuckle and every finger. “I wish I could. God, I wish I could. You have to believe me. Funny how we never seem to appreciate what we love the most until we don’t have it anymore. Why is that?”
Which was why she’d held onto the feelings of betrayal and anger for so long. They’d protected her from hurt, from her own guilt at not insisting that he slow down, see a doctor more often, anything that could have prevented his death. She laid her palm against his cheek, loving the feel of stubble against her hand. “I should have taken better care of you.”
One corner of his lips curled into a half smile. “Like I would have let you. I was stubborn, arrogant, full of bravado and the feeling of immortality. I ignored every single warning sign until it was too late. I never told you how I felt. If I had…oh, hell, Kate. I don’t know anymore.”
52
Dream On
She brushed his hair away from his forehead, realizing how much both the boys had grown to resemble their father. “We both screwed up, Jack. We didn’t take enough time to love each other. Instead, we spent our lives letting anything and everything come between us.”
And then one day, he was gone. The tears flowed freely now, but she didn’t care. Jack swiped at a tear across her cheek. “I’ve been watching you ever since I left. This…I don’t know what you want to call it…heaven, maybe? It’s hard to explain, but I’ve been able to see you. My heart hurt watching you, baby. You had so much to live for, so much left to do with your life, and you’ve done nothing but wander through the city house and out here, angry at me because I left and angry at yourself because you couldn’t stop it. What happened to me wasn’t your fault at all. It was mine and mine alone. You need to start living again, Kate. You need to find…”
“Don’t say it!” She pushed away from him. “Don’t you dare tell me to find someone else! There is no one else but you. There never has been and there never will be! When you…died, my heart died too. When I married you and promised to love you forever, I goddamn well meant forever . ‘Til death do us part doesn’t mean shit to me, Jack. You are my heart, my soul, not just in this life, but in the next! So if you dare to suggest I fall in love with someone else then you don’t know me at all, Jack McKay!”
He sat up and pulled her against him, stroking her hair as she finally let out all that she’d held in since the day he died. Anger fled, replaced by an abject sorrow at all they’d been denied. She sobbed, exorcising the pain that she’d forced deep inside herself for years. And through it all, Jack held her, whispering words of comfort, telling her how
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