brother?’
‘Exactly. He says it is not right that there should be such a close relationship and that you should not have met.’
‘Oh.’ I turned to look at Damaris.
Her face had puckered a little. I knew she was apprehensive because this man had come looking for me.
‘We feel that such a state of affairs should be rectified without delay,’ he went on. ‘You must want to meet your family.’
I tried not to look at Damaris. ‘Oh yes… of course.’
‘I was hoping that I could take you back with me.’
‘You mean for a visit?’
‘I mean just that.’
Damaris said quickly: ‘We should need time to get Clarissa ready for such a visit. And the North… it is a long way.’
‘The whole length of the country, one might say—your being in the extreme south and we in the north… right on the border.’
‘Is it rather lawless country up there?’
He laughed. ‘No more than the rest, I trow. You can be assured that the Fields know how to take care of their own.’
‘I am sure they do. But for a child…’
I felt a faint irritation. When were they going to stop referring to me as the child? It was at moments like this that I felt more intensely than ever the suffocation of this love they wrapped me in. It was like a great blanket—warm, soft and smothering.
‘Aunt Damaris,’ I said firmly, ‘I should see my father’s family.’
I wished I hadn’t spoken, for she looked so hurt. I went to her and took her hand.
‘It would only be for a little while,’ I reminded her.
Arabella said briskly: ‘I think this needs time and thought. Perhaps in a year or so…’
‘We are all impatience to meet our kinswoman. Her father was head of the family. It was a great shock to us when he died so suddenly… in his prime.’
‘It was such a long time ago,’ said Damaris.
‘That does not make it any less tragic for us, Madam. We want to know his daughter. Lord Hessenfield is very anxious that she should visit us for a time.’
Damaris and Arabella exchanged glances. ‘We will think about it,’ said Arabella. ‘Now you will be tired after your journey. I will have a room prepared for you. You will not want to start the journey back today, I am sure.’
‘My dear lady, you are so good. I shall take advantage of your hospitality. Perhaps I can persuade Clarissa to come back with me; I am sure if she knew how much we are longing to see her she would agree right away.’
‘She is a little young to make such decisions,’ said Arabella.
And again that insistence on my youth irritated me, and I think in that moment I determined to go to see my father’s family.
Poor Damaris! She was most distressed. I was sure she thought that if I went to the north I should never come back.
There were family conferences. Great-Grandfather Carleton was all against my going. ‘Damned Jacobites,’ he growled, growing red in the face. ‘There’s peace now, but they haven’t given up. They’re still drinking to the King over the Water. No, she shall not go.’
But Great-Grandfather Carleton was not the power he had once been, and Arabella finally decided that there was no harm in my going. It would only be a visit.
Priscilla was dubious and said I was too young to make such a journey.
‘She would not be on her own,’ persisted Arabella. ‘She would have a considerable bodyguard. Jeanne could go with her as her maid. It will keep her French up to standard. I always thought she shouldn’t lose that.’
‘And what of Damaris?’ demanded Priscilla. ‘She will be so wretched without her.’
‘My dear Priscilla,’ said Arabella, ‘she will miss the child, of course. We shall all miss her. We shall be delighted when she comes back. But Damaris cannot expect to keep her with her for ever… just for her own comfort. She’ll have to remember that Clarissa has her own life to lead.’
Priscilla retorted hotly: ‘You are not suggesting that Damaris is selfish, are you, Mother? Damaris is the
‘Exactly. He says it is not right that there should be such a close relationship and that you should not have met.’
‘Oh.’ I turned to look at Damaris.
Her face had puckered a little. I knew she was apprehensive because this man had come looking for me.
‘We feel that such a state of affairs should be rectified without delay,’ he went on. ‘You must want to meet your family.’
I tried not to look at Damaris. ‘Oh yes… of course.’
‘I was hoping that I could take you back with me.’
‘You mean for a visit?’
‘I mean just that.’
Damaris said quickly: ‘We should need time to get Clarissa ready for such a visit. And the North… it is a long way.’
‘The whole length of the country, one might say—your being in the extreme south and we in the north… right on the border.’
‘Is it rather lawless country up there?’
He laughed. ‘No more than the rest, I trow. You can be assured that the Fields know how to take care of their own.’
‘I am sure they do. But for a child…’
I felt a faint irritation. When were they going to stop referring to me as the child? It was at moments like this that I felt more intensely than ever the suffocation of this love they wrapped me in. It was like a great blanket—warm, soft and smothering.
‘Aunt Damaris,’ I said firmly, ‘I should see my father’s family.’
I wished I hadn’t spoken, for she looked so hurt. I went to her and took her hand.
‘It would only be for a little while,’ I reminded her.
Arabella said briskly: ‘I think this needs time and thought. Perhaps in a year or so…’
‘We are all impatience to meet our kinswoman. Her father was head of the family. It was a great shock to us when he died so suddenly… in his prime.’
‘It was such a long time ago,’ said Damaris.
‘That does not make it any less tragic for us, Madam. We want to know his daughter. Lord Hessenfield is very anxious that she should visit us for a time.’
Damaris and Arabella exchanged glances. ‘We will think about it,’ said Arabella. ‘Now you will be tired after your journey. I will have a room prepared for you. You will not want to start the journey back today, I am sure.’
‘My dear lady, you are so good. I shall take advantage of your hospitality. Perhaps I can persuade Clarissa to come back with me; I am sure if she knew how much we are longing to see her she would agree right away.’
‘She is a little young to make such decisions,’ said Arabella.
And again that insistence on my youth irritated me, and I think in that moment I determined to go to see my father’s family.
Poor Damaris! She was most distressed. I was sure she thought that if I went to the north I should never come back.
There were family conferences. Great-Grandfather Carleton was all against my going. ‘Damned Jacobites,’ he growled, growing red in the face. ‘There’s peace now, but they haven’t given up. They’re still drinking to the King over the Water. No, she shall not go.’
But Great-Grandfather Carleton was not the power he had once been, and Arabella finally decided that there was no harm in my going. It would only be a visit.
Priscilla was dubious and said I was too young to make such a journey.
‘She would not be on her own,’ persisted Arabella. ‘She would have a considerable bodyguard. Jeanne could go with her as her maid. It will keep her French up to standard. I always thought she shouldn’t lose that.’
‘And what of Damaris?’ demanded Priscilla. ‘She will be so wretched without her.’
‘My dear Priscilla,’ said Arabella, ‘she will miss the child, of course. We shall all miss her. We shall be delighted when she comes back. But Damaris cannot expect to keep her with her for ever… just for her own comfort. She’ll have to remember that Clarissa has her own life to lead.’
Priscilla retorted hotly: ‘You are not suggesting that Damaris is selfish, are you, Mother? Damaris is the
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