DYING TO SURVIVE (Dark Erotica) by Scott Hildreth, SD Hildreth Page A

she realized that not one material thing she owned was as valuable as life. It seemed ridiculous of her to even try to reason with coming to terms with death. Nothing was more valuable than life, and there was not one thing anyone could say to her would convince her otherwise.
    “So, you’re divorced?” Meghan asked quietly.
    Shellie nodded her head slowly and softly.
    “What do you make driving a bus? Thirty grand?” Meghan asked.
    “Thirty four,” Shellie smiled as she turned to look at Meghan.
    Meghan paused and nodded her head slowly. As she looked up at Elena, Elena smiled and slowly walked toward Dana, who continued to sob into her hands.
    Elena sat on the bench beside Dana and put her arm over Dana’s shoulder. As she did, Dana looked up. Her eyes swollen, and her face covered in tears, she attempted to speak.
    “I have…” Dana pulled the bottom of her shirt to her face and wiped her tears.
    “I uhhm. I have. Oh God. This is so hard.”
    “I have breast cancer,” as the words escaped Dana’s mouth she became less controlled in her breathing and the sobbing slowed to an uncontrolled gasping for breath.
    Dana wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and coughed as she tried to speak again. Elena slowly offered her bottle of water to Dana. Dana looked up, accepted the bottle, and took a drink.
    “I found out two months ago,” Dana continued, “It doesn’t look good. My mother and my aunt have both…”
    Elena took the bottle of water from Dana’s hand and patted Dana’s shoulder, comforting her. “I’m so sorry,” Elena offered in a soft voice.
    “I’ve been thinking about dying for two months, and I don’t want to die,” Dana sobbed onto Elena’s shoulder.
    “None of us do,” Elena breathed into the back of Dana’s head.
    “It really doesn’t look like we have a choice, it’s just a matter of time,” Elena continued.
    Dana raised her head from Elena’s shoulders and nodded slowly. “I know, this is all so crazy. I’ve been two months fighting this and now it looks like it really doesn’t matter. I suppose it’s all God’s will.”
    “God has nothing to do with this,” Elena shook her head as she spoke.
    “Why would you say such a thing?” Dana asked as she wiped her eyes on her forearm.
    “It’s true. Look around you. God isn’t here, Dana. If God were here, we’d be on a beach somewhere, or shopping. Or I’d be at my daughter’s graduation. This is El Diablo. ” Elena said as she looked around the room.
    “God is always present,” Dana offered as she fought to catch her breath.
    “No. No. No he isn’t. Not my God. He isn’t watching this shit and letting it happen. Sorry, chica .” Elena said as she released Dana’s head from her shoulder and stood from the bench.
    “ Your God? Are you a Christian?” Dana stood from the bench as she spoke.
    “Yes, I’m a Christian,” Elena said over her shoulder as she walked toward the entrance door.
    Elena walked toward the door, thinking of her attendance at church as a child. Her family was raised Catholic, and as a child she attended church regularly. Her parents required that she attend church. It was part of her family’s schedule of weekly requirements. Her family grew up close in Texas, close to poverty, and she had become pregnant at seventeen. The religious belief of her family and the church prohibited marrying outside of the religion, premarital sex, or the possibility of abortion.
    Feeling trapped and alone, she left her family, moved to the mid-west, and abandoned her religious beliefs. For the last seventeen years, she had lived with her daughter. Although she had boyfriends on and off, she had never been in an actual relationship with a man as a live-in partner or a husband.
    Now, standing in the corner by the door, Elena began to wonder about her separation from God and church. She began to wonder if she were closer to God if this situation would potentially be different. She stared at the floor and