Earthling Ambassador by Liane Moriarty

things.”
    Nicola winced. She didn’t even like purple! The only reason her bathing suit was purple was because she’d been in a rush to buy a new one for the swimming carnival and that was the only one left in her size.
    Georgio said, “Here we have our Committee psychic, Ella Bell, who predicted that something of great importance would happen on an Earth beach beginning with the letter B .That’s why we thought it might be a clever idea to ask if your favorite beach began with the letter B !”
    An extremely ordinary-looking woman in a skirt and blouse said, “Hello, Nicola. Congratulations.”
    She certainly didn’t look like someone with special psychic abilities.
    â€œAnd last but not least is pet shop manager Mr. Puck.” Georgio indicated a man with a colorful parrot on his shoulder. “Mr. Puck suggested we look for someone who owned a pet fish because fish owners tend to be extremely responsible.”
    This was getting worse and worse. Nicola’s pet fish before Goldie had died because she’d overfed it!
    â€œIt’s an honor, Nicola,” said Mr. Puck.
    â€œIt’s a horror, Nicola!” squawked the parrot.
    The parrot is right , thought Nicola despairingly.
    â€œMy wife and daughter are also on the Committee,” said Georgio. “But my daughter had her soccer play-off tonight, so you’ll be meeting them at my place for dinner.”
    â€œDon’t forget your own question, Georgio!” called out the freckly woman, Molly. “That was the best one!”
    â€œAhem!” said Georgio, “Yes, well, moving right along.”
    â€œDon’t be shy, Georgio,” said the sergeant. “Your question was the one about whether the Earthling had ever convinced someone to change their mind when their mind was already made up.”
    Nicola looked up quickly at Georgio.That was the question he’d said was an error and now they were saying it was the most important one of all! Georgio gave her a barely perceptible shake of his head. He obviously didn’t want her to mention it.What was going on?
    â€œLet’s not waste any more time with all that,” said Georgio. “The Committee is dying to hear from you, Nicola.We have a ladder here, since you are somewhat . . . vertically challenged.”
    He indicated a small ladder leaning against the podium and looked at her expectantly. Nicola felt an overwhelming urge to turn around and run as fast as she could, but that would be embarrassing for Earth, and besides, they could easily catch her.
    She lifted her skirt and carefully climbed the ladder. It wouldn’t be a good look if the Earthling Ambassador fell flat on her face.
    She tapped the microphone and cleared her throat. What could she say? She looked down at the eager, kind expressions on the faces below.These people might be a little loopy, but they’d all been working so hard to help save Earth.They deserved a nice speech.
    She opened her arms wide like she’d seen politicians do on TV.
    â€œSpeaking on behalf of my planet,” she began, “I would like to express our, ummm, most sincere and humble gratitude for all the fine work of the Save the Little Earthlings Committee. I am . . . overwhelmed.”
    That sounded pretty good , thought Nicola, feeling quite proud of the “overwhelmed” part. She could see the lady who liked purple actually wiping a tear from her eye with a purple-painted fingernail.
    â€œSo, ah, erm, thank you.”
    Not quite so good.
    â€œI am ummm, honored to be chosen by you as the Earthling Ambassador and tomorrow morning I will do my . . . utmost to convince Princess Petronella not to go ahead with this, this most . . . preposterous and petrifying plan!”
    The Save the Little Earthlings Committee erupted into rapturous applause. Oh dear, thought Nicola as she inclined her head graciously. If only she actually felt as confident as she sounded.

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