East of Ealing by Robert Rankin Page B

disbelief and generally making with the rumbles of suspicion, gave the thing up and slumped in their seats sipping liquor.
    “It all truly began,” said Holmes, “one foggy November night back in Eighteen-ninety. The previous month had been a successful one for me, having solved the remarkable case of the Naval Treaty and been more than adequately rewarded by Lord Holdhurst. I was experiencing a brief period of inactivity and as you will recall, such spells are no good to me. My soul as ever ached for the thrill of the chase, the challenge of pitting one’s wits against some diabolic adversary, the blood coursing through the temples, the rushing of…”
    “Quite so,” said Professor Slocombe. “Your enthusiasm for your work is well-recorded. Upon this particular evening, however?”
    “Yes, well, Watson and I had, I recall, just partaken of one of Mrs Hudson’s most palatable tables of roast beef, and were setting towards consuming the last of a fine bottle of Vamberry’s Port, when there came a violent knocking upon our chambers’ door.”
    “Probably the raven,” said Omally sarcastically.
    “Do you mind?” said Professor Slocombe.
    Holmes continued. “I had heard no rappings upon the front door and knowing that Mrs Hudson was below in the kitchen was put immediately upon my guard. I had many enemies at that time you must understand. I counselled Watson to open the door whilst I remained at my chair, my revolver upon my knee, covered with a napkin.”
    “Exciting so far isn’t it?” said Pooley, yawning loudly.
    “Riveting,” said Omally.
    Holmes continued once more. “The two figures who revealed themselves upon the door’s opening were quite unlike any I have before encountered. I pride myself that I can accurately deduce the background and occupations of any man set before me, but those two left me baffled. They were tall and angular with almond-shaped eyes and oriental features. When they spoke I found their accents totally alien. Watson permitted them ingress into our rooms and although they refused both food and drink, saying that such were impossible for them, what they had to say was precise and to the point. They had come from the future, they said, naming a year well in advance of this. The world they came from was vastly different from that I inhabited, but they were adamant in offering few details. They were perplexed by a problem of utmost import which required the deductive reasoning of a mind their century did not possess. They had read in their history books of my humble exploits and felt I was the man to tackle the task. Was I willing?
    “As you can imagine, I was more than doubtful and demanded some proof of their claims. What they showed me was more than adequate to convince me that they told no lie.”
    “So what are you doing here?” asked Professor Slocombe. “You should surely be away into the future by now.”
    “No,” said Holmes. “You must understand that their sophisticated equipment enabled them to traverse the fields of time in an instant, but it was not possible for them to take a being from the past forward into the future with them. I would have simply crumbled to dust upon my arrival. They were more subtle than this. They arranged for a secret place to be built for me where I might be placed in suspended animation. They would then travel forward in their time-eliminating conveyance, and unearth and resuscitate me almost on the instant.”
    “Ingenious,” said the Professor, turning towards Soap Distant.
    “How was I to know?” complained Soap.
    “Well,” said the Professor, “simply consider this a pleasurable stop off along your journey.”
    “I think not,” said Holmes. “Mr Distant here has broken the seal and disabled the means of my travel through time. Unless you happen to know of someone who can reset the apparatus, I would appear to be trapped.”
    Professor Slocombe scratched at his head. “That might present some problems,” said he.