direction.
“I’ll see you soon!” She hollered from the end of the hallway, just as I’d made it to my door. Orderlies were just rounding the corner, hitting the room three doors down from mine.
I bolted past Conner who casually leaned outside his room next to mine, and I quickly rearranged some things, cursing myself for being so lazy with the pills Devlin wanted me to push in the first place. After a quick scan of the room, I decided the least obvious hiding place was inside the wrought-iron bed frame holding up my mattress. The poles connected to the decorative ornaments at the head were hollow inside. It wasn’t exactly easy to get the tops off, but it would do.
I hadn’t realized sporadic room searches would be a thing—not like it had been at the prison where Devlin paid off the guards, so they skipped our room or simply pretended to hunt. Now that it was so close, and the possibility of going back to prison only one clever orderly away, I felt like an idiot for ever agreeing to this.
Sure, I needed the cash but the stakes were so high. Not to mention Devlin was a pain in the ass with his threats. Problem was, I knew he could make good on them even behind bars, and if I went back there? Fuck, it’d be hell.
After the orderlies had deemed my room clean, I stepped back into the hallways where Conner hung out with an unlit cigarette between his fingers, his eyes locked onto Charlie who still stood where I’d left her. He cracked a smirk, nodding at me.
“See you’ve finally met your sponsor,” he said, bringing his gaze to me.
My head snapped back to her, and it was like a sledgehammer hit me in my chest. “What?”
“Charlie? She’s awesome. I’ve seen her work magic on people in way worse shape than you.”
I closed my mouth, which had come unhinged with the feeling of loss that trembled through my core. She was never a possibility anyway.
But damn I’d wanted her to be.
As my sponsor, she was absolutely off limits. Not only would she be attempting to tear information from me at every turn, she was the one I was supposed to go to for help when I felt myself slipping. Romantic relationships were completely against the rules because it complicated the process of recovery.
It’s a good thing you weren’t looking to be with anyone anyway.
I repeated this to myself three times, but it still didn’t do a damn thing about the vacuum like feeling sucking the glimmer of light that had sparked in my chest when she’d spoken.
“Wait,” I said, something donning on me. “She said her darkness was E.”
Conner shrugged. “Yeah, so? Not all of us have one vice, bro. If I remember right, her drink was Gin.”
I shook my head. “Damn.”
“Oh, no, man. You didn’t realize who she was?”
“Nope.”
“Sorry, bro.”
“For what?”
“Crushing your dreams. I get it. She’s wicked hot. You just don’t want to tangle the beast that is sponsor and the beast that is girlfriend.
I scoffed. “Come on. Do I look like boyfriend material?” I joked to hide my panic on the inside. I had been once before I’d become what I was. Before I grew to resent Blake and all the possibilities in life she had that I didn’t, knowing full well I’d never be good enough for her. So I stopped trying. I know it wasn’t her fault, but I also knew I hated myself more when she’d been in my life.
Conner pulled his pack of smokes out and nodded toward the door that would lead to our designated smoking spot. “Yeah?”
I shook my head, still reeling from nearly getting caught holding.
“Look at you changing.” He smirked and headed outside while I turned back into my room sinking onto my bed, the springs creaking under my weight. That was too close. If Charlie hadn’t---
The thought stopped me dead in my tracks.
Charlie warned me about the search like she knew I was holding. Had she felt the pills in my pocket?
I tore my fingers through my hair. My sponsor—a former drug addict and alcoholic, the
“I’ll see you soon!” She hollered from the end of the hallway, just as I’d made it to my door. Orderlies were just rounding the corner, hitting the room three doors down from mine.
I bolted past Conner who casually leaned outside his room next to mine, and I quickly rearranged some things, cursing myself for being so lazy with the pills Devlin wanted me to push in the first place. After a quick scan of the room, I decided the least obvious hiding place was inside the wrought-iron bed frame holding up my mattress. The poles connected to the decorative ornaments at the head were hollow inside. It wasn’t exactly easy to get the tops off, but it would do.
I hadn’t realized sporadic room searches would be a thing—not like it had been at the prison where Devlin paid off the guards, so they skipped our room or simply pretended to hunt. Now that it was so close, and the possibility of going back to prison only one clever orderly away, I felt like an idiot for ever agreeing to this.
Sure, I needed the cash but the stakes were so high. Not to mention Devlin was a pain in the ass with his threats. Problem was, I knew he could make good on them even behind bars, and if I went back there? Fuck, it’d be hell.
After the orderlies had deemed my room clean, I stepped back into the hallways where Conner hung out with an unlit cigarette between his fingers, his eyes locked onto Charlie who still stood where I’d left her. He cracked a smirk, nodding at me.
“See you’ve finally met your sponsor,” he said, bringing his gaze to me.
My head snapped back to her, and it was like a sledgehammer hit me in my chest. “What?”
“Charlie? She’s awesome. I’ve seen her work magic on people in way worse shape than you.”
I closed my mouth, which had come unhinged with the feeling of loss that trembled through my core. She was never a possibility anyway.
But damn I’d wanted her to be.
As my sponsor, she was absolutely off limits. Not only would she be attempting to tear information from me at every turn, she was the one I was supposed to go to for help when I felt myself slipping. Romantic relationships were completely against the rules because it complicated the process of recovery.
It’s a good thing you weren’t looking to be with anyone anyway.
I repeated this to myself three times, but it still didn’t do a damn thing about the vacuum like feeling sucking the glimmer of light that had sparked in my chest when she’d spoken.
“Wait,” I said, something donning on me. “She said her darkness was E.”
Conner shrugged. “Yeah, so? Not all of us have one vice, bro. If I remember right, her drink was Gin.”
I shook my head. “Damn.”
“Oh, no, man. You didn’t realize who she was?”
“Nope.”
“Sorry, bro.”
“For what?”
“Crushing your dreams. I get it. She’s wicked hot. You just don’t want to tangle the beast that is sponsor and the beast that is girlfriend.
I scoffed. “Come on. Do I look like boyfriend material?” I joked to hide my panic on the inside. I had been once before I’d become what I was. Before I grew to resent Blake and all the possibilities in life she had that I didn’t, knowing full well I’d never be good enough for her. So I stopped trying. I know it wasn’t her fault, but I also knew I hated myself more when she’d been in my life.
Conner pulled his pack of smokes out and nodded toward the door that would lead to our designated smoking spot. “Yeah?”
I shook my head, still reeling from nearly getting caught holding.
“Look at you changing.” He smirked and headed outside while I turned back into my room sinking onto my bed, the springs creaking under my weight. That was too close. If Charlie hadn’t---
The thought stopped me dead in my tracks.
Charlie warned me about the search like she knew I was holding. Had she felt the pills in my pocket?
I tore my fingers through my hair. My sponsor—a former drug addict and alcoholic, the
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