experience. I could see it on your skin, as my heat raced
through you, making your fine hairs stand on end. You glowed, floating in my
nature as you were. I was so close. I was so close. I was so close. But I am
not brave.
I long to see you but know I
must stay away. They will eventually come for you and I must let them, unless—but
I am not brave … I cannot save you though I am ready to give myself up for you.
I am ready to lose myself to you. Do not give in. Do not let them take you. Do
not choose them. Wait for me …
***
When Tiro arrived, I hadn’t slept. Tal had left me
at the edge of the yard and I stayed outside with Bendo until the eye’s light
spread itself across the wheat field and into my garden. As the cart rolled
along the golden cobblestones, I thought of Onine. I hadn’t seen him since he’d
been in my garden and I secretly hoped he’d greet me again while I sat with
Bendo in the dark. The heat we’d exchanged had faded with Tal’s embrace and I
longed to renew my Kyprian spark—I couldn’t believe he was gone.
“Why did you meet Tal?”
Em caught me by surprise and I blushed through my
veil, worried she could read my thoughts.
“I, um, well he wanted to tell me about your assignment.”
“Why?”
I shrugged.
“That’s a lie.” She wouldn’t stop looking at me. “I
know about you two.”
“There’s nothing to know,” I said. “We’re just
friends.”
“He’s a seed-bearer. He can’t be your friend.”
“He was—” I held my tongue.
“He’s mine now,” she said. “If you don’t like it,
you can take it up with the council.”
“There’s nothing between us.”
“I’m sure. I doubt he has anything left to offer.” She
tried to goad me but I wouldn’t have it.
“Careful,” I said. “Your pettiness may be reflected
in others.” I was determined to stay calm but my inner fire opposed my will.
“Now that we’ve started,” she continued, “he’s drained.”
I couldn’t stand the thought of her with the sapient
I’d held so close to me only a moonscape ago. The small bowl of milk and grains
I’d eaten sunk like a stone and hit the bottom of my stomach, rebounding all
the way to the cleft at the base of my throat. I swallowed hard and my eyes
watered.
“Oh,” she said. “Have I upset you?”
The image of them together was impossible to squash,
and I was ashamed.
“We should have a youngling by the warm season,” she
said. “Any news on your reassignment?”
I shouldn’t have spoken. I should’ve resisted but
she simply got the best of me—or perhaps the worst—and I let my
secret out. “The goddess has selected me for another.”
“Who?”
“A Venusian.” My admission silenced Em, though I
hadn’t intended it to. “I’m actually honored to be chosen for such a … an
important …” I couldn’t think of a word to describe the terrifying honor
bestowed upon me by the Kyprian goddess. I couldn’t even come up with a lie.
The mood in the cart changed when Em no longer felt the need to one-up me. She
pitied me and I disliked her even more for it.
“I’m so sorry, El.”
I didn’t need to hear her say it to know she thought
it was the most wretched thing that could happen—a nightmare any cultivator
would fear. When the cart stopped, I thought she was going to turn around and
say goodbye, but instead she reached out and touched me on the forehead. She
mumbled something when she got off but I couldn’t hear her through the veil.
When I was alone, I thought of her and Tal together.
I pictured his bare body on top of hers, his mouth against hers, his heart next
to hers. I didn’t want to see them in my mind but couldn’t help it. I closed my
eyes and envisioned a bare-chested Tal standing in front of me, his sculpted muscles,
dark hair, every bend and curve of his broad frame. My sudden desire could’ve woken
a sleeping body. I felt him in the pit of my stomach—lower still.
The cart stopped at the Bathing Temple and I
through you, making your fine hairs stand on end. You glowed, floating in my
nature as you were. I was so close. I was so close. I was so close. But I am
not brave.
I long to see you but know I
must stay away. They will eventually come for you and I must let them, unless—but
I am not brave … I cannot save you though I am ready to give myself up for you.
I am ready to lose myself to you. Do not give in. Do not let them take you. Do
not choose them. Wait for me …
***
When Tiro arrived, I hadn’t slept. Tal had left me
at the edge of the yard and I stayed outside with Bendo until the eye’s light
spread itself across the wheat field and into my garden. As the cart rolled
along the golden cobblestones, I thought of Onine. I hadn’t seen him since he’d
been in my garden and I secretly hoped he’d greet me again while I sat with
Bendo in the dark. The heat we’d exchanged had faded with Tal’s embrace and I
longed to renew my Kyprian spark—I couldn’t believe he was gone.
“Why did you meet Tal?”
Em caught me by surprise and I blushed through my
veil, worried she could read my thoughts.
“I, um, well he wanted to tell me about your assignment.”
“Why?”
I shrugged.
“That’s a lie.” She wouldn’t stop looking at me. “I
know about you two.”
“There’s nothing to know,” I said. “We’re just
friends.”
“He’s a seed-bearer. He can’t be your friend.”
“He was—” I held my tongue.
“He’s mine now,” she said. “If you don’t like it,
you can take it up with the council.”
“There’s nothing between us.”
“I’m sure. I doubt he has anything left to offer.” She
tried to goad me but I wouldn’t have it.
“Careful,” I said. “Your pettiness may be reflected
in others.” I was determined to stay calm but my inner fire opposed my will.
“Now that we’ve started,” she continued, “he’s drained.”
I couldn’t stand the thought of her with the sapient
I’d held so close to me only a moonscape ago. The small bowl of milk and grains
I’d eaten sunk like a stone and hit the bottom of my stomach, rebounding all
the way to the cleft at the base of my throat. I swallowed hard and my eyes
watered.
“Oh,” she said. “Have I upset you?”
The image of them together was impossible to squash,
and I was ashamed.
“We should have a youngling by the warm season,” she
said. “Any news on your reassignment?”
I shouldn’t have spoken. I should’ve resisted but
she simply got the best of me—or perhaps the worst—and I let my
secret out. “The goddess has selected me for another.”
“Who?”
“A Venusian.” My admission silenced Em, though I
hadn’t intended it to. “I’m actually honored to be chosen for such a … an
important …” I couldn’t think of a word to describe the terrifying honor
bestowed upon me by the Kyprian goddess. I couldn’t even come up with a lie.
The mood in the cart changed when Em no longer felt the need to one-up me. She
pitied me and I disliked her even more for it.
“I’m so sorry, El.”
I didn’t need to hear her say it to know she thought
it was the most wretched thing that could happen—a nightmare any cultivator
would fear. When the cart stopped, I thought she was going to turn around and
say goodbye, but instead she reached out and touched me on the forehead. She
mumbled something when she got off but I couldn’t hear her through the veil.
When I was alone, I thought of her and Tal together.
I pictured his bare body on top of hers, his mouth against hers, his heart next
to hers. I didn’t want to see them in my mind but couldn’t help it. I closed my
eyes and envisioned a bare-chested Tal standing in front of me, his sculpted muscles,
dark hair, every bend and curve of his broad frame. My sudden desire could’ve woken
a sleeping body. I felt him in the pit of my stomach—lower still.
The cart stopped at the Bathing Temple and I
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