her way to where the band were playing and climbed up on to a chair, but the grown-ups still weren’t paying attention to her.
“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!” she shouted at the top of her voice.
Everyone turned to stare at her. The band stopped playing, the grown-ups stopped what they were doing, and the room fell totally silent.
Cassie’s mother broke the spell. “Cassie Lovett,” she shouted. “You get down from there right now.”
“No, Mother, I shan’t,” Cassie said. “You need to hear this. Everyone does. These poor ladies –” she pointed at Poppy and Pippy, who were waiting nervously at the edge of the dance floor – “have had a terrible ordeal. They are the hair and beauty ladies who were supposed to be working on this ship. But two criminals locked them in a storeroom! The hair and beauty ladies that you’ve all seen – they’re fakes!”
A gasp of shock rippled around the room.
“Look!” Cassie unrolled the newspaper and held it up. “The ladies you see here today were the ones booked to work on this ship. Here’s their picture in the newspaper.But the two women who locked them up are called Miss Crabb and Gladys Goulash, and they escaped from jail just a few days ago.” She flipped to the front page and held it high for everyone to see. “Miss Crabb and Gladys Goulash are dangerous criminals, and you’ve GOT to stop them!”
Petunia Galoshes-Gallop leaped up in fright, knocking over a whole platter of sandwiches, and started pulling at her husband’s hand.
“Criminals on board!” she cried. “To the lifeboats! We must escape!”
This sent the rest of the passengers into a terrible panic. If you can imagine a stampede of wild animals, dear reader, then you can imagine the sight of the passengers on the HMS Unsinkable in hysterics.
Petunia shoved her way through the crowds, grabbing a stack of pancakes from the tea-trolley. Her husband hurried after her, hitting anyone in his way with a half-eaten kipper.
Lady Spewitt burst into tears and accidentally whacked her husband in the face with her handbag.
One couple tried to smash a porthole to get out, and several more started arming themselves with spoons and butter knives.
Some passengers began flinging fruit at one another and in under a minute the ballroom looked like the world’s poshest, messiest food fight.
Custard was dripping from the chandeliers. People were chucking around cream cakes like snowballs. It was the most dreadful mess.
“Please will you calm down and return to your seats!” the captain cried, but everyone ignored her.
Finally she yelled at the top of her voice, “YOU LOT SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP NOW!”
It worked. The wealthy passengers weren’t used to being told what to do. They all sat down at once and went very quiet.
Captain Steel looked around the room. She had been a captain for many years and there wasn’t much that scared her. She had come across pirates, killer whales, icebergs and some truly dreadful cruise-ship singers in her time. But she had never had to deal with fake hair and beauty ladies.
“Right then,” she said, straightening her cuffs. “You there.” She pointed at Cassie. “Show me that newspaper.”
“I promise you it’s the truth,” Cassie said, handing the paper to Captain Steel. “The women working in the Extremely Elegant Hair and Beauty Salon are imposters.”
Cassie’s mum bustled forward and grabbed Cassie’s hand. “I’m her mother,”she said, “and I’ve no idea what she’s talking about. I’m afraid she does make up the silliest stories sometimes—”
“That’s enough, thank you!” Captain Steel said suddenly. She wished she was back in her cabin reading a nice book or dealing with something simple, like pirates or icebergs – not listening to some ridiculous story about kidnapping and people locked in storerooms.
“I say, hang on a minute,” said Lord Spewitt. He got up from his chair and went over, twiddling his
“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE!” she shouted at the top of her voice.
Everyone turned to stare at her. The band stopped playing, the grown-ups stopped what they were doing, and the room fell totally silent.
Cassie’s mother broke the spell. “Cassie Lovett,” she shouted. “You get down from there right now.”
“No, Mother, I shan’t,” Cassie said. “You need to hear this. Everyone does. These poor ladies –” she pointed at Poppy and Pippy, who were waiting nervously at the edge of the dance floor – “have had a terrible ordeal. They are the hair and beauty ladies who were supposed to be working on this ship. But two criminals locked them in a storeroom! The hair and beauty ladies that you’ve all seen – they’re fakes!”
A gasp of shock rippled around the room.
“Look!” Cassie unrolled the newspaper and held it up. “The ladies you see here today were the ones booked to work on this ship. Here’s their picture in the newspaper.But the two women who locked them up are called Miss Crabb and Gladys Goulash, and they escaped from jail just a few days ago.” She flipped to the front page and held it high for everyone to see. “Miss Crabb and Gladys Goulash are dangerous criminals, and you’ve GOT to stop them!”
Petunia Galoshes-Gallop leaped up in fright, knocking over a whole platter of sandwiches, and started pulling at her husband’s hand.
“Criminals on board!” she cried. “To the lifeboats! We must escape!”
This sent the rest of the passengers into a terrible panic. If you can imagine a stampede of wild animals, dear reader, then you can imagine the sight of the passengers on the HMS Unsinkable in hysterics.
Petunia shoved her way through the crowds, grabbing a stack of pancakes from the tea-trolley. Her husband hurried after her, hitting anyone in his way with a half-eaten kipper.
Lady Spewitt burst into tears and accidentally whacked her husband in the face with her handbag.
One couple tried to smash a porthole to get out, and several more started arming themselves with spoons and butter knives.
Some passengers began flinging fruit at one another and in under a minute the ballroom looked like the world’s poshest, messiest food fight.
Custard was dripping from the chandeliers. People were chucking around cream cakes like snowballs. It was the most dreadful mess.
“Please will you calm down and return to your seats!” the captain cried, but everyone ignored her.
Finally she yelled at the top of her voice, “YOU LOT SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP NOW!”
It worked. The wealthy passengers weren’t used to being told what to do. They all sat down at once and went very quiet.
Captain Steel looked around the room. She had been a captain for many years and there wasn’t much that scared her. She had come across pirates, killer whales, icebergs and some truly dreadful cruise-ship singers in her time. But she had never had to deal with fake hair and beauty ladies.
“Right then,” she said, straightening her cuffs. “You there.” She pointed at Cassie. “Show me that newspaper.”
“I promise you it’s the truth,” Cassie said, handing the paper to Captain Steel. “The women working in the Extremely Elegant Hair and Beauty Salon are imposters.”
Cassie’s mum bustled forward and grabbed Cassie’s hand. “I’m her mother,”she said, “and I’ve no idea what she’s talking about. I’m afraid she does make up the silliest stories sometimes—”
“That’s enough, thank you!” Captain Steel said suddenly. She wished she was back in her cabin reading a nice book or dealing with something simple, like pirates or icebergs – not listening to some ridiculous story about kidnapping and people locked in storerooms.
“I say, hang on a minute,” said Lord Spewitt. He got up from his chair and went over, twiddling his
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