he looks at me. His eyes are shining
with tears.
“I’ve never told anyone that story,” he
says. Before he can say another word, I kiss him gently, with all the love and
sorrow I feel.,I kiss him, wanting it to heal, to be a salve, and I pull him
against me, wishing that somehow I could take it all away.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I hold him close, wrapping my arms around
him. His broad back tenses at my touch, but I won’t let him go. I pull him
against me, tangling my hands in his hair, pulling his head against my chest.
And I can’t help it; I start to cry.
I try to keep it quiet, blinking back the
hot tears as they well up, my mouth tightening as I curse myself for doing
this. For falling apart when I’m the one that needs to be strong for him right
now. Maybe I can get over it before he notices.
But when my body starts to shake he pulls
back to look at me. I try to hold onto him but he moves easily out of my arms.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, honestly sounding
puzzled.
“I’m just . . .” I try to smile as I wipe my
eyes with the palms of my hands. But that somehow just makes me sob harder,
which I still manage to do quietly. He takes my hands between his.
“Hey,” he says gently, and now it’s him
holding me , him comforting me. “It’s okay; I promise, it’s okay.”
“No it isn’t ,” I say furiously, and
I’m angry now, angry with myself for doing this. “You just told me the worst
thing I’ve ever heard in my life, and I should be the one comforting you, but
now you’re doing all the work, and I’m a jerk for crying, and I’m sorry but I
just couldn’t help it, and . . .”
He lies back on the bed, and I swear, he’s trying
not to laugh.
“You might be the nicest person I’ve ever
met,” he says as he pulls me down on top of him. But not for anything
physical, not for another round of what we’re so good at together. He puts one arm
around me and starts to stroke my hair with the other.
I nuzzle into his chest, curling up like a
little girl, safe in his embrace.
“The most scared I’ve ever been in my life
was when I thought Matt was going to die,” I say softly. “I wanted to leave San
Francisco so bad. I wanted to be with my baby brother and help him beat it,
even on the days when I was sure it was impossible for him to keep going. And
he kept saying no, no, you have to stay. You have to keep living your life
and that’s what makes me want to keep fighting. And it was so hard. It was so hard. And it was after one of those days that I met you.”
He presses a soft kiss against my head.
Sleep is starting to catch hold of me. I can feel my eyelids getting heavier,
and my body slumping into the rest it wants so badly.
The last thing I do before I slip into sleep
is run my hand over his chest, just to feel him, here with me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
I will not cry. I will not cry.
I repeat this to myself as Gabriel’s arms
wrap around me. I bury my face in the slope of his shoulder and take a deep
breath to steady myself.
I am so going to cry.
I start to pull away, wanting to get this
over with as soon as possible, but he holds me tightly. I relax into him and
close my eyes. He speaks softly, his mouth pressed against my ear.
“I thought about asking you to come to the
airport tonight.”
This time he allows me to pull back so I can
meet his eyes. He looks sad, and slightly embarrassed.
“But I thought that it might be too hard.
For both of us,” he continues.
He’s right, of course. For the first time,
our goodbye leaves us in a good place—a place of understanding. Even though I
don’t want to see him go right now, I know I’m important to him. Probably as
important as he is to me, but our lives are headed in different directions. At
least for now.
I rise on my toes and kiss him softly on the
lips. He smells of my shampoo and tastes like minty toothpaste. An ache begins
to fill my chest at the thought of him not being here when I get home later.
He
with tears.
“I’ve never told anyone that story,” he
says. Before he can say another word, I kiss him gently, with all the love and
sorrow I feel.,I kiss him, wanting it to heal, to be a salve, and I pull him
against me, wishing that somehow I could take it all away.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
I hold him close, wrapping my arms around
him. His broad back tenses at my touch, but I won’t let him go. I pull him
against me, tangling my hands in his hair, pulling his head against my chest.
And I can’t help it; I start to cry.
I try to keep it quiet, blinking back the
hot tears as they well up, my mouth tightening as I curse myself for doing
this. For falling apart when I’m the one that needs to be strong for him right
now. Maybe I can get over it before he notices.
But when my body starts to shake he pulls
back to look at me. I try to hold onto him but he moves easily out of my arms.
“What’s wrong?” he asks, honestly sounding
puzzled.
“I’m just . . .” I try to smile as I wipe my
eyes with the palms of my hands. But that somehow just makes me sob harder,
which I still manage to do quietly. He takes my hands between his.
“Hey,” he says gently, and now it’s him
holding me , him comforting me. “It’s okay; I promise, it’s okay.”
“No it isn’t ,” I say furiously, and
I’m angry now, angry with myself for doing this. “You just told me the worst
thing I’ve ever heard in my life, and I should be the one comforting you, but
now you’re doing all the work, and I’m a jerk for crying, and I’m sorry but I
just couldn’t help it, and . . .”
He lies back on the bed, and I swear, he’s trying
not to laugh.
“You might be the nicest person I’ve ever
met,” he says as he pulls me down on top of him. But not for anything
physical, not for another round of what we’re so good at together. He puts one arm
around me and starts to stroke my hair with the other.
I nuzzle into his chest, curling up like a
little girl, safe in his embrace.
“The most scared I’ve ever been in my life
was when I thought Matt was going to die,” I say softly. “I wanted to leave San
Francisco so bad. I wanted to be with my baby brother and help him beat it,
even on the days when I was sure it was impossible for him to keep going. And
he kept saying no, no, you have to stay. You have to keep living your life
and that’s what makes me want to keep fighting. And it was so hard. It was so hard. And it was after one of those days that I met you.”
He presses a soft kiss against my head.
Sleep is starting to catch hold of me. I can feel my eyelids getting heavier,
and my body slumping into the rest it wants so badly.
The last thing I do before I slip into sleep
is run my hand over his chest, just to feel him, here with me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
I will not cry. I will not cry.
I repeat this to myself as Gabriel’s arms
wrap around me. I bury my face in the slope of his shoulder and take a deep
breath to steady myself.
I am so going to cry.
I start to pull away, wanting to get this
over with as soon as possible, but he holds me tightly. I relax into him and
close my eyes. He speaks softly, his mouth pressed against my ear.
“I thought about asking you to come to the
airport tonight.”
This time he allows me to pull back so I can
meet his eyes. He looks sad, and slightly embarrassed.
“But I thought that it might be too hard.
For both of us,” he continues.
He’s right, of course. For the first time,
our goodbye leaves us in a good place—a place of understanding. Even though I
don’t want to see him go right now, I know I’m important to him. Probably as
important as he is to me, but our lives are headed in different directions. At
least for now.
I rise on my toes and kiss him softly on the
lips. He smells of my shampoo and tastes like minty toothpaste. An ache begins
to fill my chest at the thought of him not being here when I get home later.
He
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