father’s voice was raw. “You promised me that you wouldn’t leave her.”
“No!” Fi screamed and sat straight up in bed, panting. Someone grabbed her wrists and she struggled, kicking her feet beneath the blankets. “No!”
“Fi, stop it! ” A man’s voice urged. “Stop it! It’s me, Asher,” he said, and she slowed her fight. “It’s me.”
S he met his gaze and recognized the cornflower blue eyes of her husband, his brow creased. She stopped struggling and started to cry, though her cheeks were already wet with the tears she’d shed while dreaming. He folded her into his arms and held her while she sobbed.
“The same dream?” he said, and she nodded and hiccupped. He kissed her neck and held her tighter while her sobs subsided. Once she’d run out of tears she lay back down, exhausted. “How long did I sleep this time?” she asked.
Asher bit his lip . “Forty minutes.”
She sighed . It was never much longer than that. She hadn’t had a real night’s sleep since Eden’s radio station had gone silent, and now she was getting even less. She didn’t even know if what sleep she was getting counted, because it always brought the excruciating dream. She turned her face into the thrashed, soaking pillowcase and stared at the wall, too terrified to relinquish herself to sleep again so soon.
It only took minutes for the “nothing” to settle over her again . She could feel its familiar tendrils wind their way around her, encasing her. Ever since Luke was born she’d felt it there, separating her from her surroundings. It was like being trapped behind glass. When she’d carried the burdens of her Family’s survival, she’d half expected to die of feeling too much. Now she wondered if it was possible to die of feeling nothing.
Luke cried and she tried to rouse herself . She knew that Asher would get him for her. At times she realized that he’d been screaming for a while before Squeak or Asher rushed in to bring him to her. They’d assumed that she’d heard him, and she had, sort of.
But when they would run into the room they’d see her there, curled up, facing the wall . It wasn’t that she was ignoring him; it was that she could barely sense anything at all. The only thing that penetrated the “nothing” was the pain of Luke at her breast, but she knew that he was getting less and less milk with each passing day that she struggled to eat.
Somewhere, beyond the “nothing,” on the other side of the glass, she knew that she needed to try harder. She needed to eat. She should fight to sleep. She should be happy to have her baby, happy to feel Asher’s comfort. But she didn’t, she couldn’t. She couldn’t find a way to push past the “nothing” and she wasn’t sure that she wanted to anyway. If the world was going to take Kiara from her after all that she’d done to protect her…then maybe this world wasn’t for her.
----------------- Sean ----------------
They raced through the forest in silence, following the wide swath cut by the marching colonists and their captors. On the one hand, Sean was grateful that the hundreds of feet left such obvious marks on the landscape, but on the other he worried about how the colonists could survive this march through the icy depths of winter. Despite Squeak’s assurances that the Truthers had made the colonists bring winter gear, few of them were prepared for this type of exposure. They had to hurry.
Of course, perhaps many of them were warmed by their rage, as he was now . He could feel it pulsing in his neck, flowing through his extremities, grinding his teeth together. He knew that Sara felt the same, that the only thing she could think of was her family, and especially her little sister, Lily. These days he often caught Sara fingering the new scar on her cheek: a gift from a Lobo who’d been working for the Truthers. Sara didn’t have reason to believe that Lobos and teen girls were a good mix. He exhaled, pushing
“No!” Fi screamed and sat straight up in bed, panting. Someone grabbed her wrists and she struggled, kicking her feet beneath the blankets. “No!”
“Fi, stop it! ” A man’s voice urged. “Stop it! It’s me, Asher,” he said, and she slowed her fight. “It’s me.”
S he met his gaze and recognized the cornflower blue eyes of her husband, his brow creased. She stopped struggling and started to cry, though her cheeks were already wet with the tears she’d shed while dreaming. He folded her into his arms and held her while she sobbed.
“The same dream?” he said, and she nodded and hiccupped. He kissed her neck and held her tighter while her sobs subsided. Once she’d run out of tears she lay back down, exhausted. “How long did I sleep this time?” she asked.
Asher bit his lip . “Forty minutes.”
She sighed . It was never much longer than that. She hadn’t had a real night’s sleep since Eden’s radio station had gone silent, and now she was getting even less. She didn’t even know if what sleep she was getting counted, because it always brought the excruciating dream. She turned her face into the thrashed, soaking pillowcase and stared at the wall, too terrified to relinquish herself to sleep again so soon.
It only took minutes for the “nothing” to settle over her again . She could feel its familiar tendrils wind their way around her, encasing her. Ever since Luke was born she’d felt it there, separating her from her surroundings. It was like being trapped behind glass. When she’d carried the burdens of her Family’s survival, she’d half expected to die of feeling too much. Now she wondered if it was possible to die of feeling nothing.
Luke cried and she tried to rouse herself . She knew that Asher would get him for her. At times she realized that he’d been screaming for a while before Squeak or Asher rushed in to bring him to her. They’d assumed that she’d heard him, and she had, sort of.
But when they would run into the room they’d see her there, curled up, facing the wall . It wasn’t that she was ignoring him; it was that she could barely sense anything at all. The only thing that penetrated the “nothing” was the pain of Luke at her breast, but she knew that he was getting less and less milk with each passing day that she struggled to eat.
Somewhere, beyond the “nothing,” on the other side of the glass, she knew that she needed to try harder. She needed to eat. She should fight to sleep. She should be happy to have her baby, happy to feel Asher’s comfort. But she didn’t, she couldn’t. She couldn’t find a way to push past the “nothing” and she wasn’t sure that she wanted to anyway. If the world was going to take Kiara from her after all that she’d done to protect her…then maybe this world wasn’t for her.
----------------- Sean ----------------
They raced through the forest in silence, following the wide swath cut by the marching colonists and their captors. On the one hand, Sean was grateful that the hundreds of feet left such obvious marks on the landscape, but on the other he worried about how the colonists could survive this march through the icy depths of winter. Despite Squeak’s assurances that the Truthers had made the colonists bring winter gear, few of them were prepared for this type of exposure. They had to hurry.
Of course, perhaps many of them were warmed by their rage, as he was now . He could feel it pulsing in his neck, flowing through his extremities, grinding his teeth together. He knew that Sara felt the same, that the only thing she could think of was her family, and especially her little sister, Lily. These days he often caught Sara fingering the new scar on her cheek: a gift from a Lobo who’d been working for the Truthers. Sara didn’t have reason to believe that Lobos and teen girls were a good mix. He exhaled, pushing
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