knocked something in my medicine cabinet. I grabbed it and walked into my room, toward the window. It’s a bottle of prescription pills. It was hiding behind all my other things in there I guess. I thought about the cut and it’s hurting. But I can’t…not after what happened this summer and not after what I just tried to do. Painkillers wouldn’t be a good idea.
I ’m past that though. Whatever, fuck it.
I took a pill out of the bottle and swallowed it down with water. That should help. I went back to bed and stared out at my window, same as I did every night. Only tonight was different. I wasn’t looking out at what tomorrow can bring. I’m staring out at what could have been.
Florence and the Machine’s voice filled the silence in my room.
I put th e painkillers on my nightstand and I stared at them for a while, deciding whether or not to take them. Maybe enough for all this to be over. For my body to stop hurting. Maybe these would work. Maybe I can end this. All of it. Will it be enough?
As I reached for the bottle , my bedroom door opened. I dropped my hand just as fast and shut my eyes.
“I brought the pizza. Come down .” Declan said. I didn’t answer. I pretended to be asleep instead. I’m not in the mood to go downstairs. I’m not in the mood to be with my family. I’m not in the mood for anything. The bed dipped under his weight. “Emily?” He waited for an answer. I heard him put something on my nightstand. He got up and pulled the comforter over me, kissed my head and said, “Goodnight, Em.” He left the music playing and I found it soothing. I drifted off into a real sleep.
***
I woke up the next morning feeling better than I did last night but it wasn’t much. I turned over to see what Declan left behind and found a note beside a brown paper bag. “I hope you still like blueberry.” I grabbed the bag and peeked inside to find a blueberry muffin. I smiled and thought about how long it’s been. We use to go to the bakery every Sunday and get muffins. Once Declan went to college, we stopped doing everything altogether.
It’s been a whole day since I had last eaten. I wanted to take my time with the muffin, to savor every delicious bite but I couldn’t so I just stuck the whole thing in my mouth and chewed. My cheeks were puffed up and I smiled. Declan use to tell me I looked like a squirrel hiding nuts to bring back to their home when I did this.
I took a shower and changed my bandage. It hurt less when Alex did it and I blame it on him being distracting.
I put on my robe and sat on my bed. I should do something, right? I should go to the police. No, I just took a shower. How would that help find the guy? I don’t even want to go to the police. I just want to forget that Saturday night ever happened.
I grabbed my phone and saw that Bryan and Tiffa ny were texting and calling non-stop. I read them and finally replied back. They’ll get offended if I don’t. I honestly don’t care though.
Me: Hey guys, sorry I didn’t get back to you. Been really busy about the move and all. I decided I’m going to stay with Mrs. Diaz so don’t worry about me. I’ll be back. Talk later!
Pretending to be okay is easy.
Almost instantly they both texted back.
Tiffany: God Em, you can NOT leave a party and NOT call us to say where you are. WTF?!!!!!
Bryan : Em, what were you thinking? When I went to the room with Tiffany you were gone and everyone said you left with Alex???!!!!
Me : I’m fine. Don’t worry. I’ll see you tomorrow. I’m helping everyone pack. P.S. They’re leaving before my birthday!!! :( Gotta go.
I decided I am going to stay because I will find him. I am not going t o let him do this to me and runaway. What if he does this to another girl? He took away my life by violating me but I still have my dignity.
Just th e thought of him ruined my mood so I put my phone down and went downstairs. My family in the kitchen and I was thankful I remembered to wear Alex’s
I ’m past that though. Whatever, fuck it.
I took a pill out of the bottle and swallowed it down with water. That should help. I went back to bed and stared out at my window, same as I did every night. Only tonight was different. I wasn’t looking out at what tomorrow can bring. I’m staring out at what could have been.
Florence and the Machine’s voice filled the silence in my room.
I put th e painkillers on my nightstand and I stared at them for a while, deciding whether or not to take them. Maybe enough for all this to be over. For my body to stop hurting. Maybe these would work. Maybe I can end this. All of it. Will it be enough?
As I reached for the bottle , my bedroom door opened. I dropped my hand just as fast and shut my eyes.
“I brought the pizza. Come down .” Declan said. I didn’t answer. I pretended to be asleep instead. I’m not in the mood to go downstairs. I’m not in the mood to be with my family. I’m not in the mood for anything. The bed dipped under his weight. “Emily?” He waited for an answer. I heard him put something on my nightstand. He got up and pulled the comforter over me, kissed my head and said, “Goodnight, Em.” He left the music playing and I found it soothing. I drifted off into a real sleep.
***
I woke up the next morning feeling better than I did last night but it wasn’t much. I turned over to see what Declan left behind and found a note beside a brown paper bag. “I hope you still like blueberry.” I grabbed the bag and peeked inside to find a blueberry muffin. I smiled and thought about how long it’s been. We use to go to the bakery every Sunday and get muffins. Once Declan went to college, we stopped doing everything altogether.
It’s been a whole day since I had last eaten. I wanted to take my time with the muffin, to savor every delicious bite but I couldn’t so I just stuck the whole thing in my mouth and chewed. My cheeks were puffed up and I smiled. Declan use to tell me I looked like a squirrel hiding nuts to bring back to their home when I did this.
I took a shower and changed my bandage. It hurt less when Alex did it and I blame it on him being distracting.
I put on my robe and sat on my bed. I should do something, right? I should go to the police. No, I just took a shower. How would that help find the guy? I don’t even want to go to the police. I just want to forget that Saturday night ever happened.
I grabbed my phone and saw that Bryan and Tiffa ny were texting and calling non-stop. I read them and finally replied back. They’ll get offended if I don’t. I honestly don’t care though.
Me: Hey guys, sorry I didn’t get back to you. Been really busy about the move and all. I decided I’m going to stay with Mrs. Diaz so don’t worry about me. I’ll be back. Talk later!
Pretending to be okay is easy.
Almost instantly they both texted back.
Tiffany: God Em, you can NOT leave a party and NOT call us to say where you are. WTF?!!!!!
Bryan : Em, what were you thinking? When I went to the room with Tiffany you were gone and everyone said you left with Alex???!!!!
Me : I’m fine. Don’t worry. I’ll see you tomorrow. I’m helping everyone pack. P.S. They’re leaving before my birthday!!! :( Gotta go.
I decided I am going to stay because I will find him. I am not going t o let him do this to me and runaway. What if he does this to another girl? He took away my life by violating me but I still have my dignity.
Just th e thought of him ruined my mood so I put my phone down and went downstairs. My family in the kitchen and I was thankful I remembered to wear Alex’s
Similar Books
