says he’s
playing sometimes and when I show up at the bar, he’s not there, or he sneaks
out from the back right before some little skank comes skulking out. Why? Tell
me why he would want to be with that trash when he has all this waiting for him
at home.” She actually held her arms out when she said, “All this.” She was
really something.
“ Mmm ,” I said.
“I think I’m just too good to them. I give them
everything they want…whenever they want it…however they want it, if you know
what I mean…” I did, and now I was nauseated. I kept silent. That one didn’t
even call for a sound. She didn’t mention what they had all done for her. “They
take it all and then they leave me…they all leave me in the end…”
Finally I said, “That’s too bad, Mom.” She continued
to ramble on for a while. It was all “woe is me.” She acted like everything
that happened to her was someone else’s fault. The universe was out to hurt
her…she never took responsibility for doing anything wrong…it’s the way she’d
always been. I should thank her…it made me go the opposite direction. I took responsibility
for everything, even things that I shouldn’t. I was relieved when my apartment
complex came into view. I was fed up with listening to her broken record.
We pulled up in my spot in the lot and she proved
she wasn’t done annoying me by saying, “Justin called me last night. He really
wants you to call him.”
“No! Damn it, Mom. Why are you even still taking his
calls? You said you’re not buying from him any longer…a recovering addict does
not need a dealer on speed dial, and I do not want to talk to him.”
“I don’t like the way you throw around that
word…addict. But anyways, he misses you, baby. I feel sorry for him. He’s not
trying to sell me anything. He just needs someone to talk to. He’s all
alone…you’re alone…”
“I’d rather be alone than with a man like that. God,
Mom! You of all people know what I went through with him.” I got out and
started taking her luggage out of the car. She came around to help and said,
“Do you have someone else, honey? Is that why you won’t at least call him?”
“No, I don’t have anyone, but that’s not the point
anyways. I do not want Justin and I’m just appalled that any mother on this
earth would try and force her daughter into a relationship with a drug dealer.
Even being his friend would be too much and you know it.” I grabbed the bags
and headed for the apartment. She followed me and when we were inside I dropped
them and she said, “I just hate to see you alone, honey. You’re so pretty. You
should have a man around to appreciate you…while you’re still young.”
“I don’t need a man in my life to define who I am,
Mother. I’m happy and I don’t feel lonely. I have a good life and lots of
friends. None of whom deal drugs. I have to go to work. The room is all ready
for you. Help yourself to whatever you want in the kitchen; I’ll be back in a
few hours.”
“Maybe you could just call Justin and say hello. You
don’t have to go out with him or anything if you’re with someone else….” I
closed the door behind me, cutting her off. She’d been in my presence for less
than an hour and I already wanted to kill her or myself. I wasn’t sure which.
It was probably good that I didn’t have a weapon right at that second, or we
may have found out.
I left her with her things in her new room and I
headed for work. I was thankful that it was the one place that I could get some
peace.
*******
I walked into my “peaceful place” just in time to
see Paul throwing a right hook at Mark. I was shocked for a few seconds,
wondering if it was a sparring match and maybe it had just gotten out of hand.
I saw Mark dodge it and throw one back. It almost connected with Paul’s jaw and
the look in Paul’s eyes as they focused on Mark’s face told me they weren’t
playing. I looked at Victoria who was standing
Loretta Ellsworth
Sheri S. Tepper
Tamora Pierce
Glenn Beck
Ted Chiang
Brett Battles
Lee Moan
Laurie Halse Anderson
Denise Grover Swank
Allison Butler