here—since no one is around to see me, I get on the scales and weigh myself. And to my astonished delight, I have lost ten pounds! That’s ten pounds plus the three I’d lost previously for a total of thirteen! I can hardly believe it and double-check to make sure I’ve got the weights in the right places. But it’s true!
So now I know that these methods really do work. And while I’m sure that Leah meant well with her more careful weight-loss plan for me, I think she’d have to agree that this is better. Way better! Although I don’t plan on telling her anytime soon.
But here’s what totally rocks—I feel powerful. As I’m working out, and really going hard at it, I feel like I finally have some control over my life. Like I have the upper hand over my body now. Like I have really accomplished something—something big. And, I realize as I’m jogging on the treadmill, this is just the beginning.
I make sure to drink plenty of water during and after my workout. And then I even take the stairs again, without fainting this time. I shower and change (noticing my clothes are getting baggy!), and when I go back downstairs to join the other girls for dinner, which I’ve decided to actually eat and then dispense of, I am flying high.
“Why are you so happy?” Leah asks when I find her standing in line for the salad bar.
“I’ve lost more weight,” I tell her.
“Cool!”
“Yeah,” I say. “I guess you were right after all.”
“See, I told you to just be patient. Project Swan is going to work.”
I nod as I load up a plate with everything in front of me.
“But you’re not really going to eat all that, are you?” she looks concerned.
“Well, I worked out for about an hour, and I never had any lunch,” I say.
She considers this. “Well, I guess it’s okay then.”
“And I might work out again before bed,” I add.
“Cool,” she says. “Then I will too. I haven’t even had a chance to exercise yet today.”
There’s supposed to be a speaker tonight—someone who Leah and everyone else are all gaga over—from some big New York modeling agency that I couldn’t care less about. She steps up to the podium just as we’re finishing dinner, and I use the opportunity to slip out to use the restroom. It takes less than a minute to rid myself of tonight’s meal, but I wish I’d thought to bring a toothbrush. The idea of losing the enamel on my teeth is a concern. So I wet a paper towel and do my best to wash my mouth out. Then I go back out and pretend to be interested in what this elegant older woman has to say. But in reality, I’m just thinking about myself and how great I’m going to look in a swimsuit before long if I keep losing weight, which I will. And sure, maybe I won’t look as hot as the girls here, although I personally think some of them are too skinny, but at least I won’t be too embarrassed to go swimming this summer. Maybe I’ll even look good in time for camp, although I can hardly believe that it will be starting next week. And I can hardly believe that I’ve lost thirteen pounds even before camp begins! Life is good.
And then, as I’m sitting there amid all these beautiful girls who are really hoping to make it as professional models, and I have absolutely no aspirations for anything like that at all, I am suddenly overcome with this huge sense of gratitude. So much so that I actuallybegin to pray silently in my heart, and I sincerely thank God for helping me to lose this weight. Seriously, it seems like nothing short of a miracle to me! What a high! And I think about how my parents will react to this new me—especially my dad. Maybe he’ll start treating me the way he used to. Maybe this will fix things between us. I am full of hope!
seven
W HEN WE GET HOME FROM C HICAGO , L EAH AND I HAVE LESS THAN THREE days to regroup and get it together before it’s time to head off to camp. But as soon as I get into my house, I am so exhausted that I end up
So now I know that these methods really do work. And while I’m sure that Leah meant well with her more careful weight-loss plan for me, I think she’d have to agree that this is better. Way better! Although I don’t plan on telling her anytime soon.
But here’s what totally rocks—I feel powerful. As I’m working out, and really going hard at it, I feel like I finally have some control over my life. Like I have the upper hand over my body now. Like I have really accomplished something—something big. And, I realize as I’m jogging on the treadmill, this is just the beginning.
I make sure to drink plenty of water during and after my workout. And then I even take the stairs again, without fainting this time. I shower and change (noticing my clothes are getting baggy!), and when I go back downstairs to join the other girls for dinner, which I’ve decided to actually eat and then dispense of, I am flying high.
“Why are you so happy?” Leah asks when I find her standing in line for the salad bar.
“I’ve lost more weight,” I tell her.
“Cool!”
“Yeah,” I say. “I guess you were right after all.”
“See, I told you to just be patient. Project Swan is going to work.”
I nod as I load up a plate with everything in front of me.
“But you’re not really going to eat all that, are you?” she looks concerned.
“Well, I worked out for about an hour, and I never had any lunch,” I say.
She considers this. “Well, I guess it’s okay then.”
“And I might work out again before bed,” I add.
“Cool,” she says. “Then I will too. I haven’t even had a chance to exercise yet today.”
There’s supposed to be a speaker tonight—someone who Leah and everyone else are all gaga over—from some big New York modeling agency that I couldn’t care less about. She steps up to the podium just as we’re finishing dinner, and I use the opportunity to slip out to use the restroom. It takes less than a minute to rid myself of tonight’s meal, but I wish I’d thought to bring a toothbrush. The idea of losing the enamel on my teeth is a concern. So I wet a paper towel and do my best to wash my mouth out. Then I go back out and pretend to be interested in what this elegant older woman has to say. But in reality, I’m just thinking about myself and how great I’m going to look in a swimsuit before long if I keep losing weight, which I will. And sure, maybe I won’t look as hot as the girls here, although I personally think some of them are too skinny, but at least I won’t be too embarrassed to go swimming this summer. Maybe I’ll even look good in time for camp, although I can hardly believe that it will be starting next week. And I can hardly believe that I’ve lost thirteen pounds even before camp begins! Life is good.
And then, as I’m sitting there amid all these beautiful girls who are really hoping to make it as professional models, and I have absolutely no aspirations for anything like that at all, I am suddenly overcome with this huge sense of gratitude. So much so that I actuallybegin to pray silently in my heart, and I sincerely thank God for helping me to lose this weight. Seriously, it seems like nothing short of a miracle to me! What a high! And I think about how my parents will react to this new me—especially my dad. Maybe he’ll start treating me the way he used to. Maybe this will fix things between us. I am full of hope!
seven
W HEN WE GET HOME FROM C HICAGO , L EAH AND I HAVE LESS THAN THREE days to regroup and get it together before it’s time to head off to camp. But as soon as I get into my house, I am so exhausted that I end up
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