Fakes: An Anthology of Pseudo-Interviews, Faux-Lectures, Quasi-Letters, "Found" Texts, and Other Fraudulent Artifacts by David Shields, Matthew Vollmer Page B
Authors: David Shields, Matthew Vollmer
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frequency hum as it vibrates through his whole body. His future opens up in front of him.
(j) He is moving now. His past sealing itself off, trailing farther and farther behind him.
(k) The escape velocity, vesc, of a projectile launched from the surface of the earth is the minimum speed with which the projectile must launch from the surface in order to overcome gravity and leave the vicinity of the earth forever.
(l) His imperfect theorem, his imperfect credit, his imperfect house, his imperfect bladder, his imperfect hemorrhoids, his imperfect gum disease, his imperfect career, his imperfect penis: gone. Also gone: the history of his interactions, his past collisions, his past. A has finally achieved his major result. He is free from the unceasing pull of gravitational memory.
10. A is in deep space. The solar wind is at his back, pushing him along at a rate of 0.000000001 m/s.
At this rate, it will take the rest of his life to travel a distance of just over eight feet. B is on a space rock, watching A drift by glacially. Imagine you are B.
(a) Imagine you are 20m from A. Close enough to see his face. Close enough to know his shape. Close enough to imagine Contact.
(b) You have a rope. If you can throw it just right, you may be able to tie yourself to A, turn his course, affect his trajectory. You will not be able to stop him, but you may be able to make sure that wherever it is he drifts to you end up there as well.
(c) Assume you are of average strength. Assume you are of above-average compassion, patience, will, and determination.
(d) If you throw the rope and miss, what happens? If you never throw the rope, what happens?
(e) Imagine you will spend a period of eighty years within a few meters of this astronaut, a man in an insulated space suit. Imagine it is possible to drift by this man, staring at him, as he makes his way into the infinite ocean of space.
(f) You will never know any other points, other problems, the mysteries of biochemistry, the magic of literature, the pleasures of topology. You will know only physics.
(g) You will never know what it feels like inside his suit.
(h) You will never know why you are on this rock.
11. INITIAL CONDITIONS
A is on a train traveling due west along the x-axis at a constant velocity of seventy kilometers per hour (70 km/h). He is carrying a suitcase (30kg) and a small bound volume (his thesis; 0.7 kg; 7 years).
He stands at the rear of the train, looking back at the town of (6,3): a point full of sadness, an origin of vectors, a locus of desire; a point like any other point.
----
6
Permission Slip
Caron A. Levis
Hell-o .
This on?
Think I’m hearin me. Me.
This reverbin either in the buildin or in my head. Whatever. Ha.
Nobody listnin anyways right?
Mos all you out the building by now, an who listens to the announcements they makin evry five minutes like they tryin to give all of evybody in the whole Bronx a holla or somethin anyway.
Thing is, this NOT your principal speakin.
This. Is. Nessa. And today I didn do nothin.
I’m jus a surge cloud, thas all.
Yeah. I didn’t ever hear of it either till last week when miss wahzerfuck—EXCUSE ME, miss whazerface, said something bout it in science.
I’m passin that one. I even turn in summa the homework and if she don’t pass me, she gonna have to see me in there again nex year, and you know she don’t want that cause Ima surge cloud.
She say it’s this super hot air that comes offa lava. Like outta a volcano. An it jus as deadly as the lava itself. It can kill. Even though it’s invisible it can kill. How you like that? Ha, Yeah. I like that. That is me. Ima get it tattooed.
All I’m sayin is people best watch out. All I’m sayin is if somebody got burnt, not my fault. I didn do nothin. Is just my invisible hotness.
I was jus sittin there, fourth floor hall, where I always be, not standin or stalkin, screamin, playin beats, or
(j) He is moving now. His past sealing itself off, trailing farther and farther behind him.
(k) The escape velocity, vesc, of a projectile launched from the surface of the earth is the minimum speed with which the projectile must launch from the surface in order to overcome gravity and leave the vicinity of the earth forever.
(l) His imperfect theorem, his imperfect credit, his imperfect house, his imperfect bladder, his imperfect hemorrhoids, his imperfect gum disease, his imperfect career, his imperfect penis: gone. Also gone: the history of his interactions, his past collisions, his past. A has finally achieved his major result. He is free from the unceasing pull of gravitational memory.
10. A is in deep space. The solar wind is at his back, pushing him along at a rate of 0.000000001 m/s.
At this rate, it will take the rest of his life to travel a distance of just over eight feet. B is on a space rock, watching A drift by glacially. Imagine you are B.
(a) Imagine you are 20m from A. Close enough to see his face. Close enough to know his shape. Close enough to imagine Contact.
(b) You have a rope. If you can throw it just right, you may be able to tie yourself to A, turn his course, affect his trajectory. You will not be able to stop him, but you may be able to make sure that wherever it is he drifts to you end up there as well.
(c) Assume you are of average strength. Assume you are of above-average compassion, patience, will, and determination.
(d) If you throw the rope and miss, what happens? If you never throw the rope, what happens?
(e) Imagine you will spend a period of eighty years within a few meters of this astronaut, a man in an insulated space suit. Imagine it is possible to drift by this man, staring at him, as he makes his way into the infinite ocean of space.
(f) You will never know any other points, other problems, the mysteries of biochemistry, the magic of literature, the pleasures of topology. You will know only physics.
(g) You will never know what it feels like inside his suit.
(h) You will never know why you are on this rock.
11. INITIAL CONDITIONS
A is on a train traveling due west along the x-axis at a constant velocity of seventy kilometers per hour (70 km/h). He is carrying a suitcase (30kg) and a small bound volume (his thesis; 0.7 kg; 7 years).
He stands at the rear of the train, looking back at the town of (6,3): a point full of sadness, an origin of vectors, a locus of desire; a point like any other point.
----
6
Permission Slip
Caron A. Levis
Hell-o .
This on?
Think I’m hearin me. Me.
This reverbin either in the buildin or in my head. Whatever. Ha.
Nobody listnin anyways right?
Mos all you out the building by now, an who listens to the announcements they makin evry five minutes like they tryin to give all of evybody in the whole Bronx a holla or somethin anyway.
Thing is, this NOT your principal speakin.
This. Is. Nessa. And today I didn do nothin.
I’m jus a surge cloud, thas all.
Yeah. I didn’t ever hear of it either till last week when miss wahzerfuck—EXCUSE ME, miss whazerface, said something bout it in science.
I’m passin that one. I even turn in summa the homework and if she don’t pass me, she gonna have to see me in there again nex year, and you know she don’t want that cause Ima surge cloud.
She say it’s this super hot air that comes offa lava. Like outta a volcano. An it jus as deadly as the lava itself. It can kill. Even though it’s invisible it can kill. How you like that? Ha, Yeah. I like that. That is me. Ima get it tattooed.
All I’m sayin is people best watch out. All I’m sayin is if somebody got burnt, not my fault. I didn do nothin. Is just my invisible hotness.
I was jus sittin there, fourth floor hall, where I always be, not standin or stalkin, screamin, playin beats, or
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