obviously,â he said, his face finally relaxing into a genuine smile.
âBut I donât know if I want to upset the natural order of things. I have no problem with the way vampires live. Hell, I already keep your hours. I clearly have no problems with your feeding habits.â I ignored Dickâs grumbling at that comment. âAnd Iâm certainly not interested in having kids.â
âReally?â he asked. âI think youâd make a great mom.â
I laughed. âWhat about me screams âgreat momâ? I like my dry-clean-only clothes and my breakables too much for toddlers,â I told him. âI mean, Iâm not antichild. I like the idea of children. But I spent a very long time trying to meet the needs and expectations of other peopleâpeople who couldnât be pleased, by the way. And now Iâm sort of going through a selfish phase. Healing, but permanent.â
âI can respect that.â
âAnyway, despite all that, Iâm just not sure I want to be a vampire. It seems like a long, lonely road to walk. I suppose Iâll know the moment Iâm faced with the decision to breathe my last or drink from my sire.â
âWell, I hope Iâm there to see that,â he said softly. He paused for a long moment. âIâd like to rephrase that.â
I nodded, sighing as I sank against his side. âIâd be more comfortable if you did.â
âSo, full disclosure, I went through your kitchen drawers looking for medical supplies.â
âOK.â
âAnd I saw the picture.â
I blinked up at him for a long time. âOh . . . Oh.â
Heâd seen the pictureâthe framed four-by-six photo of me wrapped in Mathiasâs long arms, cuddling in his lap while he pontificated on some point in arcane history. Whenever I felt lonely for Mathias, I put that photo out on my coffee table. I didnât use it to remind myself of happy times. I put it out so I could see the look on my faceâthe total, addlepated devotion, the eagerness to please. Meanwhile, Mathiasâs whole body was oriented away from me, focused entirely on the person he was talking to. I might as well have been a potted plant in his lap for all the attention he was paying me. So whenever I felt like I was forgetting my righteous rage, I would stare at it until my spleen felt like it was on fire.
I hadnât needed that sort of aversion therapy in a long time, because I hadnât felt longing for Mathias Northon in a long time. And I hadnât felt the need to bolster myself against vampire relationships. I hadnât even thought about the photo for months.
âIt had his name on the back. I Googled him. Good-looking, professional guy. I could see how breaking up with him would really do a number on you.â
I lifted an eyebrow at the uncertain tone of his voice. Dick never sounded unsure of himself. He was always frighteningly smug when it came to his own merit. It was sort of funny that he was intimidated by Mathias, who was awesome on paper and yet secretly a scumbag, while Dick was so inadequate on paper but sincerely kind in person.
âIt did do a number on me, but I got over it.â
âHow?â
âI had a collection of friends who helped me find a new life. And when I was settled into that new life, some of those friends contacted the IT department at the college where he worked to alert them to some inappropriate material in his browser history. Colleges really frown on that sort of material showing up on their servers, even if the professor in question claims to have no knowledge of how it got there. They particularly frown on it if the material also shows up as part of a PowerPoint presentation heâs giving at a trustees luncheon.â
Dickâs jaw dropped.
âI have very talented friends,â I told him.
âSo I guess thatâs why youâve never mentioned him. There was no
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