Fear by Francine Pascal

Josh for several long, silent seconds. “There will be no more discussion of the counteragent. This experiment will be allowed to run its course.”
    â€œBut—”
    â€œNo matter what the outcome. Is that clear?”
    Josh bit his lips, swallowed, and nodded. “It’s clear, sir.”
    â€œGood,” said Loki. He turned his attention back to Dr. Glenn. “Now, let’s see what you’ve discovered in your autopsies.”
    â€œIt’s quite interesting,” began the doctor.
    Josh waited until Loki and Glenn were involved in studying the reports. Then he slipped to a table on the other side of the room. There was a rack of small vials there, each containing a yellow fluid. He made a quick check to make sure he wasn’t being observed, grabbed one of the vials, and shoved it into his pocket.
    Heather is not going to die.

Subject B
    Observation Day 4
    Subject continues to demonstrate erratic behavior. No period of sleep observed in last 24 hours. Followed subject A for a three-hour period and may have engaged in confrontation (direct observation unavailable). Did not follow normal schedule. Demonstrates increasing disorientation and declining interpersonal skills. Subject momentarily lost after leaving school at unexpected time. Agents working to locate subject.

HEATHER
    You ever get what you always wished for except once you get it you find out it’s not really what you wanted and the wishing was way better than the getting? I am so there.
    Only I’m not sure I wished for this. Not really. All I wanted was to be like Gaia. Okay, maybe not exactly like Gaia. I just wanted to be as tough as Gaia, as strong and carefree as she always seemed. I wanted to know why guys always seemed drawn to her. So, yeah, I wanted to be like her. I wanted to beat her. Maybe be her.
    If you asked me before, I wouldn’t have admitted any of those things. I’d have been embarrassed. Afraid.
    See, I don’t do the fear thing these days. I’m there. I’m fearless.
    Except it’s not quite working out the way I expected.
    At first it was cool. As soon as they gave me the injection, I could feel the difference. There was this sound. A rushing sound. Like something big was coming toward me from a long way off. Coming really fast.
    And then it hit me. Bam. The world changed. It was like this big sheet of soggy gray stuff got lifted right off my mind. Like I had been wearing sunglasses all my life and didn’t even know how bright the world could be until they were taken away.
    This guy put a gun right to my head and threatened to shoot me. I wasn’t scared. I didn’t even care.
    I remember running out of that place and dancing down the street. I walked through Central Park in the middle of the night. I crossed every street without even looking at the traffic. I. . . I did other things. I’m just not too sure what they were.
    That was the first problem. I started forgetting things. Something would happen, and it might even seem pretty important at the time. Then it was gone. I can hold on to bits and pieces of it. Here’s a guy at some club. Here’s some of my friends at school. Here’s somebody screaming. Here’s somebody else screaming. I remember a lot of screaming.
    But putting it all together is hard. It’s like all my memories are beads on some necklace and I’ve broken the string. Memories keep rolling under the couch and getting lost.
    That gets me to the next problem. I think I’m two people.
    One of those is sitting here saying, “Hey, I just got kicked out of school. I can’t remember anything. My arms and legs are hurting. Sometimes I start shaking all over. Sometimes my eyes go blurry. Sometimes everything kind of falls apart and I go ballistic. I think I should be worried about this.” That’s person number one.
    Only I’m not worried. I don’t worry. I can’t. That’s person number two.