the new arrival as her husband.
Maddie studied Helen with a knowing look. “You haven’t said much about it for quite a while now, but you’re still thinking about having a baby, too, aren’t you?”
Helen nodded. “I had no idea I’d ever feel such a strong maternal yearning, but every time you hand me Jessica Lynn and she looks up at me with those big blue eyes and blows those tiny little bubbles or smiles at me, it makes me realize just how much I’ve missed in my life.”
“And?” Maddie prodded. “Did you ever follow through and talk to a doctor about whether your high blood pressure presents too much of a risk? When you didn’t mention it, Dana Sue and I figured that you’d dropped the whole idea.”
“To be honest, I’m a little surprised you haven’t pestered me about it long before now,” Helen said. “You’re usually not that hesitant to poke about in my life.”
“This is one of those decisions that’s yours to make. Neither of us wanted to sway you one way or another. So, did you follow through or not?”
Helen wasn’t sure why she’d kept those doctor visits a secret, but when confronted with a direct question, she saw no reason to lie. “I’ve seen two high-risk pregnancy experts,” she admitted. “Both of them have said that if I promised to take extremely good care of myself and stayin bed at the first sign of blood pressure problems, I could go ahead with a pregnancy.”
Maddie’s brows drew together. “Then why do you look so unhappy? Isn’t that exactly the news you were hoping for?”
Helen nodded. “Then I bumped straight into reality. Getting pregnant isn’t the slam dunk I thought it would be. I mean, some women get pregnant just by going to bed with somebody once, but somehow I don’t see myself going out and having some casual fling, hoping to get a baby out of it.”
Maddie smiled. “Yes, I imagine you’d want to know the man’s entire medical history and his pedigree, which pretty much rules out the whole casual thing.”
Helen frowned at her because the remark hit a little too close to the truth. “My point is that this should mean something, you know? I can’t imagine telling my son or daughter someday that I met their dad in a bar and never saw him again.”
“Okay. What about artificial insemination?”
“I’ve thought about it,” Helen said. “Even did some research on fertility clinics that do the procedure. There are very reputable ones. I could either bring in a donor or use one of their anonymous ones.” She struggled to put her feelings into words. “It just seems so, I don’t know, artificial . To be honest,” Helen went on, “my reaction threw me. You know me. I take charge. I don’t think I need anybody for anything, but the idea of having a baby that way seemed too cold and impersonal.”
“So you’ve just given up?” Maddie asked, clearly surprised.
“No,” Helen protested. “I’ve just taken a step back. I’ve been thinking about it.”
“Making lists?” Maddie asked.
“Yes, I’ve made lists,” Helen replied. “If more people did that, they’d make fewer mistakes.”
“Whoa!” Maddie said. “On any level whatsoever, do you see having a child of your own as a mistake?”
Helen winced at the heat in Maddie’s voice. “Don’t say it like that. I told you that getting pregnant was only one of my concerns. What if I’m too selfish, too self-absorbed, too busy to be a really good mom?”
“Ah, so that’s it,” Maddie said. “Self-doubts plague just about everyone contemplating having a baby for the first time. You’re not unique.”
“I’m trying to be responsible,” Helen said defensively. “I’m older. I’m alone. Is that going to be the best thing for a child? By the time my child’s in kindergarten, the other kids will have grandmas my age.”
“You’re exaggerating,” Maddie said.
“Only a little bit.”
“Do you want to know what I think?” Maddie asked, then went on without
Maddie studied Helen with a knowing look. “You haven’t said much about it for quite a while now, but you’re still thinking about having a baby, too, aren’t you?”
Helen nodded. “I had no idea I’d ever feel such a strong maternal yearning, but every time you hand me Jessica Lynn and she looks up at me with those big blue eyes and blows those tiny little bubbles or smiles at me, it makes me realize just how much I’ve missed in my life.”
“And?” Maddie prodded. “Did you ever follow through and talk to a doctor about whether your high blood pressure presents too much of a risk? When you didn’t mention it, Dana Sue and I figured that you’d dropped the whole idea.”
“To be honest, I’m a little surprised you haven’t pestered me about it long before now,” Helen said. “You’re usually not that hesitant to poke about in my life.”
“This is one of those decisions that’s yours to make. Neither of us wanted to sway you one way or another. So, did you follow through or not?”
Helen wasn’t sure why she’d kept those doctor visits a secret, but when confronted with a direct question, she saw no reason to lie. “I’ve seen two high-risk pregnancy experts,” she admitted. “Both of them have said that if I promised to take extremely good care of myself and stayin bed at the first sign of blood pressure problems, I could go ahead with a pregnancy.”
Maddie’s brows drew together. “Then why do you look so unhappy? Isn’t that exactly the news you were hoping for?”
Helen nodded. “Then I bumped straight into reality. Getting pregnant isn’t the slam dunk I thought it would be. I mean, some women get pregnant just by going to bed with somebody once, but somehow I don’t see myself going out and having some casual fling, hoping to get a baby out of it.”
Maddie smiled. “Yes, I imagine you’d want to know the man’s entire medical history and his pedigree, which pretty much rules out the whole casual thing.”
Helen frowned at her because the remark hit a little too close to the truth. “My point is that this should mean something, you know? I can’t imagine telling my son or daughter someday that I met their dad in a bar and never saw him again.”
“Okay. What about artificial insemination?”
“I’ve thought about it,” Helen said. “Even did some research on fertility clinics that do the procedure. There are very reputable ones. I could either bring in a donor or use one of their anonymous ones.” She struggled to put her feelings into words. “It just seems so, I don’t know, artificial . To be honest,” Helen went on, “my reaction threw me. You know me. I take charge. I don’t think I need anybody for anything, but the idea of having a baby that way seemed too cold and impersonal.”
“So you’ve just given up?” Maddie asked, clearly surprised.
“No,” Helen protested. “I’ve just taken a step back. I’ve been thinking about it.”
“Making lists?” Maddie asked.
“Yes, I’ve made lists,” Helen replied. “If more people did that, they’d make fewer mistakes.”
“Whoa!” Maddie said. “On any level whatsoever, do you see having a child of your own as a mistake?”
Helen winced at the heat in Maddie’s voice. “Don’t say it like that. I told you that getting pregnant was only one of my concerns. What if I’m too selfish, too self-absorbed, too busy to be a really good mom?”
“Ah, so that’s it,” Maddie said. “Self-doubts plague just about everyone contemplating having a baby for the first time. You’re not unique.”
“I’m trying to be responsible,” Helen said defensively. “I’m older. I’m alone. Is that going to be the best thing for a child? By the time my child’s in kindergarten, the other kids will have grandmas my age.”
“You’re exaggerating,” Maddie said.
“Only a little bit.”
“Do you want to know what I think?” Maddie asked, then went on without
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