Paul."
I chewed on the inside of my lip and said nothing.
"Brian and Lil are just worried sick."
It all clicked into place. Of course. He knew Brian. He would know all about me. “Brian's a good guy. I doubt Lil worries about me any more than beyond my bad influence on his lover.” I had to give Lil credit, though. He was a lot more charitable about Brian's concern for me than I was about putting up with him.
A chuckle from the front seat startled me into drawing my gaze from the guard rail posts flinging past and back to the mirror. “You have no idea. Lil's been through shit. He knows bad times. He'd do for you even if Brian didn't ask, because he's been there.” Vic's deep brown eyes met mine again. “He and his brother, they had a lot in common.” He left the explanation dangling a moment as he pulled into the police station and around back, then shut off the engine. “Nothing hurts worse than making those mistakes, losing everything, and just when you think you're going to get back what's most important, having it torn away like what happened to him. He wouldn't sit back and watch it happen to someone else."
I nodded, understanding. Lil would do for me what he had to in order to protect Brian, to keep him from the pain of losing a brother, because essentially, blood or not, that's what we were to each other.
"I have to take you in now."
Like that. The fear slammed back into my gut, and I felt the blood drain from my face. “Please don't do this.” Every nightmare Carl had visited on me screamed along my nerves at the thought of being surrounded by a dozen like him. “I don't know how...I didn't...I was at Brian's all night. On his couch. I—"
Vic pursed his lips, got out of the car, and came round to open my door.
I didn't move.
"Paul.” He said my name so softly. It almost sounded reassuring, and I looked up at him, squinting at the morning sun grinding into my eyes over his shoulder. He glanced around as though looking to see if anyone was watching, then he crouched down. “Will you trust me?"
I had a hard time keeping the dizzying panic away. I just stared at him.
"I am not going to let anything happen to you."
"Why would you even care? You don't know me."
He smiled, a self-deprecating expression, and dropped his gaze for a fraction of a second. “I'm in over my head here, Paul. I know you didn't do anything. I know it like I know my own name. I would and I will stake my reputation as a good cop on it, but I cannot ignore the law. If I do, I lose all the power I have to help you."
"No one in there is going to believe me."
Vic bit his lip, his face going grim enough to be an answer without his next words. “No. They want a perp. At this point, it doesn't matter who. Jason was a good cop, a good man, and he's been dead months. Having no leads is making them desperate and furious. They figure they've got their first break and they'll be hard to convince it isn't the right one."
"You were his partner. Why do you believe me?"
Again, that quirk of a smile, directed at some shortcoming of his own I wasn't seeing, crossed his face. “Because I...fell."
"Fell?"
He shook his head. “The night after Jason died, I went back to The Anchor. Don't even know why. To try and find what we missed, maybe. It was my first mistake. I was supposed to stay away, stay out of the investigation."
"He was your partner."
"Which is why I should have stayed away.” He lifted his gaze, and this time, there was no mistaking that he was not talking to me as a cop now.
I could have tumbled into those eyes, cuffs and all, and never come out.
"I saw you there, Paul. With Carl. I don't know what it was. Something he said, some way he looked at you, or you looked at him. Something. I don't know, but it got my hackles up. When you went to the bathroom at one point, he slipped out the back door, and I followed him. He was standing in the alley, just inside the crime tape, staring at the spot we found Jason's body. He
I chewed on the inside of my lip and said nothing.
"Brian and Lil are just worried sick."
It all clicked into place. Of course. He knew Brian. He would know all about me. “Brian's a good guy. I doubt Lil worries about me any more than beyond my bad influence on his lover.” I had to give Lil credit, though. He was a lot more charitable about Brian's concern for me than I was about putting up with him.
A chuckle from the front seat startled me into drawing my gaze from the guard rail posts flinging past and back to the mirror. “You have no idea. Lil's been through shit. He knows bad times. He'd do for you even if Brian didn't ask, because he's been there.” Vic's deep brown eyes met mine again. “He and his brother, they had a lot in common.” He left the explanation dangling a moment as he pulled into the police station and around back, then shut off the engine. “Nothing hurts worse than making those mistakes, losing everything, and just when you think you're going to get back what's most important, having it torn away like what happened to him. He wouldn't sit back and watch it happen to someone else."
I nodded, understanding. Lil would do for me what he had to in order to protect Brian, to keep him from the pain of losing a brother, because essentially, blood or not, that's what we were to each other.
"I have to take you in now."
Like that. The fear slammed back into my gut, and I felt the blood drain from my face. “Please don't do this.” Every nightmare Carl had visited on me screamed along my nerves at the thought of being surrounded by a dozen like him. “I don't know how...I didn't...I was at Brian's all night. On his couch. I—"
Vic pursed his lips, got out of the car, and came round to open my door.
I didn't move.
"Paul.” He said my name so softly. It almost sounded reassuring, and I looked up at him, squinting at the morning sun grinding into my eyes over his shoulder. He glanced around as though looking to see if anyone was watching, then he crouched down. “Will you trust me?"
I had a hard time keeping the dizzying panic away. I just stared at him.
"I am not going to let anything happen to you."
"Why would you even care? You don't know me."
He smiled, a self-deprecating expression, and dropped his gaze for a fraction of a second. “I'm in over my head here, Paul. I know you didn't do anything. I know it like I know my own name. I would and I will stake my reputation as a good cop on it, but I cannot ignore the law. If I do, I lose all the power I have to help you."
"No one in there is going to believe me."
Vic bit his lip, his face going grim enough to be an answer without his next words. “No. They want a perp. At this point, it doesn't matter who. Jason was a good cop, a good man, and he's been dead months. Having no leads is making them desperate and furious. They figure they've got their first break and they'll be hard to convince it isn't the right one."
"You were his partner. Why do you believe me?"
Again, that quirk of a smile, directed at some shortcoming of his own I wasn't seeing, crossed his face. “Because I...fell."
"Fell?"
He shook his head. “The night after Jason died, I went back to The Anchor. Don't even know why. To try and find what we missed, maybe. It was my first mistake. I was supposed to stay away, stay out of the investigation."
"He was your partner."
"Which is why I should have stayed away.” He lifted his gaze, and this time, there was no mistaking that he was not talking to me as a cop now.
I could have tumbled into those eyes, cuffs and all, and never come out.
"I saw you there, Paul. With Carl. I don't know what it was. Something he said, some way he looked at you, or you looked at him. Something. I don't know, but it got my hackles up. When you went to the bathroom at one point, he slipped out the back door, and I followed him. He was standing in the alley, just inside the crime tape, staring at the spot we found Jason's body. He
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