arrangements.’
‘That’s bloody marvellous. Did you hear that, Bella?’ He opened the door wider and shouted into the room. ‘Peter says she’s on her way.’
‘Thank Christ for that,’ was my mother’s reply.
He disappeared behind the door and the light in their bedroom was switched out.
Candy followed me into the kitchen.
‘Is she really on her way?’ Joe asked, handing me a mug of hot tea. ‘She didn’t seem too sure to me.’
‘She’s making the arrangements,’ I told him. ‘She’s going to see what she can do.’
‘Now that’s not good enough, Peter. It’s just not good enough. Somebody has definitely got to get over here because time’s running out and a lot of decisions will have to
be made. Gloria should be in a nursing home. We all know that, and yet we can’t take her anywhere unless she herself decides to go. You’ll have to persuade her, Peter. You’ll have
to go up to her room and talk her round. It will be the best thing for Gloria, and for you, and for me mam and everybody. Gloria is dying. The woman is dying. Do you understand? She’s about
to go into a coma.’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I understand.’
Everything Joe said made sense but I just felt completely numb. I couldn’t be practical. I couldn’t change the situation. I just wanted it to go away. Gloria was dying; I
didn’t want her to, but there was nothing I could do.
‘She’s getting worse, Peter,’ Jessie said when she joined us in the kitchen. ‘Ever since the doctor was here she’s deteriorated. I think that she knows. She’s
gone very quiet. She’s hardly spoke. She just looks at you, waits and wants to be burped. I think she’s frightened.’
‘Have you been with her all evening?’ I asked.
‘A lot of the time,’ Jessie answered. ‘We all have. She can’t be left alone. She’s got to have someone with her every minute. Just in case, well, you know, just in
case.’
‘I’ll go up to her now,’ I said. ‘I’ll stay with her the night.’
‘No, you don’t have to do that,’ Joe said. ‘Me and Jessie are staying tonight to help out.’
‘Yes, we’ve worked it all out, Peter. We’re to spend turns apiece. If you go now, I’ll take over from you, Joe will take over from me and your mother will go in to her in
the morning. That way she won’t be left alone and we’ll all get a bit of sleep.’
Gloria looked impassive and remote. Her hair had been brushed out of its plaits, accidentally leaving a flick and a wave over one eye, a style I’d often seen her try to
create. She closed her eyes and turned her head towards the wall, then sighed. ‘The light,’ she said. ‘It’s bright.’
I put the lamp on the floor and covered the top of the shade so that the light was only dim.
‘I’ll go out and buy a pink bulb tomorrow,’ I thought. I knew that’s what she’d like.
I moved away to sit on the other bed.
It was strange and yet familiar to be lying together in a darkened room, silent, both thinking. When I got cold I pulled the blanket up around me and put my head against the pillows. It was an
uneasy comfort that I felt.
‘Do you want anything?’ I asked.
‘Yes,’ she replied. ‘The light. I want you to put it out.’
For a while we were in total blackness but when the curtains were lit up by the moon passing from behind a cloud, my eyes got used to the dark and I could see her clearly. Her eyes were open.
She was concentrating hard. She looked determined.
The shape of the window was reflected on the door but at an angle which made it look bigger. Nothing was in perspective. The branches of the tree that leant towards the house made shadows on the
walls and on the ceiling. When I traced each shadow carefully I saw pictures in the shapes. It must have been a picture that led me into a dream.
The singing woke me up; the sound of a girl’s voice, sweet and appealing, was coming from the room above.
Poor wand’ring one! Tho’ thou hast surely
‘That’s bloody marvellous. Did you hear that, Bella?’ He opened the door wider and shouted into the room. ‘Peter says she’s on her way.’
‘Thank Christ for that,’ was my mother’s reply.
He disappeared behind the door and the light in their bedroom was switched out.
Candy followed me into the kitchen.
‘Is she really on her way?’ Joe asked, handing me a mug of hot tea. ‘She didn’t seem too sure to me.’
‘She’s making the arrangements,’ I told him. ‘She’s going to see what she can do.’
‘Now that’s not good enough, Peter. It’s just not good enough. Somebody has definitely got to get over here because time’s running out and a lot of decisions will have to
be made. Gloria should be in a nursing home. We all know that, and yet we can’t take her anywhere unless she herself decides to go. You’ll have to persuade her, Peter. You’ll have
to go up to her room and talk her round. It will be the best thing for Gloria, and for you, and for me mam and everybody. Gloria is dying. The woman is dying. Do you understand? She’s about
to go into a coma.’
‘Yes,’ I said. ‘I understand.’
Everything Joe said made sense but I just felt completely numb. I couldn’t be practical. I couldn’t change the situation. I just wanted it to go away. Gloria was dying; I
didn’t want her to, but there was nothing I could do.
‘She’s getting worse, Peter,’ Jessie said when she joined us in the kitchen. ‘Ever since the doctor was here she’s deteriorated. I think that she knows. She’s
gone very quiet. She’s hardly spoke. She just looks at you, waits and wants to be burped. I think she’s frightened.’
‘Have you been with her all evening?’ I asked.
‘A lot of the time,’ Jessie answered. ‘We all have. She can’t be left alone. She’s got to have someone with her every minute. Just in case, well, you know, just in
case.’
‘I’ll go up to her now,’ I said. ‘I’ll stay with her the night.’
‘No, you don’t have to do that,’ Joe said. ‘Me and Jessie are staying tonight to help out.’
‘Yes, we’ve worked it all out, Peter. We’re to spend turns apiece. If you go now, I’ll take over from you, Joe will take over from me and your mother will go in to her in
the morning. That way she won’t be left alone and we’ll all get a bit of sleep.’
Gloria looked impassive and remote. Her hair had been brushed out of its plaits, accidentally leaving a flick and a wave over one eye, a style I’d often seen her try to
create. She closed her eyes and turned her head towards the wall, then sighed. ‘The light,’ she said. ‘It’s bright.’
I put the lamp on the floor and covered the top of the shade so that the light was only dim.
‘I’ll go out and buy a pink bulb tomorrow,’ I thought. I knew that’s what she’d like.
I moved away to sit on the other bed.
It was strange and yet familiar to be lying together in a darkened room, silent, both thinking. When I got cold I pulled the blanket up around me and put my head against the pillows. It was an
uneasy comfort that I felt.
‘Do you want anything?’ I asked.
‘Yes,’ she replied. ‘The light. I want you to put it out.’
For a while we were in total blackness but when the curtains were lit up by the moon passing from behind a cloud, my eyes got used to the dark and I could see her clearly. Her eyes were open.
She was concentrating hard. She looked determined.
The shape of the window was reflected on the door but at an angle which made it look bigger. Nothing was in perspective. The branches of the tree that leant towards the house made shadows on the
walls and on the ceiling. When I traced each shadow carefully I saw pictures in the shapes. It must have been a picture that led me into a dream.
The singing woke me up; the sound of a girl’s voice, sweet and appealing, was coming from the room above.
Poor wand’ring one! Tho’ thou hast surely
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