Floundering by Romy Ash Page A

bar. I get a feeling that’s nothing I have ever felt. My face reddens and I guess this must be shame, or something there isn’t a name for.
    Mum, Jordy says. She doesn’t pause in her dance, her dress floating around her legs. He says it again, Mum. The men are looking at us now, all in their line. One of them nudges another who turns his face and his beer towards us. They all look a little bit the same, not like they’re related, but that working the same jobs in the same sun has given them all the same hard faces. One of them adjusts his crotch, another laughs into his beer at us. If the floor opened up and inside the hole were poisonous snakes, I’d step into the hole and hope the ground closed over the top of me.
    Loretta, Jordy says louder.
    She opens her eyes, stops dancing. Walks over to us as if we are the only ones in the room. She puts her hands on my shoulders.
    What’s up? she says and then looks up at Jordy too.
    I can smell the booze on her breath, but I feel better with her there close. You guys want to go?
    What do you reckon? says Jordy.
    Alright, she says, like it’s nothing.
    She stands up and twirls around. Jordy steps backwards, pulling me back with him. He doesn’t open the pub door,waits for her. She stands in the middle of the room, missing something. The men at the bar holler at her but she ignores them. She walks to a table, picks up her bag and heads for the door.
    You kids shouldn’t be in here, one of the men yells.
    I look down, make sure not to look up at them. The floor is carpet, and it’s trodden down in a worn line from the door to the bar. I step away. I don’t want to be standing on their dirty path.
    Loretta leans over us and opens the door. Out, she says.
    Nice arse, I hear called from the bar and laughter dies as the door closes. Out in the street it smells of the ocean. I inhale great big breaths. Jordy’s already in the car.
    I look up at Loretta and her face is real different to when we were inside. In the pub she looked serene, her face blank. Out here she looks craggy, older than she is by a million years. She stumbles as she walks, opens the front door of Bert and falls into the seat. I get in the back.
    She’s got a cigarette clamped between her lips and she’s flicking her lighter, but it’s only sparking, no flame.
    Shit, she says, shit. Jordy leans over the gearstick, takes the lighter from her hand and just like that, makes a flame. She leans in.
    Thanks, she says. She fiddles with the bangles on her arm. Jordy throws the lighter to the floor.
    I got these for you, she says. She reaches deep within her bag and pulls out two Violet Crumbles. She throws us one each.
    I got them for you, she says as if she’s forgotten she’s already said it. She takes a long drag of her cigarette.
    We got a long way to go tonight, she says and revs Bert. Let’s hit the road, Jack, she says.
    I know she’s drunk, but I want to leave so bad I don’t care about the ad where everyone dies. We drive out of the town.

    I bite through the chocolate and let my saliva melt the honeycomb. I look out at the night and a tear surprises me, just one, slipping down my cheek. I eat the chocolate bar very slowly. Loretta is driving fast. Every now and then she loses the road and drives onto gravel, but she always swerves back. I can just hear Jordy snoring in the front.
    Loretta, I say.
    Yes.
    Are you awake?
    Well, I’m driving, aren’t I?
    Yeah.
    Well, I’m awake.
    Are we going to stop soon?
    I wanna find somewhere nice to stop, I haven’t found anywhere nice.
    It’s dark.
    Yeah, it is.
    How will you know if it’s a nice place?
    We’ll be able to smell the ocean again.
    I open the window and all I can smell is dust.
    But we’ve been driving for ages.
    I know honey bunch, but we’re on a road trip. This is what you do on a road trip. Keep talking, she says. Keep me awake.
    My mind goes empty. I can’t think of anything to say. Bugs splatter against the windscreen. I hear their