to embrace the sweet oblivion of slumber, her mind flashed on Julian and what he might think when he heard of her engagement.
Oh! Awful, selfish girl! she reproached herself, vaulting back to the grimness of reality. So consumed was she with self-pity, that she hadn’t stopped to consider him. Now that she did, she wanted to weep with despair.
Her poor, poor darling. Surely he wouldn’t think that she willingly married Lyndhurst, would he?
Of course not, she told herself firmly. He had only to reread any one of the dozen notes she’d written him to know just how much she adored him. No. He could never believe she’d played him false. Unless …
Unless in his hurt he chose to push aside the evidence of her love and judge her a heartless jilt.
A cold rush of panic washed through her at that thought. It could happen, especially in light of the fact that he’d had his heart broken by such a woman just last Season.
Her panic deepened as she remembered his agonized tone as he confessed the affair. He’d told her of it the day he declared his love, saying that he wanted her to understand the depth of his feelings that he would risk as he did being hurt again. And he had been hurt. So badly, in fact, that he broke down halfway through his tale, weeping and begging her to never forsake him. She meant everything to him, he sobbed, more than life itself. Moved to tears herself, she’d taken him in her arms and sworn her undying love.
Remembering the tender scene made her eyes well up all over again. Oh! She simply had to see her beloved and reassure him of the steadfastness of her vows … before he heard of her engagement and suffered more pain. Once she expressed her anguish at her upcoming marriage, he would …
Why, he would refuse to let her wed Lyndhurst. Sophie clasped her hands in a sudden burst of excitement. Hadn’t he told her time and again that he adored her beyond everything, that he would do anything for their love? That being as it was, he would probably insist that they elope to Gretna Green.
For one fleeting yet marvelous moment, she envisioned their flight across the border, thrilling at the romance of the adventure. Then she remembered her debts, and the dream vanished. Whatever would he say when she told him of them?
Briefly she pondered the problem, then dismissed it with a smile. The way he worshiped her, he’d never let a thing like money stand in the way of their happiness. Besides, her debt wasn’t so very large. Edgar had said that it was only fifteen thousand pounds. Well, fifteen thousand, two hundred and sixty-three to be exact. Not an impossible sum by any means. No doubt Julian could discharge it readily enough. If not the full amount, surely enough to satisfy her creditors until he could pay the balance from his ten thousand a year.
And if clearing her debt left them unable to afford the pleasures of Town? She pushed the cloth from her brow and sat up, her headache vanishing with her renewed optimism. With Julian by her side, she would gladly rusticate in the country … forever if necessary. No doubt he shared her feelings.
Her only problem now was seeing him before he heard of her upcoming marriage. And she must see him. A note simply wouldn’t do. She could never adequately plea her case or convey the true depth of her feelings for him in writing.
Bending her knees to her chest to rest her chin upon them, Sophie contemplated her problem. Waiting to see him at the Seabright’s rout tonight was out of the question. By then the news would be all over England, and he would most certainly be too devastated to attend.
Absently she rubbed the bridge of her nose, searching for another option. Well, there was always Hyde Park. Like all young bucks, he rode along Rotten Row every afternoon at five o’ clock. Perhaps she could speak to him there.
She considered the plan for a moment, then flopped back onto her pillows with a sigh of frustration. No. That would never do. Even if it
Oh! Awful, selfish girl! she reproached herself, vaulting back to the grimness of reality. So consumed was she with self-pity, that she hadn’t stopped to consider him. Now that she did, she wanted to weep with despair.
Her poor, poor darling. Surely he wouldn’t think that she willingly married Lyndhurst, would he?
Of course not, she told herself firmly. He had only to reread any one of the dozen notes she’d written him to know just how much she adored him. No. He could never believe she’d played him false. Unless …
Unless in his hurt he chose to push aside the evidence of her love and judge her a heartless jilt.
A cold rush of panic washed through her at that thought. It could happen, especially in light of the fact that he’d had his heart broken by such a woman just last Season.
Her panic deepened as she remembered his agonized tone as he confessed the affair. He’d told her of it the day he declared his love, saying that he wanted her to understand the depth of his feelings that he would risk as he did being hurt again. And he had been hurt. So badly, in fact, that he broke down halfway through his tale, weeping and begging her to never forsake him. She meant everything to him, he sobbed, more than life itself. Moved to tears herself, she’d taken him in her arms and sworn her undying love.
Remembering the tender scene made her eyes well up all over again. Oh! She simply had to see her beloved and reassure him of the steadfastness of her vows … before he heard of her engagement and suffered more pain. Once she expressed her anguish at her upcoming marriage, he would …
Why, he would refuse to let her wed Lyndhurst. Sophie clasped her hands in a sudden burst of excitement. Hadn’t he told her time and again that he adored her beyond everything, that he would do anything for their love? That being as it was, he would probably insist that they elope to Gretna Green.
For one fleeting yet marvelous moment, she envisioned their flight across the border, thrilling at the romance of the adventure. Then she remembered her debts, and the dream vanished. Whatever would he say when she told him of them?
Briefly she pondered the problem, then dismissed it with a smile. The way he worshiped her, he’d never let a thing like money stand in the way of their happiness. Besides, her debt wasn’t so very large. Edgar had said that it was only fifteen thousand pounds. Well, fifteen thousand, two hundred and sixty-three to be exact. Not an impossible sum by any means. No doubt Julian could discharge it readily enough. If not the full amount, surely enough to satisfy her creditors until he could pay the balance from his ten thousand a year.
And if clearing her debt left them unable to afford the pleasures of Town? She pushed the cloth from her brow and sat up, her headache vanishing with her renewed optimism. With Julian by her side, she would gladly rusticate in the country … forever if necessary. No doubt he shared her feelings.
Her only problem now was seeing him before he heard of her upcoming marriage. And she must see him. A note simply wouldn’t do. She could never adequately plea her case or convey the true depth of her feelings for him in writing.
Bending her knees to her chest to rest her chin upon them, Sophie contemplated her problem. Waiting to see him at the Seabright’s rout tonight was out of the question. By then the news would be all over England, and he would most certainly be too devastated to attend.
Absently she rubbed the bridge of her nose, searching for another option. Well, there was always Hyde Park. Like all young bucks, he rode along Rotten Row every afternoon at five o’ clock. Perhaps she could speak to him there.
She considered the plan for a moment, then flopped back onto her pillows with a sigh of frustration. No. That would never do. Even if it
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