For Frying Out Loud by Fay Jacobs Page A

Rehoboth if you want to know more.
    I do.

November 2007
    TUNE IN FOR THE FRY BABIES
    Since this is the last edition of Letters from CAMP Rehoboth for 2007 (where the hell DOES the time fly to?) I feel it’s fitting to reflect on the year with some awards. Heck, everybody else does it. Whoopi and Hugh Jackman are booked so I’m presenting the awards myself. I promise to change t-shirts at least three times. The awards, in keeping with my literary theme, are the Fry Babies , for the things that got me frying in 2007.
    Hope you don’t mind, but I’ve cut the tacky opening production number (which had the cast of Hairspray singing and dancing “Come Fry with Me,”) so we can get right down to business.
    The envelopes, please.
    The Best Tap Dance Award goes to Senator Larry Craig of Idaho, for his airport bathroom production number, playing footsie with a cop and proving, once again, that the most rabid anti-gay legislators are often found cowering in the closet but having sex in public. And Larry, you got additional points for suggesting that your foot wandered into the next stall so you could retrieve a fallen piece of toilet paper. That’s just disgusting. Go wash your hands and wash your mouth out while you are at it. I don’t know where it’s been, but I can imagine.
    Similarly, the Do As I Say, Not as I Do Award goes to the dishonorable GOP Senator David Vitter for admitting he patronized DC area prostitutes as well as working girls in his home district down South. As another legislator who regularly rants against gay marriage, methinks he’s the one who is single-handedly (who knows, he may have used two hands) defiling the sanctity of marriage.
    The J. Edgar Hoover Red Dress Award goes to Presidential Candidate Rudy Giuliani who has disavowed all support for his gay friends and their equal rights. I guess he’s forgotten just how many unattractive photos of himself in draghave been printed in New York newspapers over the years. Now I’m not intimating that Rudy is, in any way, gay. Only a straight man could enrage two ex-wives with his serial divorce antics. (Oh, wait, I’m forgetting about New Jersey’s ex-Governor McGreevy…) Well, Rudy ain’t gay. But he sure loves to play dress up.
    The Three Ring Circus Award for Homeland Security to Ft. Lauderdale Airport staff for clearing a man through security and onto an airplane with a monkey smuggled under his hat. The flight attendant discovered the Marmoset sitting on the back of a seat when she came through to offer it a complimentary beverage. The security folks must have been busy looking for Republicans tap dancing in the bathrooms.
    The Things Go Better with Coke Award to Lindsay Lohan, representing all the starlets who are trashing their reputations and blowing through their careers (no pun intended) when other deserving actors who would value their reputations don’t get a shot. Just because she starred in Herbie Fully Loaded doesn’t mean she has to walk around that way. The woman actually entered rehab as a PR stunt. Didn’t she get the Anna Nicole memo?
    The Road to Hell Award to DelDOT for consciously but unconscionably starting Rehoboth’s Route One construction in August so they could be finished by June. What were they thinking??? Around here, August is worth two Junes. There are people who set out for the beach in August who are living in Smyrna now because that’s as close as they could get.
    The Unabomber Anti-Technology Luddite Award to Delaware’s Sussex County Council for not encouraging homeowners to conserve energy by installing windmills in their blustery back yards. Energy-saving companies are partnering with energy conscious homeowners and their requests to install residential windmills have been turned down. It happened to my neighbors and we’re going to be next. There’s so much hot air in my backyard you’d think I’d been pontificating on the