me.
“You used to do that with her.”
I nod, tears pricking my eyes. “She was just that little not so long ago, Grady. What the hell happened?”
“I know,” he sighs. “Caden’s feet are bigger than mine. In my mind he’s still Noah’s age.” We both look over at our nephew, who’s charging across the lawn, a tiny Disney princess hot on his heels. Noah squeals and throws his head back in delighted laughter when she catches him and wrestles him to the ground.
“At least Chloe still talks to you.” I’ve never confessed my issues with Chloe to Grady, but he must know, because he looks at me sympathetically.
“She’s going through a tough stage,” he admits. “She isn’t all sweetness and light with me all the time, either. But it’s good to see her that way with these guys.”
“Yeah, it really is,” I agree.
Beautiful autumn days always make me unspeakably melancholy. Some of the best times of my childhood and early adult years happened in the fall, and I’m reminded of the passing of too many seasons, not all of them happy. I long for less complicated times, when every bit of joy wasn’t tinged with some sort of loss. So when Grady speaks again, I’m already cracking.
“Thank you, Cass.”
I shrug it off. “Renée needed a break, and you couldn’t have taken all the kids alone.”
“I meant—”
I interrupt him again. “Your family is my family. I wasn’t going to stay in Cleveland while you were out here alone dealing with this.”
He nods, and he’s quiet for a minute before he speaks again. “I appreciate that. But I meant thank you for Chloe and Caden. We have the best kids in the world, and I know I helped, but it was mostly you.”
I’m stunned by such a heartfelt admission from him.
“All those years when they were little...” His voice catches and he looks away. I’m grateful he does, because when he speaks next the gruffness in his voice makes something inside my chest squeeze. “Thank you for being such an amazing mother to our babies, Cass,” he say softly.
I lose it. Without a word, without looking back at him, I leap from the blanket and fly across the lawn, pretending I’ve got to get Noah, so Grady can’t see the tears welling in my eyes and threatening to spill down my face.
Grady
We had a good day today. Thank God Cassie came with us - I forgot how much work little kids are. Even though Chloe and Caden were a big help, I’ve never taken three little kids anywhere in my life, and it was an eye-opener. The energy and the noise - wow . But Renée’s obvious relief was worth it, and knowing my brother would give anything to have been there in my place, to have one more day with his kids, gave me some perspective.
Cassie was a champ. She had all those children in line, every minute, all day long. I was so proud of the way she handled everything with absolute grace. Completely unflappable. So much calmer than she was when our kids were smaller.
Because she’s happy now.
I swallow back my guilt and catalog, for the millionth time, all the things I could’ve done differently to keep her. Stopped drinking. Played fewer shows. Taken the kids places without her. Changed more diapers. Made the coffee more mornings. Told her I loved her every single day. Allowed her to sleep in now and then. Pestered her for sex less. (Okay. Maybe not less . Maybe just pestered her for sex at better times.)
I didn’t realize how hard it would be to spend time with her. I can push down the emotional stuff, but I’m only human and she’s gorgeous. I feel like a complete perv for lusting after her after the nice day we just had. She’s not mine to lust after, but it isn’t any easier to be around her now and not have her than it was when we were kids and she was the sexy, unattainable senior with a boyfriend and I was just some friend of a friend who had to work hard to find an in.
Somehow I hoped that it would be different once I actually spent time with her,
“You used to do that with her.”
I nod, tears pricking my eyes. “She was just that little not so long ago, Grady. What the hell happened?”
“I know,” he sighs. “Caden’s feet are bigger than mine. In my mind he’s still Noah’s age.” We both look over at our nephew, who’s charging across the lawn, a tiny Disney princess hot on his heels. Noah squeals and throws his head back in delighted laughter when she catches him and wrestles him to the ground.
“At least Chloe still talks to you.” I’ve never confessed my issues with Chloe to Grady, but he must know, because he looks at me sympathetically.
“She’s going through a tough stage,” he admits. “She isn’t all sweetness and light with me all the time, either. But it’s good to see her that way with these guys.”
“Yeah, it really is,” I agree.
Beautiful autumn days always make me unspeakably melancholy. Some of the best times of my childhood and early adult years happened in the fall, and I’m reminded of the passing of too many seasons, not all of them happy. I long for less complicated times, when every bit of joy wasn’t tinged with some sort of loss. So when Grady speaks again, I’m already cracking.
“Thank you, Cass.”
I shrug it off. “Renée needed a break, and you couldn’t have taken all the kids alone.”
“I meant—”
I interrupt him again. “Your family is my family. I wasn’t going to stay in Cleveland while you were out here alone dealing with this.”
He nods, and he’s quiet for a minute before he speaks again. “I appreciate that. But I meant thank you for Chloe and Caden. We have the best kids in the world, and I know I helped, but it was mostly you.”
I’m stunned by such a heartfelt admission from him.
“All those years when they were little...” His voice catches and he looks away. I’m grateful he does, because when he speaks next the gruffness in his voice makes something inside my chest squeeze. “Thank you for being such an amazing mother to our babies, Cass,” he say softly.
I lose it. Without a word, without looking back at him, I leap from the blanket and fly across the lawn, pretending I’ve got to get Noah, so Grady can’t see the tears welling in my eyes and threatening to spill down my face.
Grady
We had a good day today. Thank God Cassie came with us - I forgot how much work little kids are. Even though Chloe and Caden were a big help, I’ve never taken three little kids anywhere in my life, and it was an eye-opener. The energy and the noise - wow . But Renée’s obvious relief was worth it, and knowing my brother would give anything to have been there in my place, to have one more day with his kids, gave me some perspective.
Cassie was a champ. She had all those children in line, every minute, all day long. I was so proud of the way she handled everything with absolute grace. Completely unflappable. So much calmer than she was when our kids were smaller.
Because she’s happy now.
I swallow back my guilt and catalog, for the millionth time, all the things I could’ve done differently to keep her. Stopped drinking. Played fewer shows. Taken the kids places without her. Changed more diapers. Made the coffee more mornings. Told her I loved her every single day. Allowed her to sleep in now and then. Pestered her for sex less. (Okay. Maybe not less . Maybe just pestered her for sex at better times.)
I didn’t realize how hard it would be to spend time with her. I can push down the emotional stuff, but I’m only human and she’s gorgeous. I feel like a complete perv for lusting after her after the nice day we just had. She’s not mine to lust after, but it isn’t any easier to be around her now and not have her than it was when we were kids and she was the sexy, unattainable senior with a boyfriend and I was just some friend of a friend who had to work hard to find an in.
Somehow I hoped that it would be different once I actually spent time with her,
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