on a practical, immediate meaning: You give me your toy, you are my friend; if you don’t, you aren’t. It’s all very simple. And provisional. A friend turns into an enemy and back into a friend in an instant. Is this to say that their feelings are less profound? I would rather say that, for children, time passes less quickly: one instant in a child’s life is like a year in ours.
Friendship takes on more breadth, another dimension, when a child enters adolescence: then, it becomes a necessity. Without it, he suffocates.
The adolescent begins to question himself, that is, he opens himself to anguish. He asks himself questions, he demands answers. Alert to the world that eludes him, he wants to be able to think that his case, at least, is not unique: all men are weak, vulnerable; they end up bowing their heads in resignation; they end up being drawn into death as one is drawn into a hypnotic gaze. The adolescent is not an individualist. Even when he wishes to be different, he hopes to be like others; that is, he wants to be different because this is what everybody wants. He is comforted by the words “Me too”; I hurt: “Me too”; I am in love but she does not love me: “Me too”; I love God, but He does not answer me: “Me too.” The friend, for the adolescent, is the one who says, “Me too.”
I vividly remember the friends of my adolescence. I see us sitting on a bench, rocking back and forth the better to concentrate during our study and prayer. I hear us chanting a Talmudic text or a mystical litany. I see the son of a Hasidic rabbi who speaks to me in our garden of a secret army to drive away our enemies; I walk in the courtyard of a synagogue with the son of a merchant who refuses to speak any language but Hebrew. Absorbed in ourselves, we do not hear the sounds of war in the distance, the sounds of the enemy who advances on us. Our parents take an interest in politics, in what goes on at the front—not we. We are interested in what goes on in heaven. The present leaves us cold; only eternity excites us.
Well, yes, at the time I was too young to understand that eternity does not exist except in relation to the present. I was not mature enough to understand that it is eternity which lends this moment its mystery and its distinction. There were many things I did not understand. That is why I needed the presence of a friend at my side: to share my confusion.
Let us take a look at Scripture: What role does it attribute to friendship? And, first of all, where is friendship to be found in it? It is hardly ever mentioned, at least not explicitly. There are references to solidarity, love, hate, vengeance, punishment, and promises—but very few to friendship. And yet it does exist, it dominates the relationships between certain Biblical characters. Unfortunately, these are not alwayson the side of the angels. In fact, close friendships are usually found among the “bad guys.” The people who tried to erect the Tower of Babel showed more solidarity than those who followed Moses out of Egypt. Datan and Aviram, who organized the plot against God and His messenger, were close friends, while the entourage of Moses was divided by internal squabbles. Only Joshua and Caleb, son of Jefune, who were friends at the time of their reconnaissance mission into Canaan, remained friends. There are no other examples in Scripture. The same is true of the “brothers” mentioned in the Bible. Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, Joseph and his brothers all illustrate a cruel and timeless truth: human beings can become enemies and each other’s victims even if they are brothers. Any exceptions? Yes: Moses and Aaron. Moses learns that his brother has been elevated to the office of High Priest and he is delighted with the news. And yet, one remembers, his brother had caused him no small worry, no little grief. Never mind: Moses has not forgotten but he forgives. Aaron is not only his brother; he is also his partner, his
Friendship takes on more breadth, another dimension, when a child enters adolescence: then, it becomes a necessity. Without it, he suffocates.
The adolescent begins to question himself, that is, he opens himself to anguish. He asks himself questions, he demands answers. Alert to the world that eludes him, he wants to be able to think that his case, at least, is not unique: all men are weak, vulnerable; they end up bowing their heads in resignation; they end up being drawn into death as one is drawn into a hypnotic gaze. The adolescent is not an individualist. Even when he wishes to be different, he hopes to be like others; that is, he wants to be different because this is what everybody wants. He is comforted by the words “Me too”; I hurt: “Me too”; I am in love but she does not love me: “Me too”; I love God, but He does not answer me: “Me too.” The friend, for the adolescent, is the one who says, “Me too.”
I vividly remember the friends of my adolescence. I see us sitting on a bench, rocking back and forth the better to concentrate during our study and prayer. I hear us chanting a Talmudic text or a mystical litany. I see the son of a Hasidic rabbi who speaks to me in our garden of a secret army to drive away our enemies; I walk in the courtyard of a synagogue with the son of a merchant who refuses to speak any language but Hebrew. Absorbed in ourselves, we do not hear the sounds of war in the distance, the sounds of the enemy who advances on us. Our parents take an interest in politics, in what goes on at the front—not we. We are interested in what goes on in heaven. The present leaves us cold; only eternity excites us.
Well, yes, at the time I was too young to understand that eternity does not exist except in relation to the present. I was not mature enough to understand that it is eternity which lends this moment its mystery and its distinction. There were many things I did not understand. That is why I needed the presence of a friend at my side: to share my confusion.
Let us take a look at Scripture: What role does it attribute to friendship? And, first of all, where is friendship to be found in it? It is hardly ever mentioned, at least not explicitly. There are references to solidarity, love, hate, vengeance, punishment, and promises—but very few to friendship. And yet it does exist, it dominates the relationships between certain Biblical characters. Unfortunately, these are not alwayson the side of the angels. In fact, close friendships are usually found among the “bad guys.” The people who tried to erect the Tower of Babel showed more solidarity than those who followed Moses out of Egypt. Datan and Aviram, who organized the plot against God and His messenger, were close friends, while the entourage of Moses was divided by internal squabbles. Only Joshua and Caleb, son of Jefune, who were friends at the time of their reconnaissance mission into Canaan, remained friends. There are no other examples in Scripture. The same is true of the “brothers” mentioned in the Bible. Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau, Joseph and his brothers all illustrate a cruel and timeless truth: human beings can become enemies and each other’s victims even if they are brothers. Any exceptions? Yes: Moses and Aaron. Moses learns that his brother has been elevated to the office of High Priest and he is delighted with the news. And yet, one remembers, his brother had caused him no small worry, no little grief. Never mind: Moses has not forgotten but he forgives. Aaron is not only his brother; he is also his partner, his
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