Frost Hollow Hall by Emma Carroll Page B

with him. Word was you were there too.’
    The room swam in front of me. I pushed past her for the door and threw up all over the front steps.
    *
    I sat in a daze until Ruby finally got up to leave. Her baby was crying again and she had five more still to feed at home.
    ‘I’ll have to go now, Tilly,’ said Ruby, kindly. ‘You’ve not a scrap to eat here, poor things. I’ll send something by if I can.’
    ‘Ta, but we’ll manage,’ I said.
    In truth, I didn’t see how. But I didn’t cry. I felt drained and empty, like I’d run out of ways to feel.
    Once Ruby had left us, the room seemed too quiet. Ma hadn’t moved in her seat. And I wondered if I’d ever get up again either, since I hardly trusted my legs to hold me. Yet I couldn’t bear the silence between us.
    ‘Shall I get the tea on?’ I said.
    Ma stared at me, blank-eyed. ‘Tea?’
    ‘I reckon we might need it.’
    She sighed deeply. Her nose was red and her mouth drooped down at the corners.
    So this was it, then. Just the two of us.
    It did little to comfort me. In fact, it felt awkward, like being with someone I hardly knew. Any moment she’d tell me she’d been right all along, that Pa was no good, and I was a fool to have thought otherwise.
    But she didn’t speak another word.
    The room had grown so cold my breath came out like smoke, and the frost had set hard on the windows. I put a blanket over Ma’s knees and got to work, managing to coax the stove alight and putting a pan of water on to heat. There really wasn’t anything left to eat, but at least we’d have hot tea. I wetted the dregs from the morning’s pot and busied myself getting the cups out. It felt better to be doing something.
    Outside, it was proper dark. As I went to close the curtain, I saw the stars were out, and before I could help it, I was thinking of Pa and Eliza. They were out there somewhere, under this very same sky. And I wondered if Pa was looking at the stars like I was, and thinking the same about me? I shut my eyes to make a wish.
    Keep him safe. Bring him back home. And Eliza too.
    Like a blow to the chest it hit me.
    He’d gone, hadn’t he? He really had gone. He wasn’t coming back. And he’d live out his dream with Eliza, not me.
    I shut the curtain quick, unable to bear it. I swore I’d never wish on a star again.
    *
    Once the water had heated, I made tea, stirring the scrapings of an old twist of sugar into Ma’s drink.
    ‘Here,’ I said, placing her hands round her cup. ‘Don’t spill it.’
    As she sipped, she shut her eyes.
    ‘That better?’
    She nodded slowly and opened her eyes, looking at me in a way I wasn’t used to. Then she pulled something from her pocket. It was a piece of paper, folded up very small.
    ‘Eliza left this on the table,’ she said, handing it to me. ‘I found it when I came back from the village. And then Ruby came by with the news that she’d been spotted.’
    ‘What does it say?’
    ‘I in’t looked. Read it to me, will you? And don’t leave nothing out.’
    Ma wasn’t so good at reading. Right then, I wished I wasn’t either, bracing myself as I unfolded it. It was the White Star flyer, the very same one Eliza had shown me just this morning. Written on the back of it was a note. The writing was most definitely my sister’s.
Dear Ma
By the time you read this I’ll be gone. Don’t try to find me because I shan’t come back. See, I’ve found out where Pa is and what he’s up to, and I’m going after him but not to bring him home. He’s at the Buckland Inn, and is leaving today to catch a boat from Liverpool to America . . .
    My heart caught in my throat. Buckland was the next village, just a few miles over the hill. It was ten times worse knowing this. He’d been so close and still hadn’t come home. What the heck had stopped him?
    Ma looked paler than ever.
    ‘Shall I keep going?’
    She shut her eyes and nodded.
. . . and I’m going after him. He doesn’t know I’m coming. It’ll be a