Leo’s job with reasonable skill. But it worried her that her heart wasn’t in it, that her drive was gone. She had thought the vacation would help her be prepared to go back to work strong and focused and full of energy. Instead, the vacation was only contrasting how strongly she really didn’t want to go back.
She was going to have to make some changes. She knew that. There were no margins left in her life, no time left in her schedule. It had been good and necessary in the past year to be so overwhelmingly busy, but she knew she could not continue in that mode another year.
There had to be a partner she would be comfortable working with, someone who could take Leo’s place. She had been looking for a year to find someone who was a good trader, who had a track record to match Leo’s. She wasn’t having much luck. It was time to find someone who could replace her function, be the primary analyst, so she could consider moving permanently to Leo’s trading position. It made her slightly sick to think about it, but the reality was, she couldn’t carry both jobs indefinitely.
She tugged the notebook out of her pocket, looked again at the list she had been writing. So many components of the job had fallen behind due to lack of time. They weren’t visible yet, but in another six months they would be. She had to hire a trader soon to free up her time to do the analysis.Every time she looked at the list of work to be done, Rae knew the decision had to be made.
The decision would have been made in the past over a cup of coffee and a stolen few minutes in Leo’s office. It would have been decided and acted upon in a day. She hated running the business alone. The risks had been shared in the past, the decisions balanced by two opinions and two points of view.
She needed to accept and go on, build a life she would enjoy living.
It was a difficult proposition.
She didn’t want the life she had.
She wanted the life she had lost.
“What’s wrong?” Lace dropped down beside James on the steps. He gestured toward the campfire they had built down by the pavilion.
“Rae. She’s restless tonight.”
She had also been avoiding him all evening. He watched her get up from where she had been sitting, studying the fire, and pace down to the lake again. He hadn’t meant to stir up her pain, and it was obvious that he had. She had looked strained when she came back from her walk, tired, and the sadness had been back in her eyes. He hated seeing it.
“How close were they, Lace?”
“Rae and Leo?”
James nodded.
“That last year, you would swear they were able to read each other’s thoughts.”
Lace pushed her hands into the pockets of her jacket. “Leo lived life with intensity. That’s what drew people to him. He had the energy and boldness and courage to switch directions on a dime, take big risks. Rae was the perfect fitfor him. She has the focus and depth and thirst for details necessary to break apart the problems, quantify them and see a way to make his vision happen.”
James, watching Lace, saw deep concern etched in her face. “She hasn’t been the same since Leo died. The sparkle that used to be inside when she talked about work is gone. They fed off each other, and she’s lost without him. I think she’s found the business was Leo’s dream, one she had borrowed, and now that Leo’s gone, she’s trying to learn to do what he did naturally—take risks—and she’s scared to death. She’s not designed to take risks, it’s not in her personality. To compensate, she’s working hours that will put her into an early grave. About the only time I see glimpses of the old Rae is when she’s working on her book.”
For the first time, James was starting to understand some of the complexity in the lady he had met. “She’s using work to cope with the grief. That’s not unusual, Lace.”
“She’s at the office at 5:00 a.m., doesn’t leave until 7:00 sometimes 8:00 p.m. She makes Dave and me
She was going to have to make some changes. She knew that. There were no margins left in her life, no time left in her schedule. It had been good and necessary in the past year to be so overwhelmingly busy, but she knew she could not continue in that mode another year.
There had to be a partner she would be comfortable working with, someone who could take Leo’s place. She had been looking for a year to find someone who was a good trader, who had a track record to match Leo’s. She wasn’t having much luck. It was time to find someone who could replace her function, be the primary analyst, so she could consider moving permanently to Leo’s trading position. It made her slightly sick to think about it, but the reality was, she couldn’t carry both jobs indefinitely.
She tugged the notebook out of her pocket, looked again at the list she had been writing. So many components of the job had fallen behind due to lack of time. They weren’t visible yet, but in another six months they would be. She had to hire a trader soon to free up her time to do the analysis.Every time she looked at the list of work to be done, Rae knew the decision had to be made.
The decision would have been made in the past over a cup of coffee and a stolen few minutes in Leo’s office. It would have been decided and acted upon in a day. She hated running the business alone. The risks had been shared in the past, the decisions balanced by two opinions and two points of view.
She needed to accept and go on, build a life she would enjoy living.
It was a difficult proposition.
She didn’t want the life she had.
She wanted the life she had lost.
“What’s wrong?” Lace dropped down beside James on the steps. He gestured toward the campfire they had built down by the pavilion.
“Rae. She’s restless tonight.”
She had also been avoiding him all evening. He watched her get up from where she had been sitting, studying the fire, and pace down to the lake again. He hadn’t meant to stir up her pain, and it was obvious that he had. She had looked strained when she came back from her walk, tired, and the sadness had been back in her eyes. He hated seeing it.
“How close were they, Lace?”
“Rae and Leo?”
James nodded.
“That last year, you would swear they were able to read each other’s thoughts.”
Lace pushed her hands into the pockets of her jacket. “Leo lived life with intensity. That’s what drew people to him. He had the energy and boldness and courage to switch directions on a dime, take big risks. Rae was the perfect fitfor him. She has the focus and depth and thirst for details necessary to break apart the problems, quantify them and see a way to make his vision happen.”
James, watching Lace, saw deep concern etched in her face. “She hasn’t been the same since Leo died. The sparkle that used to be inside when she talked about work is gone. They fed off each other, and she’s lost without him. I think she’s found the business was Leo’s dream, one she had borrowed, and now that Leo’s gone, she’s trying to learn to do what he did naturally—take risks—and she’s scared to death. She’s not designed to take risks, it’s not in her personality. To compensate, she’s working hours that will put her into an early grave. About the only time I see glimpses of the old Rae is when she’s working on her book.”
For the first time, James was starting to understand some of the complexity in the lady he had met. “She’s using work to cope with the grief. That’s not unusual, Lace.”
“She’s at the office at 5:00 a.m., doesn’t leave until 7:00 sometimes 8:00 p.m. She makes Dave and me
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