Got It Going On by Stephanie Perry Moore Page A

hindering us from being used by the Lord.”
    Just as the first skit about the girl who’d been raped had moved me and mirrored my situation, I braced myself as I watched another powerful drama. Only this time the skit involved a male—a male who was going through a scene in which he just couldn’t remember what had happened to him. Why was he so distant? Why couldn’t he love? And why couldn’t he give God his all? When the choir came on and sang the song of healing, I just knew God was speaking to my soul.
    Later on that night when I went home, I had some real soul-searching to do. I got down on my knees, and I silently prayed, Lord, there’s a lot in my past that has led me to a life full of turmoil and sin. And to get stronger and to deal with it, I just sort of partied my cares away. I’m ready to love You with my whole heart, but something is holding me back. Help me to dig deep and find out what it is. I’m pledging a sorority, but I’m still a little cold to the other girls. I just need Your help, Lord. I just need Your assistance to learn what I may have gone through that has made me this way.
    Over the next three nights, God heard my plea because He showed up in my dreams and made me unable to sleep. I kept seeing images of a little girl in a closet with an older man. I couldn’t see faces. I couldn’t see body parts. I could see only darkness. Why did it hurt so badly?
    We had one more Gem ceremony to go, and I was supposed to be there. However, when I realized that the little girl in the images was me and over the years I had blocked out something so bad, I just started shaking all over. I was so angry! I was confused as to who the man was. Was it one of my mom’s boyfriends who had abused me? Was I abused by a stranger? Until I sorted all this out, I couldn’t move. I had to deal with my demons and face the truth.
    I thought I heard Sam banging on my door for me to come out so we could head over to the ceremony. However, I placed a pillow over my head and tried to block out the irritating noise. If the Betas dropped me, so be it, but in my frail state I would be no good to them if I went. I didn’t think I was crazy, I just felt like I was strung out on drugs or something.
    I couldn’t help but cry out, “Lord, you’re supposed to help! This hurts too badly. Why can’t I make out what happened? With You by my side I can handle anything, right? Then help me. Please, Father.”
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    My forehead and body were exploding with sweat. I lifted up the window to catch a breeze. As the day turned into the night, I desperately needed to seek out answers.
    â€œCassidy, you’re just a trip, only caring about yourself. You do whatever you wanna do, coming to practice when you please. You tell all of us we have to be there, and you don’t even show up. We know you’re on line, but homecoming is coming up, and we don’t wanna do the same ol’ routine,” Ginger whined into the answering machine as I half listened, still in a dazed state.
    Whatever she was saying didn’t phase me. It certainly didn’t move me to pick up the phone for her. As much as the band meant to me, I couldn’t deal with them right now.
    Her voice continued into the machine. “If you don’t get down here I’m going to teach the routine, and I’m going to tell the band director—”
    The paused intrigued me, yet I was so weak I couldn’t make out what was happening. All of a sudden I heard noises inside my place, and I thought I heard Sam’s voice coming through the machine. “Ginger, wait, wait. This is her roommate, Sam. She hasn’t been with us, and I was hoping she was at band practice.”
    Next thing I knew, Isha was standing in my face with a straightened-out hanger in her hand. I guess she’d picked my lock. Sam was right next to her holding our phone as Ginger continued carrying